I'm falling hard for a military man that's leaving in 6 months for Iraq..he wants more and I'm not sure, Help?

Question

I've been dating this great guy for over 8 months now...my problem is I'm nervous about where it's going because he's leaving for a 15 month deployment in about 6 months...he wants more now and I'm hesitant, I care for him a lot and i know he cares deeply for me....any advice is welcome....

He's wanting to make a serious commitment...I'm hesitant because I'm not sure I'm strong enough to be that woman waiting and worrying...but I do love him...

Answer 1

More in what way? Marriage? If you're not ready, you're not ready. You shouldn't feel pressured into marriage because of his military status. If you think you MIGHT want to marry him, wait another 5 months. After a year, you should know if somone is marriage material. Then, if the two of you want to get married, go head! Don't let the military dictate your life too much. You can plan a quicky wedding in a month and then when he comes back, do a big celebration and renew your vows with the big church wedding then.

But be warned: the life of a military wife is not easy. I've been through it myself just recently (husband, army, 12 mos, Iraq). It's not so much the being apart thing. My husband and I actually grew closer in a lot of ways while he was away. Without the day to day hassles and stress, we were really able to talk via email and snail mail and even phone calls about our feelings and hopes and dreams. It was almost like dating again.
The REAL struggle was when he came home. He's been home since the beginning of November and it's only really been in the last two weeks that we feel things are getting back to "normal". Coming back to civilian life can be really hard for them, and you. That is the real challenge.

Whatever decision you make, do it because you want to, not because you feel pressured because of circumstances. If he loves you, and you're not ready, time and distance should not make a difference.
If you want to keep close with him while he's gone, get involved with the family support group connected to his unit. It's not just for married military or blood relatives. Anyone can be apart of it. Join up with other women and that will help you to feel connected. You can use email, snail mail, pictures, packages and all kinds of things to stay in touch.

and once again, we aware that the homecoming is a tough time. Once the happy tears fade and reality sets in, that re-adjustment can be tough. If you can weather through that and stay together, then you are probably ready to get married at that point.

(if you're just talking about having sex, don't do it. If he's pressuring you for that and using the deployment line to get in your pants, give him the shove off. That's a really rotten thing to do. NO commitment...NO booty. Plain and simple)

Answer 2

The thing that you should understand about military people (I am one) is that sometimes we push to move things along faster in our relationships becuase of a) change of station b)deployment c) leaving for training or d) the unknown future of some particular careers. These are all huge, huge, huge reasons why people going into the military or already in the military marry so quickly and why there are lots of divorces or very unhappy/stressed marriages because they were practically slapped together like a PB&J lol. You see (I've seen) so many 18/19 yr olds marry and so many others marry after being together for less than a year or less than 1/2 a year. If it's worth it, it's worth the wait. That's how I like to describe it. Some say "act now" (in the name of love) and some of those relationships really do work out. It's ultimately up to you, but seeing and experiencing what I have brings me to "if it's worth it, it's worth the wait". You can give commitment, but when you feel pressured is when you should be seeing a warning sign. Do what you feel like doing becuase the ulitmate leap is marriage so as long as you hold off on that, then techinically you have a lot more room for choice and options.

Answer 3

You could wait until donkeys fly, but that might be longer than you want to wait for this clown. Why would you lay up and get pregnant by a man who hasn't married you first? Makes no sense. If he doesn't work this out, all you can do is continue in your pregnancy and raise the child without him. With that understanding, you need to prepare for the child's birth. This means you're going to need some extra money. Stop listening to empty promises and file for child support. You may need a paternity test, so you'd better be financially prepared for that as well. If this guy ever gets his divorce, you'll be a fool to marry him. He'll lie and cheat on you, just like he did his own wife. Better wise up, girlfriend. 39 is too old to be a fool.

Answer 4

I am not sure what you mean by He Wants More ? You could mean sex or a higher level of commitment. If you are talking about sex , then you should only do what you are comfirtable doing. Trust your inner voice . If it does't feel right , don't get talked into it. If you become pregnant and he is away on deployment , you will be very alone !!
If you mean a higher level of commitment, the answer really is almost the same. You should trust your inner voice. If you feel like you are ready to commit to a higher level of relationship then the deployment should not matter. It is just a life thing that people live with when they love each other. Military wives are supportive and loving when their husbands are deployed ( or they end up divorced)
On the other hand , if you do not feel like you are ready to make a commitment to he then the fact that he is going away should drive you into something you do not want. Do not let your gulity feeling about him going into harms way , make you do something you really do not want to do.
Decide how you feel about him . Do you picture yourself spending the rest of your life with him or not ? If you do then you are in for the long haul. Being a military wife is hard but the relationship is worth it if you love each other.
If you do not feel ready for being a military wife you should probably just be friends and write letters and email.

Answer 5

I am a military wife and have dealt with several deployments, including a 15 months deployment to Iraq. It is the hardest thing ever. Since you are not this mans wife, tell him you love him but you want to wait to make that deeper commitment until after he returns. Iraq deployments are usually a very long time and alot could change in that amoutn of time. Let me tell ya, I married my husband, in a shot gun wedding, 2 weeks before he left for a 6 month deployment to Italy. If I had it to all over again, I would have waited for his return to see if the feelings are still there. THAT deployment had nothing to do with our now situation (which is very bad) but since his Iraq deployment, we have went down hill. I'd wait if I were you. But its your heart, do what makes you happy.

Answer 6

When you say he wnats more, what do you mean? Does he want a deeper relationship or a little sleepover?

Don't hook up with this guy just because he's going to Iraq. An honorable guy wouldn't push you into anything until you're absolutely ready and comfortable. Just move at the pace you want. After he's gone, or even after he returns, you could find yourself in a relationship you don't want. Just let him go away and see how closely you two stay in touch. If your thing gets stornger while he's deployed, you'll know you have something special. If it gets weaker, you'll know you made the right decision by not giving in before you were ready.

Answer 7

You didn't elaborate on what "more" he wants...do you mean sex or more committment? Marriage? What?

Knowing you'd be apart for 15 months (at least) 6 months from now would be tough...I grew up an Air Force brat and I married an AF guy so I've walked that path...it's takes a special kind of individual to be the significant other of a military person. It can be a tough life with lots of alone time, and frequent relocating.

Answer 8

If you're having doubts, don't do it. Don't marry him just because he's going away. If he really loves you and wants to be with you, he'll wait 'til he gets back if you're not ready right now. And doing it that way, you'll know if you can handle being a military wife, whose husband is sometimes away from home for so long. If so, then his homecoming can be celebrated with a wedding with all his family and friends. And if not, then you won't get into a marriage you're not happy in.

Answer 9

Though being involved with a military man can be quite hard, it is also wonderful. If you care about him then you need to stick by him. When he goes over, he will need you more than you can imagine. My b/f has done 3 seperate tours of duty over in Iraq and he swears thats the letters/packages from me are what kept him going. I know how important it is to them when they are over there to have someone here for them. And if things work out in the end, there are many great benefits of being with a military man.

Answer 10

You've been dating for 8 months and have not had sex?? He's definitely getting it somewhere else, so its really up to you. Keep the relationship this way and see what happens when he comes back, IF he comes back, or give it up and enjoy the last 6 months before he leaves.