Husband just confessed that he cheated on me 3 years ago.?

Question

I kind of knew all along but wasn't sure. Finally I got it out of him. Not sure how I feel now even though this happened a while ago. He said he's very sorry and will carry the guilt into the grave. How would you handle this?

Answer 1

It is up to you what you want to do but if you want to work it out you should go see a marrage councelor

Answer 2

I am married but before we were married. We lived many years together. While not married I had cheated and confessed. Why? Because I wanted to end the relationship with the other man. And he wouldn't take no for an answer. When I told my live in boyfriend. He was upset. He understood it to be a one time thing. I didn't correct him until months later. It had been a few months thing. Well at the moment I told him. He was so upset that he also confessed to having been with someone. While on vacation to visit family out of state. A family friend made a move on him. And he was shocked. But still. He went to her place and had sex with her. So how did I react. He is a very shy man, had it not been because the female made the move he wouldn't have dared. Since I know I had cheated. Apart from what I had told him. I let it go. In your case if you have been faithful though tempted I have no clue. Because now that we are married if he were to cheat. I would probably do the same sooner or later. And this time I wouldn't tell him. I would keep it a secret to myself.

Answer 3

you said you knew he cheated before ---you knew it. how have you felt the last 3 years, have you had this feeling again- like he's cheated a second time? If not - I'd stick it out - see what happens. If you've had this feeling that you had 3 years ago- like he's still cheating -- i'd be worried.
3 yrs ago is quite awhile ago - At least now you don't have to wonder- you know the truth, and you can deal with it -- he had best kiss your ### for the next 50 years too!
I would NEVER take the advice of people that say to cheat on him -- don't go there... life is too short for games.
Also- 3 years ago- is he the same person today - or would you say in this 3 years he has grown up? something to consider.
You can forgive-- but, you will never forget.

Answer 4

Boy, I'll bet you both feel better now! You hounded him until he finally confessed, now your not sure how you feel? How did you expect to feel? Perhaps you would have been better off not knowing, especially since it only happened once or so he says. Now that you know the truth, know that he has to feel relief, he has confessed & no longer has to feel guilt. Oh yes, he says he will carry the guilt to the grave, believe me he won't cause he has nothing to feel guilty of any longer, you know the worst, he is home free. Since it happend over 3 years ago, you may as well get over it, if you find you can't, then seek counseling, it will give you a chance to vent, if nothing else! Remember, you asked for this; now you must learn to either handle it or move on. I would suggest that you give your marriage every chance to work, if everything else is working, why tear it apart. If you truly love him, you will find a way to forgive him, you will never forget, but it will hurt less as time goes on & one important thing, don't throw it in his face everytime things get rough! Make yourself trust him because if you don't it will only make you treat him unfairly by your constant questioning trying to find out if he is being truthful, stop it, now!

Answer 5

Wow, what a horrible situation, I'm so sorry. I guess it depends on you and the relationship you have with him. If you love him and can forgive him then you have to give it a chance but I personally couldn't ignore the 2 years of hiding sometihng like that, it would be as if they were all a lie. If you can't forgive hiim right now then you may want to think about a trial seperation. I guess it boils down to weather or not you can forgive him and what he can do to make up for it. If you want to give it a chance but don't know how to begin opening yourself up and trusting him again you might want to try couples councilng. It's a terrible situation and I honestly don't know what I would do if I were given the same news. I would probobly need some time to myself to sort things out and weigh weather the relationship was worth salvaging and if it was weather or not I was able to forgive the other person. Good luck and again I'm sorry this happened to you, I hope you find your answer.

Answer 6

Hello, tough question!!! First off, sometimes people do make "Genuine" mistakes. Sometimes people think they want something other than what they have, sometimes people feel unsatisfied, or have a commitment challenge. there are a thousand reasons why someone cheats on someone, the fact that they cheated does not necissarly make them a bad person, its why that did it that defines their act! Now dont get me wrong, I am not saying it is ok or right in any instance, but before you can tackle this one, you are gonna need to know details. Sit down talk with him, express compassion toward him also, because even though he was wrong, that kind of guilt can kill a man! You married him, so I know you must love or did love him at some point, are you able to live and let live? Do you even really want to know all the details of it? Sometimes those details can make it worse on you, which will intern make it worse on both of you! Its not a persons nature to forget what someone has done, it goes against everything we as people stand for in "trust" but it is in our nature and our fathers nature to forgive. So the choice is ultimatly yours here, the cards are on your table and you can choose to stack the deck against him, or sit down and play a fair game!

Answer 7

My answers are a bit spiritual so forgive me....this isnt about him feeling guilty to the grave. Its about forgiveness. He didnt tell you for whatever reason. Now that he has, you need to forgive him with your whole heart. Not because of what he promises but because you want the Lord to forgive you YOUR trespassess. There's a story in the bible of a man who owed a king some money and the king forgave him the debt. Then the man went to a friend who owed him money and threw him in jail because he couldnt pay him back. (He didnt have the same forgiveness for the friend that someone else had showed him). The king found out about it and threw him in jail till he could pay HIS debt. Long story short...we should forgive each other. People fear that it will lead to additional adultery, but the ever hanging guilt of a past indiscretion that gets dragged out with every argument is the bigger problem. He will appreciate you SO much more, for forgiving him and God will bless you for it. You be the wonderful wife you are called to be and God will make sure your husband is the man he's supposed to be to you.

Answer 8

Tough question, and a tough answer. If it were me, I would be going to the lawyer. It may never happen again as he said, but the guilt he would carry to the grave would be nothing in comparison to the lack of trust you would carry. Now you will wonder every time he is late, everytime his mood changes, that will be in the back of your head. If you truly believe you can move on, sure go for it...counseling would have to be there and a total revamp on how you two communicate. You have to ask, what was so much better than you and why weren't you enough to satisfy his every need? I'm so sorry you are faced with this challenge but you yield the power to decide how your life is going to be now...embrace it and choose wisely.

Answer 9

If I were you, I would take a step back and analyze my own actions first. I would see a counselor just for me. The reason I think you should first do counseling on your own is because you said you "kind of knew all along, but wasn't sure." There were things you picked up on, your instincts knew, but you second guessed yourself. Personally, I would want to know why I didn't trust myself enough to take action sooner. This is not to blame you, not at all. However, since we can't control other people, I think it's important to know why (you) made the decision to let it go for so long.

Answer 10

Well...at least now you have heard it from him. No more...what ifs...

You have a lot of thinking to do. If it was me I would want to hurt him the way he hurt me. No, just for him to feel what he has made you feel because if you did what he did then you wouldn't be any better than him....lying all these years.

I feel for you. If you have kids then you think long and hard before you act! I know that probably isn't much help...but no one can tell you what to do. In time you will decide. It has take this long to find out so don't rush until you have thought it all the way through!
Good luck!

Answer 11

Have him meet you in the you bedroom after he gets home from work on a specific day. When he walks in, just be finishing up a cheating experience of your own with someone of your choice. One hand washes the other. He now does not have one up one you, and he will know how it feels to be on the losing end. The playing field is now level again.

Or, flat-out divorce him. Get even or get out, other you are fighting an uphill battle.