Tell Me, Is My In-law Racist?

Question

My Husband and I have been together for quite some time now, hes white and I am black. My In-laws doesn't talk me and give me the cold shoulder all the time. Last Christmas we when to his parents house for dinner and very polity I greeted my self, his parents looked right through me as if was not there. They’re always talking about me and gossiping. His sister writes me a very nasty message on myspace saying I’m not a part of the family and that is brother was drunk to marry me. Omg, I don’t think I can deal with this. I consider myself a very nice person to him, I don’t nag I’m not quick to start an argument. I really thought that after the wedding things would have gotten better I always ask my husband is this how their going to treat their grandkids? I don’t know what to do, but is it just me or his family racist?

Answer 1

It sounds like his family is racist.
My sister-in-law is black, she is married to my husbands youngest brother. My husbands family are from the South, and are racist, but they are polite to her.
Things got better once they had kids, and gradually the rest of the family is warming up to her.
Don't let your in-laws change the person that you are. Just be yourself, and if they act ignorant, then that is on them. Keep your integrity and don't let them come between you and your husband. I hope that in time they will see you for the good person that you are.

Answer 2

To me there does seem to be some tension because you are of a different race. I myself am african-american and I would be very offended. Did they act this way while you all were dating? How did they react when you got married? There must have been some indication that they didn't like the idea. However, it's not up to them. If you love your husband and your husband loves you, then color should not be an issue. Even if they don't agree with it they should at least treat you with respect. You cannot control what they say behind your back, but I would definitely talk to your husband and tell him how you feel and ask him to talk to his family. If you still don't see a change then I would talk to them myself, with everyone there, and give them a piece of my mind. I would tell them rather you like it or not me and ____ are husband and wife and either you respect that or you don't. I would also tell them if they have something to say to me they can say it to my face, not behind my back, to my husband, over the phone or on My Space. Good luck!

Answer 3

The is a gray zone between racist and culture. Your in-laws might have been against the marriage due to cultural reasons. Not every person or every culture embraces mixed marriages. That doesn't mean they are all bad people or hateful. Your husband probably should have done more work to give his parents the message that you both are happy.

If you take on the racist view, there is no return.

Answer 4

They may not be racist but they just dont know how to accept a mixed race marriage in their family. It sucks you have to go through that. I had a boyfriend who was hispanic and his family would always talk about me in spanish while i was sitting right there. (not knowing i was fluent) usually i just sat and listened until i heard his sister say i was a spoiled white girl and didnt deserve her brother... then i got up punched her in the face walked out the door and never saw him again. oh i'm rambleing... i guess my point is that it should be up to him to make the family at least be courtous to you. after all you'll have to deal with eachother for the rest of your life.

Answer 5

Yes, I am sorry to say that it sounds like they are racists.
But, your husband married you regardless. And I am pretty sure that he knew they were like this, and he married you anyway. Knowing they wouldn't approve.
Now, my inlaws don't like me either, (I have been married for 27 years.) Not because of race, they are rich and I was "trailer trash". So they said, I wasn't good enough for him.
And guess what, we have been married now for 27 years, and we have two grown wonderful sons. We are a very close family.
And his parents didn't acknowledge my kids when they were little, or really even now.
And I am not going to tell you that at the time, going through it, it wasn't hard. Because there were moments when it was very difficult.
But, through all of it, my husband stuck up for me and he didn't let them think that they were pulling the wool over his eyes. And he demanded respect from them for me and my children. They of course, never gave it. But, he let them know he wasn't tollerating it.
He basically chose us over them. And this is what your husband will probably eventually have to do.
They may not give him a choice. I used to worry about this, that he would someday hate me for "taking" him away from his family. But, he always told me that he loved me, and if they didn't then it was their loss. And he would never regret choosing me over them.
Now, 27 almost 28 years later, he says he is so happy. And really we are. And our children don't know his parents as grandparents to miss them as grandparents. So they are fine too.
All I can say is that you need to sit down with your husband, and talk about it. Let him know how it feels and how they are making you feel. And ask him to support you when it comes to their ignorance.
He should not tolerate it. And he should stand up, man up, and protect his wife.
Good luck..................

Answer 6

Racist, hell yes girl, you need to speak to your husband and tell him you are not prepared to put up with this sort of behavior from his family, if they cant except you for who you are then you will not be going to their house anymore, and you need him to talk to his parents to find out whats going on, explain that you are not asking him to take sides but you would like some support from him, you married him because you love him, you didn't marry him to be insulted by his sister or his mother.

Answer 7

i could tell her to coach herself on how the blacks have been given the place they're as we talk. She ought to study some books on how life became for them a pair hundred years in the past, and how they got here to be oppressed, even after the Civil conflict. tell her to earnings the Jim Crow regulations and approximately Freedom Rides and the Klan. She is an ignorant guy or woman spewing ignorant words. She incredibly does not understand what she is talking approximately. i could snicker at her stupidity next time.

Answer 8

Maybe they're just....IN-LAWS.
A lot of people are like that, no matter what race you happen to be. They will just have to get used to you, no matter what their problem is, whether it is racism or just plain obnoxiousness.
You must always be your own kind, gracious self. Eventually they will come around.
I am interracially married, and his parents opposed me at first, but actually after the wedding they were fine. Some people take longer, but I did always bend over backwards to be the good "daughter"

Answer 9

If it continues, then you have to talk to your husband about it. Tell him it is affecting you badly, and you can't deal with this forever. He needs to act as well, as it is his family. And yes, that sounds like racist behaviour, unless there's something you're not saying. If push comes to shove, stand up for yourself (but let him know that you are). Just ignore them and don't have anything to do.
But make your husband decide - pressure him, and if he won't act, then give him an ultimatum. No person deserves to be discriminated against because of something we have no control over - like race!

Answer 10

Sounds to me like they could be racist or just nasty individuals. What do you do? All you can do is try not to associate with your in-laws, or tell your husband that his family is disrespecting you and unless he puts an end to you, you're putting an end to your relationship with him. Life's to short to be treated that way. You may love your husband, but if he loves you, he'll square his family away, asap.!