I have two children who are 16 and 10. He doesn't have any biological. He would like to adopt my children since they do not see their own father. Should we have another child and start the baby days over again? Would we regret not having a child when we get older? Hoping to hear especially from couples who had similar situation.
2007-05-11 08:55:09 · 20 answers · asked by kim 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe you should wait for a while and see how the marriage works out. Dont want to get divorced and have 3 kids!
2007-05-11 08:58:20 · answer #1 · answered by marisanj 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been in a very similar situation and all I can tell you is that if both of you aren't on the baby bandwagon 2000%, then you shouldn't be having a baby. Children (as you know) are a lot of work, they take a lot out of a marriage and they're a life-time committment. It's not fair to bring a child into this world if you're not completely and unquestioningly committed to the process.
Having said that, if you and your new husband are completely committed to having a baby, then you should go for it. If you're not, well, I understand the "what if we regret this decision later" worry because it's one that I have myself. However, I figure that I'd rather regret *not* having a baby than to regret *having* one.
Good luck.
2007-05-11 16:14:10 · answer #2 · answered by RMarcin 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are introducing your teenage children to a new dad and that is going to be hard enough. I would not rush into something like this unless you talk to him about it and even involve your own kids and see how they feel about it. I think bringing a baby into a new marriage when kids are already involved can be very stressful and taxing on the parents and the grown kids. I think if you still want to do it in a couple of yrs. if you got the time to spare then do it then. Your fiance just may be happy enough taking care of your own kids since he says he would like to adopt them he may not want a baby around and is getting to old to really want one. Have you ever considered he got involved with you because you have to grown kids that will be out of your live's soon and off to college or university and you guys's can travel. Parenting should be planned and discussed if he doesn't want a baby of his own I would not be concerned about this he is marrying you for you not to have a kid!.
Congrats on your engagement and Best Wishes on your Special day and the Future. God Bless!
2007-05-11 16:18:33 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have two children from a previous marriage 12, and 10. My husband didn't have any when we got married. We now have a 1 year old girl. I can talk about it and if you both are okay with another child then go for it!!! As far as him adopting your children do talk to the children about it, they will be changing their names. If the children are okay then go for it!!!! You sound like you have a wonderful man in your life!!!!
2007-05-11 16:10:52 · answer #4 · answered by stefanibrown74 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you ask strangers whether you should have a baby with your new husband? The choice whether or not to have children should be between you and your husband and not strangers on an internet message board. No one can say whether you should or shouldn't no one here can say whether you will regret your decision as you get older. Every couple is different, every decision is different.
First thing you have to do is if he wants to adopt your kids is to get a lawyer and petition their biological father to sign off all parental rights.
2007-05-11 16:00:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am on my second (and last) marriage. He has three boys, I have two, and we have a 5 month old daughter together (thank god, it was a girl!!).
Although our daughter is the light of our lives....we're not the only ones....and yes, we were a little selfish when we thought of what "we" wanted.
It was weird for his sons (who are older) to think that their dad was starting over again.....they have adjusted.
My sons (still living with us at home) think it is weird also, but they are coming around and who can resist a baby??
Take it slow, involve your children. I suggest you do what I do, and make it clear to them that they don't have to "do" anything with the baby unless they want to. They never have to babysit or change diapers, feed her, etc. This is my baby, and I will care for it. the last thing your other children want is to be "saddled" with a child they didn't ask for. It will only cause resentment.
Good luck to you.
2007-05-11 16:19:32 · answer #6 · answered by salemgirl1972 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I know that some newly-wed couples with children will have a child to "seal" the marriage. But really the choice up to the two of you. When I remarried, I thought about it and so did he...but for us it's a matter of do I want to be 50 when my kids 18, or are we done and want to travel and have a good time.
When you mention "regret" it makes me wonder if you've already decided the answer your self. If you two want a baby now would be the time to do it, so to speak. But if you guys are content with the size of your family now, just enjoy it..because in 8 years the two of you will be free to do what you want to do! Good luck in what ever decision you guys make!
2007-05-11 16:13:02 · answer #7 · answered by CJ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm on my second marriage...had 2 kids from my previous. My current hubby didn't have any biological kids either. We decided to have a third kid together and it's wonderful. My children are younger (7, 5), and the only issue I have to deal with now is when my 2 older kids visit their dad (very rarely), my youngest one (3) gets very upset because she doesn't understand why her siblings are leaving. But 'm really glad I decided to have another kid. If the two of you want a little one, go or it. God bless!!
2007-05-11 17:42:26 · answer #8 · answered by SPARKY_1212 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to him and see if he would like another child and make a decision that way. I just got married for a second time and I have two girls and my husband really wants another child but I can't give him one If I could I would in a heart beat. Just find out how he feels.
2007-05-11 16:00:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure if trying to guess how you might (or might not) feel about a certain decision 20 years from now is the best way to come to this decision. Try to think in terms of today, and if it "feels right" to have a child. Do you guys want another baby? Do you not want another baby? There's nothing wrong with either decision; follow your instinct.
2007-05-11 16:25:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a co-worker who is 42 w/ 4 kids (20 the oldest and 9 the youngest) and got married for the 2nd time last year. Currently she's pregnant w/ her 5th since this is her husband's first marriage and he wanted a baby.
2007-05-11 16:08:26 · answer #11 · answered by April 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋