How can u tell if your husband is in the marriage for the right reasons? I'm gonna do my best to make a long story short...he had affair, blamed it on his unhappiness in the marriage, then 1 night I over heard him tell his best friend, he's wating til the kids are 18 and he's "outta here". Then I confronted him on all of this, he cried, said he was sorry, professed his love for me, said he had the best thing in the world standing right in front of him the whole time and was too blind or selfish 2 see it. He said he made that comment cuz he was mad and didn mean it. I'm so confused. All of the previous mentioned history, then, he WANTS to go to marriage counseling, takes me on a weekend marriage retreat, buys me a $3000.00 new wedding set, arranges with our priest to renew our vows, etc. How does 1 become SO confused, they have an affair in 1 heart beat and do all of the other stuff in the next? Is he playing me, 2 keep me happy so i have nothing 2 worry about, or is he sincere?
2007-05-11 15:58:41 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, incase you saw this ? before, i did ask it, but i think my heading was too boring...so anyways...would a man go through that much trouble, time and expense to fool his wife and make her happy, but keep her dillusional, so just he can have her, the kids, the house and his cake and eat it to?
2007-05-11 16:00:24 · update #1
You ever hear the phrase "It's cheaper to keep her?" Well, it's true when not many judges will grant a father primary custody when mom is a fit parent. He will have to pay out the ying-yang until they turn 18.
2007-05-11 16:04:15 · answer #1 · answered by J S 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
WOW so many of these answers are just...wow...He had an affair, ok. BUT dont think once a cheater always a cheater. Thats not true! He may have made a mistake and maybe he's relizeing that. And as far as keep you around because it's cheaper. Thats bull, if he didnt Love You he wouldnt stay.
Havent you ever said something in the heat of the moment to one of your friends when he does something totaly stupid? Thats prolly the same reason he said what h said to his friends. But just in case girl. sit him down before you go on your retreat and renew your vows and make sure this is really what the two of you want. Tell him you Love him and have given him a second chance after he cheated and if he wants out to do it now. I personally think it's very selfish to take everything from a man when you divorce. thats my opinion though, your kids see that and what do you think it looks like in there eyes? Too many parents put kids through needless S**T. As many of these women on here whould do it seems like. Thats VERY selfish! Sorry back to the point. Sit him down talk it out...I'm sure he'll be honest with you. If he's not get a castiron skillet ;) I hope it all works out for the two of you!
2007-05-11 16:19:14 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is immature. When he grows up both he and you will be better able to answer your question. Until then, I would expect more of the same until he can give you very good cause to believe otherwise.
So, how might he set out to do that? Certainly I would not listen much to what he has to say when he is talking to you in private. I would be much more attentive to what he does than what he says.
The new marriage vows may be a very good idea. I would invite him to sit down with you and your priest and hear about your concerns. The church setting should up the ante at least a little, and induce him to be as truthful as he can be (possibly not very). Tell him, and the priest, and about the affair about this phone conversation you overheard, and about your doubts. Listen very closely to what both of them have to say. Let the priest ask some questions.
Why does he act this crazy way?
Marriage changes many aspects of a person's life. They "adjust" to marriage. Then change is very, very difficult even if the person really wants or needs to change.
The path of least resistance is for him to keep the marriage going in the background and satisfy his wants and needs in other ways. This requires less change than a divorce for him, even though it is very problematic and causes trouble for everybody.
Your husband would not be acting this way unless he felt some need. Because he is immature he cannot talk in a simple, straightforward way about that need. If he could, he could find some appropriate way to handle it within your marriage.
2007-05-11 16:14:25 · answer #3 · answered by ljwaks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The primary factor is that you just do what God desires and now not what others desire. If you think within the LDS faith do not feel embarrassment about it. Be happy with it. If you do not then do not fake. Be what you're, be sincere. I could endorse that you're taking the discussions from the missionaries to be trained the fundamentals. They are those certified to instruct it. I could additionally endorse you preserve to discuss with the Mormon church together with your household even as taking the discussions with the missionaries. Feel the spirit there. The Bible says to take a look at the spirits. It additionally says some thing like take a look at all matters and maintain rapid to that that's well. If you uncover what the missionaries instruct and what you revel in in church to be well then by way of all manner maintain rapid to it it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. If you uncover it isn't then move directly to what you do believe is well. But so much of all on your possess self be real, believe in God for steering, and the whole thing will figure out for the quality. breecatasnana
2016-09-05 17:40:33 · answer #4 · answered by celia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay from my own experience, I think that yeah maybe he still loves you and he feels that he is being sincere. But if he was as sincere as he likes to think he is, he would have thought about that before he cheated. Also if he is telling his friends that he is just in it until the kids turn eighteen then he is definetly in the wrong then. Noone should just be in the relationship just for the children. If he really and truly wants out then he needs to tell you so you can get on with your life. Because not only is it going to make you two miserable but your kids also. If you do stay together than you are going to have to learn to trust him again and quit wondering what he is doing if he does not come home at a certain time or goes out without you.
2007-05-11 16:15:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, First of all I wanted to say sorry that your going through this. As far as if a guy would go through all that trouble, just to make you think that he'll be faithful, unfortunately you'll never know for sure. However, If he is showing all this effort to show you that he has changed, then why not at least try to give him a chance then. Just don't let your guard down all the way. If there's a way you can save a little bit of money at a time until you will have enough to support yourself later then you should start saving now. And if he is serious about the relationship then you just save money for a trip in a couple of years! Hope it helped and good luck!
2007-05-11 16:14:15 · answer #6 · answered by mimi of 4 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately yes, men would do all of that and more .
I have known men who did leave as soon as the kids were 18 .usually if a man has an affair then they possibly will have another, try to find out what was making him unhappy in your marriage and try to correct the problem and then the both of you may end up happier than ever, marriage is something that has to be worked on every day to make it work and there needs to be good communication between the two people involved and if anything is bothering either one of you then you need to talk to the other to straighten it out or then there will be another problem and another and so on and then all of it will build up inside of you till you explode, if theres a problem talk it out right away.only you can make the decision if your husband is confused,sincere, an ******* or all of the above, you are the one who has to live with him and the only one that really knows what he is.
good luck
2007-05-11 16:11:57 · answer #7 · answered by maureen s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably a little of all of that...... If you wish to save this marriage, get some counseling, hon..... serious counseling. He is doing the flip-flop because his girlfriend is giving him a bad time, and he is fearful of being alone, so you are the 'jerk in reserve', until what ever happens with the other lady, happens. If it is any comfort to you, the one they leave the marriage for is never the one they end up with... she is called "the bridge" out of the marriage.
And , hon, see a REAL marriage counselor, not a priest..... You and he have lots of issues... admiration, respect, passion and trust, are what make marriages work... If he has betrayed your trust, by sharing the passion with someone else, the other two are in the toilet too......you just don't know it yet, or are seeing what you want to see..... Your marriage is damaged......
Again, hon, get some counseling, if it is only you who goes.
2007-05-11 16:10:54 · answer #8 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you think he is acting crazy...well men go through thinking they are missing out on life if they have a wife and family , but they are afraid to lose what they have.... so they get very confused. It is up to you ,I know your going to think i'm crazy. First get your self all sweet some night (you know pretty gown(sexy) and wake him with some specil sex. Make time for just you and him, (often) Do the things a girl friend might to to get him....some tramp is always trying...so a wife has to keep up. Never take a marriage as forever, if you don't work very hard at it , it will end.
2007-05-11 16:21:06 · answer #9 · answered by gigigal906 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confused. He's confused. I've been there. NO, he wouldn't go through that much trouble over nothing. He needs to be reminded why he loves you, and fear of losing you may be that reminder.
You have some issues to get past here. I am not a counselor, but I would suggest that if you stay/he stays, the cheating never gets brought up again or thrown in his face. Bad mistake, hard to deal with, but if you agree to stay together, that has to be put into the past. Has to.
Remind him of why he fell in love with you to begin with. He was unhappy for a reason; that needs to be explored and fixed, if possible.
Are you/were you unhappy as well? If so, you both need to get back to work. If not, then maybe you were way to comfortable with having him around that you felt like you didn't need to do anything to keep him around.
Just because you get married doesn't mean you do not have to romance each other. It does work BOTH ways.
2007-05-11 16:09:28 · answer #10 · answered by Christopher 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Is possible he is playing you,,,, He stands to lose alot more than $3000 if you divorce him,,,, just a divorce now days can cost about that much,,,,Plus he would have to give you 50 % of everything, plus pay childsupport,,,,
He has already had an affair,,, and that was a very cold , nasty remark for him to make to a friend,,,,
If I was you, I would not trust him at all,, I would give him his walking papers,,
You deserve much better,,,,He sounds like a real snake in the grass
2007-05-11 16:11:54 · answer #11 · answered by Gringa_uno 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋