My in-laws were rude at my wedding?

Question

My husband and I just got married last week and during the ceremony, his entire side of the family (which we were both aware didn't approve of the marriage) did nothing but sit there and sigh and roll their eyes through the whole thing. After the wedding, none of his family (with the exception of his mom) said a word to me or anyone in MY family and didn't even come to the tables we set up for the reception. My husband noticed this and he was a little upset but didn't really think about it until after the wedding.

I'm very hurt by their behavior and what I don't understand is that if they felt THAT strongly about our marriage why did they come at all only to be anti-social and contemptuous of the whole thing? We're married now whether they like it or not but I'm afraid I'm never going to really be 'family' to them. My husband and I were both hurt by their behavior...

How do I go about dealing with this?

Answer 1

The first thing you need to remember is you married your husband, not the family. Now that you are married, you have a new family to begin. Stop worrying about beginning a "family" with them and worry about starting your own, so that one day this isn't your child writing this question because of you. Make sure you can great communication with your children.

Good luck

Answer 2

Move far enough away that you don't have to see them and its a major inconvenience to see them. It will either make them appreciate you more or they will just not be in your life. Either way it is now you and him that matter not them. you have to draw the line. That was very rude and inconsiderate what they did. If they don't like you they should have at least been supportive of him. So sorry they are like that but unfortunately some people never learn to control themselves. Try not to let it interfere with your marriage. You are starting a new life together and its is hard enough to learn to live with each other and then to deal with pesky and rude in-laws!?!? But what worked for us was moving away from the ones who were so disapproving to begin with they have to come to realize the 2 of us together is not such a bad thing even though it has taken 13 years for that!!

Answer 3

Rise above it. As hard as it may be, do not even let them know that they hurt you. Be kind to them, act like they are your biggest supporters, and show them what a wonderful bride your husband got and how happy the two of you are. All the while, you can make voodoo dolls of all of them and stab needles in their eyes every night before bed time...Just kidding about the dolls...

Answer 4

You can't do anything but get over it for your husbands sake. You might be able to ignore them, but he will still have to deal with them. If you make a big deal about it, he will be the one to suffer. Don't expect him to do much, as that is still his family. Yes he needs to support you, but not to the extent that it will cause him pain with them. It's your job to not hurt him just as it's his job to support you. Women often make the mistake of expecting all the support, without considering the pain it will cause him. Don't be that type of wife, it will only confirm that your in-laws were right about you.

Answer 5

Bad news, it's NEVER going to get better, and the harder you try or the more you care, the worse it will get. Honest.

Let it go. Set boundaries and right off as a COUPLE tell them that you were disgusted by their behavior at your wedding and that from now on out the TWO of you are not going to have anything to do with ANY of them unless they appologize and totally change their attitudes. Stick to it as a COUPLE...if they appolgize and refrain from further nasty behavior then you win...if they don't applogize and you never have to spend another second in their nasty miserable company, YOU WIN.

Answer 6

This happened to me but worse. While doing the table seating for the wedding, my EX Psychotic Mother in Law had a fit because she couldn't put 12 people at a 10 person table, and suddenly this was MY fault. She ignored me at the rehearsal dinner, ignored ME (not him) at the wedding, refused to join in on the first dance (we had both sets of parents join in rather than the bridal party) - Refused to congratulate us when the videographer came around, and left the reception early. My exhusband cried after the wedding because he was so hurt. Of course, when we got back from our honeymoon, I came home to hear all of the gossip about how *I* ignored her, etc. My psychotic ex husband "pretended" not to care, insisting he hated them, they were dead in his mind and life was just going to continue without them. Me, I don't play pretend so right there caused friction between us. Everyone told me, you married him, not his family, just live your life. I couldn't. I was so ANGRY and hurt. I had never been despised by an adult woman who was supposed to be my "second mother". I am very strong, but I can be very sensitve, and this greatly affected me. My father told me to encourage my ex husband to mend fences because it will interefere in the marriage. I didn't believe him, but it did. Because I ended up hating his family so much, when we had arguments, I would insult his family (and it wasn't hard to think of something to sling because they are all very big people). (this is a terrible thing to do by the way).

And as much as people around you will be "supportive" --other family members, etc. they will also relish in telling what you what was said about you. My sister in law I think enjoyed telling me things that were said about me.

We were divorced two years later, not because of this, but I think it was a big part. If I could go back, I would have tried harder not to let it bother me. It bothered me ALOT. Too much. Way too much. But obviously my marriage was very weak to begin with (in fact I know it was, it was a big mistake) - But like I said, if I could do it over again, I would not have given her so much power over me. If you address this, it is very possible this will get MUCH worse, it did for me. And you are going to be dealing with this your whole life. I feel bad for you, I know how you feel. I never thought the family you were marrying into was really a factor, but it really is.

Whatever you do, DO NOT say anything derogatory about your husbands family. Even if he does, don't agree, don't chime in. This is a BAD habit to start, it will cause ALOT of problems for you. You don't want to lose your husbands respect. In the end, have him say, "after all of this happened, you have never said an unkind word about my mother" (or whatever). But you might say something nasty out of anger and he may not appreciate that (that is his family) and boom-you two are in a fight.

Answer 7

Have you ever watched Everybody Loves Raymond? My mother in law is the clone of Marie Barone. Good luck honey. You could get your husband and go and talk to them and try to work something out. It may work. I tried with my in laws and it didn't. As I got older and as we have been married for 27 yrs. it is now on "nice" terms but nothing more. You are going to have to think about your children too if you have any, they have a right to see their grandparents and vice versa. I do wish you luck!

Answer 8

Just be a good person, and if they dont come around its their loss. Be happy with your new husband and have a good life with him, Im sure the pain of them being rude like that wont go away but dont let it eeffect you.

Answer 9

Come on, lighten up ! Weddings go on forever and the only people who really enjoy them all the way thru are the bride and groom ! I know at my son`s wedding i was bored half way thru thinking come on....
( you`re not his wife - are you.....? )
I think you should leave it alone and do your best to get along with them now you`re related to them. You`ll do no good dragging this up. Wait til you`re invited to a wedding and see how long they go on - you might want to roll your eyes...................................................

Answer 10

Ignore their poor training. You and your husband need to enjoy your honeymoon and to hell with them. Deal with the BS later. If they can't be polite to you then cut them out but that has to be a joint decision between you and your husband. Just please don't allow this to cause problems between you and congratulations.