Is it wrong?

Question

Is it wrong to divorce a man who isn't who you thought he was? What if this man is a decent man, he doesn't abuse you, doesn't cheat on you but doesn't always respect you? What if the spark isn't there anymore, you always would fight and now you're just sick of it. What if you've tried but can't make him try to make it work. What if you don't know if you love him anymore? What if all he's guilty of is not knowing who you are or taking the time to know who you are, not liking your family, not who you wanted to marry, being lazy, and not pulling his weight financially and not being 100% respectful of you? I'm not sure if I should be considering divorce or not. But this is this situation I'm in. I married young, I still don't think I'm ready for marriage. We've been married less than a year and only new each other a few months before we wed. Coulda shoulda woulda, now I know I shouldn't have rushed. We don't have kids. He's just joined the Navy, against my wishes. I'm catholic.

We got married at the court house with no one there but us, not how I wanted it, how he wanted it. Our sex life is non-existant. I'm depressed and unhappy here. I don't know if I've lost who I am because I'm too busy being what he wants me to be or what I think he wants me to be. I'm not sure if I'm still with him because I feel like I have no where else to go or because I'm too proud or embarassed to be 21 and divorced. He's dragging my credit down and dragging me down financailly. He's had his house foreclosed on, car reposessed and trying to save for bankruptcy, it costs money to file. When he does that things that have both of our names on them will automatically default to me. I had to quit my job so he could work his since we now only have one car, my car. I have no money of my own and we can't even may our bills, things are getting shut off...I'm just waiting for the internet to shut off. He doesn't abuse me, he's faithful...those were the only reasons I though you

should ever get a divorce. I was raised strict catholic and have been a screw up most of my life. Is this going to be just another one of my failures? What will my friends and family think. I'm only 21, and will I already be divorced? I don't know what to do, what's right, what I should be trying to do.

NO! I am NOT having an affair, I would never be unfaithful to my husband!

Oh, and I'm not against people being in the Navy, but my husband had promised me we could move closer to my family in a year and now we won't be able to. He'll be now gone half the year of every year and with a shakey marraige I didn't think that it was best.

Also, he thinks that once we have money and our money problems will go away he won't be stressed and magically the marriage will be better. I don't believe that to be the case because in life there is always something that could be or is stressing you out. A good strong marraige should be able to be maintained and withstand financail difficulty.

Answer 1

Dont make any kids PLEASE with the current state of mind.

Answer 2

*Is Catholic*

If what you say "We got married at the court house with no one there but us, not how I wanted it, how he wanted it." is true
AND
you never had the marriage convalidated
THEN

The Catholic Church does not recognize your civil marriage. You are completely free by Church Law to consider a divorce.

You do not have kids, which is good.

I highly highly highly recommend that, until you get things sorted out, that you stop having sex. 1.) You might be blessed with a kid. 2.) It is not fair to have sex with someone when the love isn't there (faking it is not cool).

My first suggestion for sorting things out is locating a priest. Find a really good one who specializes in this sort of thing. Go to him alone. Tell him 1.) That you were married in the court house 2.) All the problems with the marriage.

Buy this book
Love and Responsibility by Pope John Paul II (might be hard but plow through it)

Why? Because you need to work on understanding what love and responsibility is so that if you divorce, you do not make the same mistake.

Now your description of the situation is not a good one at all, but I do not have the other side of the story. So you really need to talk to your husband about things. He cannot work on things if you do not tell him, you will only end up getting more angry.

So this is what I would have you do.
1.) Get thee to a priest for private counseling.
2.) Get marriage counseling, your parish can help you with this and also set you up with a married catholic couple who can help you and your husband work through things.

You have to decided if
1.) You want to get your marriage normalized and convalidated which with turn your non-sacramental marriage into a sacramental marriage and bar you from getting an annulment for all time. You and your husband need to decide if you truly wish to be together as a married couple without the possibility of divorce, for better or for worse.
OR
2.) Begin the separation process.

God Bless


ps...please if you do not have a marriage that is valid in the eyes of the Church, please don't recieve the Eucharist until you have things sorted out and are divorced or the marriage is convalidated. please please please.

Answer 3

Then it's time you went and consulted a divorce attorney and started finding out your rights and preparing yourself financially for a divorce. When you're no longer happy and you're depressed all the time and you know that you weren't ready to get married more than a year ago and your feelings have still not changed, then it is time for you to get the wheel rolling and start making changes in your life. And in the future if you know that you are not ready for marriage, then don't get married. Marriage is a serious commitment but there is also nothing wrong with being with someone and not getting married. Lot's of people decide to make that choice and live happily ever after. Marriage is just a formality for insurance and legal papers. It is just a piece of paper that says that you are married to so and so. Take your time and don't make that move again until you feel that you are absolutely ready to do so next time.

Answer 4

This is hard hun. God says it is wrong to divorce, but in the same aspect I do not fill he intended for people to be unhappy! You are young and have no children. By the sounds of his actions I feel that he has moved on (cheating) and that is also why he joined the navy. Im sorry but my advice would be to get a divorce and move on. There are 2 sides to every story so I will not say anything bad about either of you. I do feel you are young and now is the time to take action if you are going to. My mom and dad have had problems all 30 years of there marriage. Dont let this be you...Life is too short

Answer 5

It isn't wrong and it doesn't make you a bad person. We all make mistakes and this marriage is a prime example. I know it seems distressing, but to fix the mistake, get the divorce. Consider it as a huge learning experience and move on. God will forgive you...so you need to do the same for yourself.

I could make this very long, but your solution is really quite simple. Just do what you need to do. If it makes sense, talk with your parents. Explain your whole situation and seek their support and guidance.

Answer 6

first you need to realize y you want to leave him if its just the money problems or if you truelly dont want to be with him.... I am going through something kind of the same... My bf quite his job ( he didnt like it) and well left me to pay all the bills.... i had money saved for a car and had to spend that money on bills we are so far behind in our bilsl right... ive thought about leaving him so many times but then i realize that thinsg were fine untill we had money problems....he finaly got a job and hopefully we can start to pay of our bills... i take the bus homes from work must of the time.... but our bills are getting paid and thats all that matters... anyways... iof u are truelly unhappy with the marriage then y not divorce now rather then keep pretending... so do u want to try to make it through this or give up on start over fresh its your choice

Answer 7

lol, Peace be with you, All Marriages are Hell and all have complications it is your duty as a wife to learn and grow and strengthen yourself through theses complications regardless what they are and as the bible says except for unchastity and adultery their should be no divorce, because if you learn to grow from the complications in your marriage you'll love your husband even more, the bible also says do not just read of what the prophets and apostle wrote live by it for a man that does not is like a man who looks in a mirror and leaves then forgets what he looked like. If you were really catholic which is another branch of christianity You would embrace this challenge between this man and you and grow from it,
and the first anwser sounds accurate to.

Answer 8

Its ok to to be divorced. better than being unhappy your whole life. ( married young also and wiated 8 years before divorce wish i woudl have done it early on at the first signs, like u have a chacne to do now ) good luck

Answer 9

Its up to you to decide if its right or wrong.
I recommend to get out of the marriage now before things get really messy. Then grow up a little more and become self sufficient. Get your own career and money. Once you understand who you are then think about getting married. Right now you are a mess because you don't even know who yo are.

Answer 10

Sounds like you are having an affair already and another man is giving you those things which makes you woefully aware of what your husband is not giving you.

No one held a gun to your head to make you get married. Why do people do this. That should be my yahoo question.

Answer 11

You took the vows remember the for better or worse part hopefully this is the bad try and work it out.