Am I screwing up my child?

Question

If you share custody of a newborn child, what is an appropriate time to start overnight visits?

Answer 1

Well, hon, if it's with the father, and they are a good father just not a good partner, than I guess it's never too soon. As long as both can care for the child. You just have to make sure that the child will be cared for.

Answer 2

Not until the child is at least 2 or3 yrs old.
A newborn wants its mom and really doesn't care much about anyone else. The baby wants the same warmth and smell that the baby has aways had and that is you. From my personal experience I do not feel that joint custody should even be a thought until the baby is at least 6-9 months. That baby needs you, no offense to the men out there, none at all, it is just a mother child thing. It is really the whole jumping around that hurts a child, one minute your baby has you and the next she/he doesn't and how do you think the baby would feel. Probably scared, confused, and wants the only thing it has know for the last 10 months and that my fellow yahoo-er is you. It is up to you, the mother of a newborn baby to decide what is right for your baby.
Here is a site that has all the family law codes for all 50 states and also regards to custody with specific laws and regulations. http://www.familylaw.org/familylawcode.htm

Answer 3

Im not really sure about this, but i do know it will probably be more stressful on you having the baby away from you overnight than it will be on the baby. I know my kids didnt go anywhere overnight without me until they were 8 months old. I would suggest starting overnight visits at about a year old, i know this doesnt go for all men, but men are less predisposed toward waking up in the middle of the night to a crying child, unless its loud and has been going on for a while. Nobody shoot me, its actually a proven fact that men are more likely to wake up to external night noises, eg dogs barking, someone walking around outside, than they are to a crying child.

If you feel comfortable letting your child stay overnight at his dads, go for it. On the other hand, if you dont feel comfortable for whatever reasons, dont do it. Or you can give it a trial night, and see how it goes.

Answer 4

I would suggest when you and you ex (assumption) both feel comfortable. Your not screwing up your baby by having shared custody. (i have custody with my ex having overnight visitations) You both need to sit down together and go over baby's schedule ie: feeding, napping, etc, and keep it the same at both places thus to not throw off or confuse baby. When your baby's schedule changes as he/she grows make sure to keep each other informed of the changes. Best advice is to communicate. This will help things stay positive. Good Luck, things will be ok as long as you both keep positive and keep any bitterness between the two of you away from baby.

Answer 5

Well depends on if you think the father would care for the newborn like you would. If yes, then I would wait until 2-3 months, that way you can get at least a semi-schedule with the child, bedtime ect. But i think after 2-3 months would be a good time. I would start out at a slow pace though. but, you also wouldnt want to wait until a year, or so because you want the child to get used to the father putting them to sleep, feedings ect. That way the child will feel comfortable when he/she gets older.

Answer 6

It depends on the parents really... If both are responsible enough to approach this maturely then anytime is ok.. If the mother is breastfeeding she can express and give dad a supply of expressed milk so he can feed the infant. If will also allow mom some much needed "MOMMY" time to take out and relax (reducing chance of pnd)

If infant is bottle fed then it is easier for all concerned. No expressing just bottles cleaning equip & formula.

Both parents must agree to a "routine" for the child and commit to keeping this up in both homes.

The child will grow up knowing no different, and will not have to suddenly adjust to this new lifestyle when they are two or three or whatever. Both parents will feel close to the child as they have experienced the early years.

If they are only used to Mommy then are expected to leave their security to spend time with this strange man they will have behaviour changes as they adjust to this new system.

Good luck

Answer 7

I personally think the earlier the better so the child will think its the norm for him/her to stay a few nights at daddys and a few nights at mommys. I think if you dont do it now and then all the sudden he/she is thrown into a new routine when they are 2 or so, it would be tougher on the child and you in the long run.

Answer 8

Sometime in the afternoon. I would wait until after a feeding time, that way the parent getting custody doesn't have to rush around trying to get the baby fed.

Answer 9

I have to agree with Robyn H. Definately not before two! Babies NEED to stay with their mothers!! I share custody of my daughter (now 8!) and did not let her start overnights until 4 years old. By then they can understand better that mama will be back. Little babies have no way of understanding that you will be back later. Everytime you leave them, they feel abandoned. They simply haven't developed that ability yet. Please do not leave your little baby, even with a responsible father.

Answer 10

When you and the baby and the father are comfortable with it, I would say atleast 6 months, because I have heard that if you breastfeed you don't have to let the baby go with the father until they are 6 months.