I left my husband 3 months ago and I have started to date a longtime friend......a lot of his(the guy I'm dating) friends are putting me down for it. They tell him that I'm married and to stay away from me. He knows the situation that i was in and and was there through it all.......although we had nothing going on then. Why do people feel the need to condemn me and assume I am like a Jezebel from the Bible? They don't even know me!
This is just very frustrating for me......I'm not one that usually lets things like this bother me......My philosophy is........Those that mind/ don't matter......those that matter/don't mind!
2007-05-11 19:12:19 · 26 answers · asked by NCchic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
They probably feel that you are starting a new chapter with out finishing an old one.
2007-05-11 19:19:49 · answer #1 · answered by little lamb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same thing happened to me. It never bothered me. I knew who I was and how things happened. I left my first husband for good reason. When I started dating again after 2-6 MONTHS of seperation, my new guy's best friend had it in for me as well. My new guy knew my whole story and loved me regardless, it seems your guy knows as well. You two are all that should matter. Who cares what those other people are thinking!!! I ended up dating my new guy for four years, and we have now been married for three years (and have a PRECIOUS daughter)! New Hubby doesn't even talk to the negative jerk who was against us in the beginning. That jerk told us many times we were wrong for each other and I should be divorced before dating, he even refused to come to our wedding though he had known and been BEST FRIENDS with my husband since ELEMENTARY school and I had been divorced for more than three years by the time we got married!?!?1!!?! Yeah, that freak is now almost 29 and STILL single!!!! He was 22 and passing judgement on ME, and now he is almost 29 and without a serious girlfriend or ANYTHING?! Who is in the wrong, here? Just work on yourself and what makes YOU truly happy!!! The rest don't know you and your new love interest AT ALL!!!! You shouldn't care!!! I wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors together or on your own!!!!
2007-05-12 02:53:34 · answer #2 · answered by bubblingbroo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, no one is suppose to judge you.
However, if your new man was involved in the marriage (in any way), you have to ensure that it is truly over with your husband.
His friends are most likely telling him to stay out of it so that he would not get his feelings hurt. I am only going on what you are saying, but ensure that this is the correct path that you want to follow.
Because right now you need some closure on your marriage, before you begin this new venture.
Look at your motive and the new guys.
But I would suggest that you take a step back and get yourself together, your new guy will understand and respect you for it in the end.
God Bless You, in whatever you decide
2007-05-12 02:22:09 · answer #3 · answered by Kelley 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people love to simply judge the book without bothering to even read the back of it. Don't worry about them! If he is aware of what is going on in your life and they two of you are still together, just tell them to mind their own business..
They see you as a cheating wife, yet have no clue what has really happened. Let them think it. No matter what you do not every one will be pleased.
2007-05-12 02:16:16 · answer #4 · answered by Мəəĸά 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you maybe secretly have an issue with still being married and dating? maybe that's why you mind? it's hard to stand tall when people are talking bad about you, especially when there's no real reason for it or when people don't really know what they were talking about. Maybe you just need to remind yourself of your philosophy a little more often. People see what they want to see, you just keep on in your own direction and maybe eventually they will see you are not bad news. You can't change anyone's mind anyway. Hang in there and don't listen to those jerks!
2007-05-12 02:20:58 · answer #5 · answered by mrs. lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seperated and dating after 3months is not some-
thing that is considered correct by society so that
is why people are judging you , however you
should be worried about the man above judging
you because his looking at the situation will bring
on a more powerful resolution in the end, more
than any man on this earth, so that is what I would
be worried about.
2007-05-12 13:02:38 · answer #6 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all tell everyone to mind their own biz and go along your merry little way. people have a hard time understanding not to bud into people's private lives. you're a grown woman and can do as you please. i'm sure your estranged husband isn't home baking cookies all by his lonesome.
apparently you left him because he was not for you so go ahead and enjoy yourself. you only live once. forget what people say. they don't keep a roof over your head, they don't pay your bills or put food on your table or clothes on your back. apparently those you thought were your friends trully aren't.
My philosophy also is........Those that mind/ don't matter......those that matter/don't mind !!!
you go girl !!!
**********By the way...if you are separated you are free to do as you please...it's NOT "legally adultery" !!!! and any lawyer would agree. I tried to show the court he cheated but, guess what ...we were separated and it didn't count as adultery.
2007-05-12 02:26:40 · answer #7 · answered by CUTIE PIE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the fact that you're married, not divorced, that's all. Many people don't consider "separated" people to be free to form other relationships. Legally, it's adultery until you're divorced, even if the divorce is underway, which it sounds like it isn't in your case, since you didn't mention it. They also don't want him to get hurt, and separated folks often get back together. Don't let it bother you if you're serious about him - it's their opinion, and they're entitled to it; stick with your philosphy
2007-05-12 02:21:33 · answer #8 · answered by Bad Kitty! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well for thing you left your husband three months ago, and you started dating this guy you already had a relationship with.So why are you wondering why people are judging you? how can you be in a relationship when you are still in one thats not fair to you or this guy and what does your husband say about this RELATIONSHIP he just might flip out on you and boyfriend. and this may bother you alot cause you know its wrong.
2007-05-12 03:14:49 · answer #9 · answered by msbelinda24 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think much of his friends....because friends dont judge....friends support. Maybe he needs to realise that these people are not really his friends at all. If they were trully his friends then they would be happy that he is happy. If he is happy being with you then thats all that matters and everone, including their judgements can go to hell. You two are the only ones who matter. If it is bothering either of you, then your boyfriend need to tell his "friends" to butt out....this is his life, not theirs. Maybe when one of them says something to you...tell them to mind their own business. If you feel strong, you will be strong and people will not dare condemn you because you will give them a mouthful in return. Its none of anyone else's business.....start believing that then maybe you will have the strength to give them as good as you get.
Be strong.....they have no right to interfer in either of your lives.
2007-05-12 02:19:42 · answer #10 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then don't worry about it. But it really doesn't look right to the majority to be dating when you are still technically married. After being separated for only three months, they are probably worried about their friend.
2007-05-12 02:15:42 · answer #11 · answered by Sparkles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋