My husband and I have been together for two and a half years, married for 7 months. Last January I found out that he had cheated on me for the past two years with several different girls. Then last summer 2006 he had finally stopped (or so I thought, he really didn't) cause we found out I was preganant. We married a few months later and the whole time I thought he had stopped cheating on me he was actually having an affair with the same woman for the last 10-11 months. I caught him through his e mail and after confronting him, he confessed to seeing this woman, and all the other bad things he did behind my back the entire relationship. Mind you, I was 8 months pregnant when he was caught. My husband claimed to be unlike any man and that marraige was sacred to him and that kind of BS. But now I know that he is nothing but a selfish complusive liar. I love him as a person but I'm not in love with him anymore. Do I stay with him for the child? Or do I leave now while shes a baby?
2007-05-11 11:17:23 · 18 answers · asked by Betrayed and Insane 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Leave now while she is still a baby. It will be easier on her.
It would be much more traumatic for her if the two of you split when she is older.
2007-05-11 11:22:40 · answer #1 · answered by Molly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh how I know your pain my dear. I have been through this as I found out my wife was cheating after 21 years of marriage. It nearly killed me and the pain has finally left me now after 15 years. My heart bleeds for you especially now that you are with child. The sad reality my dear is it is not in your child's best interest to bring him/her up in a family environment where there is unhappiness. It will in fact be detrimental to your child's stability and I suggest to you that you talk to your husband about this and tell him you want his child brought up in a stable family and if he will not stop playing around, you will leave him. I know this is hard and I know how hard it will be for you to survive on your own. However, the alternative will be worse. You have to make a stand with your husband. If he really loves you he will stop however, from your description of past events would make this seem unlikely. The sad reality is for some men, once a cheat, always a cheat. I hope this is not true for you and hope you can solve this problem with your husband. Perhaps seek advice from a Marriage Councillor or a minister of religion. Best wishes and good luck ... Peter
2007-05-11 18:32:20 · answer #2 · answered by Peter F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a sociopath with no conscience, just an ability to spin lies. You need to get on with life without him. It's tough; and it will mean hard times in the immediate future. Five years from now (which will elapse much quicker than you can imagine), you'll be in much better place. Whatever you do, don't buy into any more of his crap. Get a lawyer and get out--it's the best thing you can do for your child. Something else to consider: Three-year-olds become powerfully attached to their fathers, regardless of merit. If you drag it out and leave after the child has developed a strong love for the dad, the child will pine for this man for the rest of her life.
2007-05-11 22:16:21 · answer #3 · answered by Pan Zagloba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, how can you trust him??
Not only is he a multi- cheaten' hubby, but there are "other things" that come with a cheatin' hubby and Im sure you know what I mean...and that's not good either.
My advice:
I would do what you feel is right and what you feel is the best thing for you and your child..you have to follow your heart. Remember: you make the decisions, not everyone that you know. They can only give you advice, that's all. It's not their life; it's yours..
I would NEVER tell someone to leave/divorce their spouse, that is something for you and ONLY YOU to decide...
If he can't be trusted, your putting yourself is a loose-loose situation and a child in the mix doesn't help.
Staying with someone "because of the child" isn't what a marriage is about: it's about love, trust, committment and being there for each other...a child should be as a result of your love for each other...
I wish you all the best and good luck. It may take alot of time, but you will do what you feel is right and what is best for you and your daughter.
2007-05-11 18:53:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've got proof of his cheating, he confessed to it, and you're not in love with him anymore... Why are you still with him? I understand you have a child together, but wouldn't it be better for the baby to be raised by a happy parent than a unhappy one? If you leave him, you're giving yourself the chance to be happy & create a happy home for your baby. Don't stay in a relationship for fear of the unknown. Plus, wouldn't it be easier to leave him while she's a baby & doesn't really know any better? If she's 5-6 when you leave him, she could end up thinking it's her fault. Just my personal thoughts. I wish you the best of luck in your decision and CONGRATS on the bundle of baby joy!
2007-05-11 18:25:36 · answer #5 · answered by sara78229 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm abit confused as to why you say you love him as a person....as he doesn't show you respect at all. Yes leave him now before your child gets any older, sure it is going to be hard for your child no matter what ages but it is much easier when they are younger.
And more to the point do it for YOURSELF, you do not deserve to be treated this way by anyone, specially someone who clams that they love you, I don't know what his definition of love is but as far as i am aware cheating on someone is not a sign of love,caring, respect or even friendship in the relationship.
2007-05-11 18:47:15 · answer #6 · answered by catiepeh 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I KNOW RIGHT KNOW YOU THINK YOU WILL BE DOING THE CHILD A FAVOR BY STAYING BUT YOU WILL ONLY HURT THE CHILD LATER. MY SON'S FATHER CHEATED ON MY THE WHOLE TIME WE WERE TOGETHER EVEN WHEN I WAS PREGNANT. AFTER MY SON WAS BORN HE STILL WANTED OTHER WOMEN. I EVEN FOUGHT OUT HE HAD ANOTHER BABY BY ANOTHER WOMAN OUR KIDS WAS BORN 6 MONTHS APART. I THOUGHT I COULD STAY WITH HIM BUT I DIDN'T TRUST HIM ANYMORE. I'M GLAD I LEFT WHEN MY SON WAS BORN. I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE MY SON SEEING US FIGHT AND ARGUE ALL THE TIME. SO LEAVE NOW BECAUSE WHEN SHE GETS OLDER SHE WILL SEE YOU DON'T LOVE HER FATHER SO WHY PUT HER THROUGH THAT UNNECESSARY PAIN
2007-05-11 18:50:56 · answer #7 · answered by Feelsolost 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. The worst thing you can do is try to raise a child in a loveless relationship. She is now your priority and deserves every chance at a normal, happy life.
2007-05-11 18:48:14 · answer #8 · answered by James L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think you should stay with him just for the baby. the relationship between them can continue if he wishes to be part of the babys life. as for you staying with him and actually living with the fact that he has cheated and will continue to do so... I dont think that would be healthy either for you and your baby. So Move on... theres more fish in the sea.
2007-05-11 18:24:00 · answer #9 · answered by jaydra 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave now, Been there, done that. My guy would say "I'm 43, not 16" like he viewed cheating to be foolish. He's was a compulsive liar also.
2007-05-11 18:21:47 · answer #10 · answered by Lara Croft 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋