Unfaithful?

Question

I have been unfaithful to my partner ,he knows now and wants to try to sort this out. I for one realise i have made the biggest mistake and would never cause this destruction or hurt to anyone again. I love my partner and deeply regret my mistake,however i am unsure of how and what i need to do to rebuild our relationship again? please help

Answer 1

First off, I commend you for feeling remorse and for wanting to make things right again with your partner.
The first thing it would seem that you are going to have to do, is to give your partner as much time as possible to sort through his feelings. There is no trust, you can be assured of that. He may say he still trusts you, but deep down, that has been violated in one of the worst ways it can be. I'm not saying this to cause you anymore guilt. This is just reality for your partner.
Many people become frustrated when they try and try to regain the trust of their partner and nothing happens. If you truly love your partner and are willing to wait for as long as it takes to regain the trust, then you will have something to build on. Without trust, there is nothing to build on.
Everyone assumes that it is the responsibility of the partner who did not cheat to cause the other partner to cheat. Yes, each partner has a part in everything that happens, however, the choice to cheat was yours and yours alone. there may be unresolved issues which you have, which may have impacted your decision making process, regardless of what your partner has done, or not done. I would strongly suggest that you go to counseling first, work on your own issues, which all of us have, and only then can you effectively work on the issues between the two of you. In order to not cheat again, you really should work on figuring out why you did in the first place...and honestly when you get right down to it, I think you will find that it had nothing to do with your partner. He was just the avenue in which you acted out.

finally, communicate with your partner about everything you are thinking and feeling. Communication is the key and by allowing your partner to hear where you are coming from, and allowing your partner to vent and share his feelings, some of the healing for both of you may begin.

Good luck to you and again, I commend you for being honest about this.

Answer 2

I suggest couple's counseling, even for a little while. There will be a lot to sort out with both of you.

Start small, rebuilding the trust will take time, but if you are both willing to try again, thats a great start. Keep the lines of communication open and be honest.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Just because he says he wants to work things through, it doesn't mean you're both out of the woods yet.
This will take a long time to fix, but you must know he'll never be able to forget what you've done to your marriage.
It's not a case of just saying sorry & everythings all hunky dory again.
you should be asking him what he wants you to do in order to make things better between you both.
you're going to have to be so patient with him. you've hurt him more than you could ever really know.
at the end of the day, he could still say he wants out, because as time goes on he may realise that he can't get over it.
forgiving you doesn't mean it's all fine, it just means he doesn't want to pay you back by also having an affair. but you never know, he may go & have an affair now if he gets the chance. just to get back at you. I hope not!

Answer 4

If you know WHY you cheated, let it be known to him, because that is the most important thing, because obviously there is a problem somewhere.
From HERE ON OUT, you MUST be honest with him.
If you sense there is a problem whether it be with him or yourself, you must hit it head on and get it dealt with, so neither one of you end up cheating.
If he's smart, he will be checking up on what you say for QUITE sometime, but after time, he will realise, you won't intentionally hurt him.

I once cheated, but the thing is, I don't know why I did it. I told my boyfriend at the time the next day, he was of course upset, but he forgave me and we stayed together for quite sometime and I realized, I just wasn't happy.

Remember, communication, trust and honesty the main things for keeping a good, strong and healthy relationship.

Answer 5

You've been blessed with someone who loves you enough to forgive you. That's so rare in this day. Don't let guilt keep you from trying.

With enough counseling your marriage could become stronger. But it's going to take alot of work. Betrayal is never easy on the one betrayed. They tend to go back & forth between blaming themselves & depising you. You need to figure out why you really did it to begin with. Was there something you were missing from your husband & couldn't tell him? Or a case of the excitement of forbidden fruit so to speak?

No one ever gets so caught up in passion they can't stop. That only happens in the movies. But for some reason you didn't want to & until you figure out why & deal with it, it can happen again no matter what you say or think. Especially if it only stopped because he found out.

If you confessed it instead because of some guilt that can often be a deeper wound because they feel like you made a fool of them. Hubby always said if he ever messed around he'd never tell me because though he'd feel better it would destory me. He saw that happen to his own parents & though they stayed together they never talked about it & were like strangers living in the same house. He never cheated again because of the guilt but she lost all desire, always comparing herself to his other lovers & feeling like a lesser woman(though thank God he never told her who).

In either case you both need to want to make it work bad enough to deal with what happened & the feelings. If you can't do that then maybe it's best you both move on. Neither of you need to be in a loveless marriage. But the pain is definitely worth the rewards.

Answer 6

Sara,
It will be difficult for him to trust yo0u as he has in the past. That part will be gone at least for now. You really should begin reading and studying the Bible with your husband and a Bible study group near your home. Hopefully GOD will assist you in your broken relationship. My wife and I have been faithful from the beginning. We have been married for over 31 years and we were High School Sweethearts. She is the greatest thing that GOD has given me on this earth. Have a great weekend. If I can assist you in finding a group to study with, just let me know.
Thanks,
Eds, Christian


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Answer 7

you've actually made the first step and thats telling him, the hardest part is on him now, wether he can get over it or let it eat him up, i hope its the first, it can get bitter else, if your love is strong then you can survive but you need to ask yourself why you cheated in the first place, there's always a reason no matter how little, solve that and your getting there, talk, talk and talk, shutting each other out will only cause mayhem. x

Answer 8

you have to build the trust back up again and its gonna take time for him to be able to trust u again but if you really love him and want to make It work than you have to be willing to deal with a partner who for some time will be paranoid, jealous and all the other negative things that come along with this king of situation.

Answer 9

(My answer is kinda spiritual so forgive me in advance)

When my husband and I were just engaged, he was "unfaithful" to me but deep down...because we were both christians we knew it was actually BOTH of us that were being unfaithful....to God by living in sin. One of the greatest steps towards reconciliation is forgiveness and understanding that as Christ forgave US and forgives us daily when we sin against Him, prayerfully, it gives us a heart to turn from sin once and for all and we can forgive others and ask for it with our whole heart. Without appreciating God first and His forgiveness, ours to each other will always just be temporary.

When we forgive and repent with a heart that longs to do what is pleasing to God, and not just pleasing to our partners we will find greater success and greater reward. I encourage you both to seek God to right your relationship with Him and then He will bless your relationship with each other to be more than you ever dreamed it could be.

Answer 10

Trust and communication!!! I believe if you truly love each other it will work. Be true to yourself and him and over time the two of you can build your relationship up to where you were. Don't give up!!