my daughter (read inside...)?

Question

im 29, my daughter is 12, she has a bf, and she nos i do not approve, and every thing that i say she gets mad about. we havnt gotten along since her mother passed, wen i ask her 2 watch her sister, who is 6 months, she always tells me "shes not my baby, u watch her" and then she leaves, i cannot hit her, and i dont like 2 yell at her, but when i do she says im a bad father, well bac 2 the bf issue, she spends all of her time with him, and its showing in her school marks, she used 2 get A's and B's now shes getting C's and D's, i dont want her 2 drop out of school, or end up like her mothe and me,my wife had her when she was 14 and i was 15, and i dont want that for my daughter, i dont no what to do for her, we cant talk any more like we used 2, so please if u have any suggestions, i would LOVE 2 hear them

when ever she asks me 2 listen 2 her when she is yelling and im talking, i do listen 2 her, i try 2 compromise, she will only have it her way

Answer 1

wow i am soo sorry for you!! that is a tough situation! it is time for some tough love, she may say she hates you now, but one day she will realize you only had her best intentions in mind. set a day that she can go see her boyfriend, and the rest of the week she is home doing homework and helping around the house. if she doesn;t comply and do everything she needs to, take away the "day off" that week. my mom did this and i hated it, but now i realize it was for my own good and i went on and got a degree and a great job!! good luck dad!

Answer 2

You have to remember that as much as you love your daughter you are still her father and the parent and she is still a child. You need to take her to see a child psychologist because it is a very good possibility that she is acting out because she is still grieving at the loss of her mother. That is still no excuse for her to disrespect you. You should not allow her to be alone with this boy unless you want to be a grandfather at 29 and since she hhas been getting bad marks at school you should have taken her priviledge of having a boyfriend away. At 12 she is neither old enough, nor mature enough to have a boyfriend and if she leaves your house without permission call teh police and have them bring her back home. Start being firm with her and also start attending counseling sessions with her too so that you can learn how to communicate with her. She needs guidance so don't give up on her. Be patient but don't let her walk all over you and do what ever she wants to do because it will be a recipe for disaster and also find things to occupy her time with such as volunteering or extra curricular activities. I wish you the very best of luck. You will have a long tough road ahead of you but don't give up. She has a father who loves her and cares about her which says alot about you. SHe is lucky, lots of kids have parents that don't care.

Answer 3

This is a tough one. I don't really think a 12 year old should be allowed to watch a 6 month old personally. You need to tell her that she needs to talk to you with more respect. Maybe when she talks to you badly you can ground her, send her to her room or ban her from things like her mobile, computer etc. As far as the boy friend the more you ask her not to see him the more she is going to want to see him so maybe comprimise. Like if she spends time doing homework where you can see her eg. kitchen table she can spend all day Saturday with him. Or let her see him from 4 to 6 each day but only if she keeps her grades up. I am sure if you talk to her calmly about safe sex she will hopefully make the right decisions. Just keep calm. If you think she is having sex maybe take her to a GP to talk about contraception. Best wishes.

Answer 4

I'm sorry about your wife. I can't even begin to know the pain you are going through.

As for your daughter, it sounds like she has a lot of unresolved anger that needs to be addressed. You should contact her primary doctor or pediatrician to discuss the issue and maybe do a little therapy.

When I went through my divorce, both of my kids started acting out in much the same way. I did call their ped and started sessions. Now, they are well adjusted teenagers (or as well adjusted as a teenager can be).

Please don't wait, if she is on the wrong road, it will be harder to turn her around later.

Good luck.

Answer 5

She is probably missing her mother. That's the problem. Does she have a woman she can talk to about "growing up"? A good book is "The Care and Keeping of You". It is by American Girl.

Anyway, she'll grow out of it. But you have to toughen up, or else she will end up getting pregnant and into all that stuff. Don't let her date until she's 16 or something.

I'm glad that you want good for your daughter, because I lot of young dads like you don't give a crap.

Answer 6

I am going to dread when my daughter gets that age. I might suggest going to a group therapy that will help you better deal/handle your daughter. I know some local hospitals have single dad groups that could give you some good advice. Your already a good father simply because your concerned and want to help. Don't give up, just do a little research and I am sure you will find your answer. Good luck!

Answer 7

hun it took me 5 years of therapy to get over my parents divorce, let alone my mother passing, i'd be a reck! i love my mommy so much it's painful at times. (dad and i don't talk anymore) try starting a conversation about the topic... just sit next to her and sigh and lok sad one day, when you catch her looking at you, just be like "sorry, i was just thinking about your mom..." and go on about how cool she was and how you fell in love and what you remember most about her, ask her like "hey remember when you were little and..." ya know, try and see if her mom's death is still bothering her. that's probaly it. try treatment, it really sounds like (from her behaviors and mouthing off) that she is having an over-reaction to depression. that is exactly what happend to me, and how she is acting is just i how i usd to be. let her know that her mom passing hurt you too, that it's hard for you to move on to, but that you will always be there for your daughter now. that it's you and her against the world now and that you have to look out for each other. things like that. i wish i could give better advice, i really hope things work out though. good luck

Answer 8

first of all maybe family counsiling for the two of you, i was the same way when i was her age because my mother abandoned us, i took everything out on my dad, and got a boyfriend my grades suffered. now that i look back at it i should have done the counsiling with my father. and ground her, be strick, i know it's hard but you have to put your foot down or she is going to walk all over you. and boyfriend, put a STOP to it, tell her no... whatever you need to do, get her away from him. she needs structure, she'll be mad now but when she's older she'll appreciate it. i know i would have

Answer 9

Listen to her. Use the angle that you are so sorry that things have been shitty lately. And say "What can I do to help you?" She may resist at first but just explain that when things are bad we can stew in it or make it better. We have the option to choose to be happy. My advice is to listen and compromise. Give her the respect of hearing her out and she will do the same for you.

Answer 10

I am sorry you are having such trouble with her but she is going through some changes too. Try talking to her guidance counselor at school about her grades and the problems, he/she can guide you or get some counseling for both of you.