Is it a bad idea to go out with a boy who wants you to have a baby?

Question

So i have been datin this guy for about 5 months coming up on 6 on the 27 of may..he loves me in know he does because i'm his first for everything...being his g/f in all i think that i have a say in this he says that he really wants this and so do i have dont have a problem with it,...i want it just as much as he does but i'm 16 and my mom would kill me and so would my family but i dont really care what they think its somthing i really want and he keeps telling me its all up to me and some guys would care less about somthing like that but he wants this and so do i but is it a bad idea to have a child at this age,,we have money and all that covered all i want to know is if i will be some angry depressed person after all this,,,and i know that all of you are ganno tell me i'm to young thanks you thats is what my mom is for but if you must...go ahead....THanks

Answer 1

It would be a very bad decision. I grew up in a neighborhood where by the time i graduated high school, I knew about 10 girls that had a baby. Many won't admit it because they love their child, but they all regret the poor decision.

At 16, you have so much life ahead of you, and it is really hard for a teenager to understand this...i would know, i am a teenager (19 in college). I was lucky, and unlucky, to see as many things in my life as i have. Most have been tragic, and would make anyone break down, but i have learned so much, and one of the things that has moved me the most is young girl's decisions to have a child.

At 16, you'd have the baby by 17. This would mean you haven't graduated high school. Do you want to go to college? I know people who had full ride scholarships and an amazing future...yet their baby prevented them from progressing. And yes they love their babies and wouldn't have it any other way, but what about the child???

Don't you want to be as educated as possible before having the baby? Don't you want your child to flourish as a great kid, being able to provide sound advice, learned from experience and not from what someone else told you?

You shouldn't even have to worry about money when you have a child. You should have a sound career, that way the child will have a greater sense of stability, and will be less insecure as he/she grows up.

Your parents are worried about you and I know you do not care, you shouldn't care about that. What you SHOULD, what you MUST be conscerned with is the future of your child. At the very young, very inexperienced age of 16/17, will you be able to provide the brightest and most promising life and future for your child?? That is what is most important.

Answer 2

Girl, if you have to ask, then you already KNOW the answer. If you are having second thoughts, and something feels "not quite right" about it...Then, sorry, but "DRRRRP!!!!" TRUST me, you do NOT have all the money covered. What do you think is enough money? Have you gone to price formula, yet? Know what you AND ESPECIALLY this dumb@$$ little boy need to do? Talk to some mothers. Talk to some that are struggling to make ends meet on two jobs-paying for babysitting(No the hell your mother will not watch your child all the time), diapers(and I am talking the Walmart brand, cuz Pampers and Huggies and Loves are EXPENSIVE for something that is going to be thrown out), wipes(also store brand), formula for the first 12 months(at least 3 cans a month of the GIANT size ones-and some babies have allergies from infancy and have to have the $65-a-can that only come in the smaller size...THEN we are talking about 3 or 4 cans a WEEK!), then when they get old enough? Infant cereal, baby food...OH! I forgot to mention the special baby water, because you can't use tap water until they are at least 6 months old. Then there is the clothes...
Do I need to go on? Don't tell me your young behinds have enough money to take care of a baby.
I am getting fired up. Let me stop now.
Go ahead. Have a child. Talk to me this time next year. Tell me if I am lying.

Answer 3

I wouldn't say a broad sweeping comment like "u are too young". Although that argument has some merit, i think looking at why people resond that way to a 16 year old is because your opinions, your tastes, likings and dislikings, what you find attractive, how much work you want to take-on now, what you will need to sacrifice, etc. will all be affected as you develop into an educated adult.

Don't get me wrong, you are probably a bright girl - that is apparent by you asking the questions. However, the answer must come from you.

Something else to think about is that although you and your BF are together on this, not only will your tastes change, so will his. Not having the experience of raising a child puts you at a disadvantage to making an intelligent decision.

My suggestion is to babysit friend,s and family's children to see the work involved. You might want to travel the world, get a college education, and live life with your BF before making such a huge life changing decision.

Answer 4

My brothers girlfriend is 16 and she is due next month. Her life is over basically. Yeah, she will have a beautiful baby girl but she will never get to experience life. Neither she or my brother make enough money to have fun in life and now they have added a baby to the equation. She tells me all the time, she wishes she would have been more careful ( and the baby is not even here yet!) You are making the most terrible mistake you will ever make in your life time. A baby is a blessing, but only when you are ready, otherwise it is a nightmare. After you get pregnant, you will soon find that your 16 year old friends will want nothing to do with you, you will probably not finish high school and you will most likely never have a decent paying job. What a great life for your baby!!!!!!!!! Also for the boyfriend, he only thinks he truly loves you. You guys are just babies yourself. He probably wants to get you pregnant so he can control you and he thinks that having a baby might keep you from never dumping him. Think hard on this because if you have a baby, there is no turning back.

Answer 5

If you are asking, then you are not really that convinced that you want to have a baby at this age.
You migth have the economical part solved, but having a baby is much more than that, is he willing to marry you at this moment? or is it to much of compromise? Well, having a baby is as compromising as marrying.
Being a mother is the greatest thing that can happen to you, but i don't think is the rigth time, if he really loves you so much you can both wait for this to become something real, you cannot really know how is he going to act during some crisis, when you have a real problem like not having money or not having work..
You cannot know what will really be even your reactions in front of problems that you will face once you have a baby, and he start growing. You have been togheter for 6 months, have you solved something really big togheter?
And it seems immature to me that he keeps telling you it's your choice. This decition is not a single person decision, you have to do it both, togheter, and this seems like he want's you to take whole responsability, look at this little thing and then you can notice how irresponsable is this guy.
I'm not saying he is going to be a bad parent, i'm saying you don't have enougth information to make that choice at this point.
We cannot tell you what to do, you are an independant person, but you are still a teenager, and you can do a lot of things with your life, i can tell you this great experience will be even better if you do it once you have done something else with your life, and then you will be able to give your children a great example of a responsable person who knows how to give your self a better life.

Answer 6

i wanted a baby soooo much when i was your age. Instead, I got therapy. it worked wonders and i realized i didn't have to bring another person into the world, or do whatever a boy wanted, in order to feel loved.

I did end up haing my daughter when i was 21. Her dad Wanted a baby too. but, a year later he had a drug problem and i became a single mom. IT WAS HARD!
I went back to college and am now $30,000 dollars in debt from student loans and trying to raise a child on my own and get an education.

If he loves you so very much, he should be ever so happy to wait until you have finished your education, done some travelling, suffered some heartache, bounced back, had a drink in a bar, gone dancing until 2am, learned proper grammer and punctuation, landed a job with health benefits, kept a plant or a puppy alive for more than a couple months, etc...
I was angry and depressed on missing out on a lot of these things.

More importantly, what do you want for this child? What are your plans for the life you will be totally and utterly responsible for?

Babies are not all cute and cuddly. The cry at 2 am, they scream at 3 am, they leak various fluids and solids, they get terrifying fevers and unexplained rashes, they get tummy aches and gas and are prone to neediness, PLUS they come out of a very small opening in your body.

What do his parents think? You should ask them if they are ready to be grandparents.

You've got 30 years or so of fertility ahead of you. What's the rush?

Answer 7

If you are ready then it won't depress you to have a baby. You may get postpartum depression after the baby but that can be treated. You need to wait until you move out and have your own health insurance at least. How else do you think the baby will get insurance? I mean maybe the state would cover it but if you have money covered your income would be higher than they allow for that.

It's not just age but rather maturity. Not trying to say you a whiny little kid or anything just that no matter how much you want to be you are not ready. I don't know how you have money covered for a baby. My parents are stable financially but even they would have problems if they had a baby again. But assuming you are correct that you have money covered, you still are not ready. I wanted a baby so bad at your age. And trust me I tried. But it wasn't meant to be and I'm thankful that I didn't. See having a baby and taking care of it is hard enough when you have support from friends and family. Wait til you are at least 18 and have gone to clubs and had your fill of a good time. I love my son and do not regret him in any way. But I was 20 when I had him and I still had to grow up a lot during my pregnancy. Even though I was very mature and born with a mothering instinct I had only done so much in my life. Once you have a baby you lose all the freedom and spontaneaity you get to enjoy when you are young. I can't go anywhere without finding a sitter and the whole time I'm out I have to be able to rush home at a moment's notice in case my sitter has a problem or something happens to my child. People don't tell you those things because they don't want to scare you. But think of things you want to do like finish high school, go to college, travel the world, be in a band, etc. You can technically do those things with a baby but it is so much harder and can be really hard on your kids. You either drag them around with you or don't see enough of them. Just wait until your relationship is really stable. Wait until you can feel confident thata baby won't depress you or anything.

I'm not talking down to you or anything like that. I just don't want you to miss out on living life as a semi free adult before having kids. Trust me. It's best if you have good memories to look back on when you are holding that baby and thinking I wish I could go to starbucks at 3am just to hang out with friends. Prom would not be the same with a baby or if you were pregnant either. Just wait til you finish high school at the very least... I'm begging you! *pleading sad puppy dog face*
Megan
p.s. If you need more info or help i'm here to talk. IM me on yahoo or AIM at cuddleupnwiner if email preferred [e-mail]

Answer 8

Well, I am not going to say don't do it, in the end the decision is totally up to you...but my ADVICE is to wait.

Having a baby is such a blessing, which I am sure you are aware of....but it's no easy task. I am 21 and 5 months pregnant & becoming a single mother. My "ex fiance" wanted a child too. Now that we have one on the way....he's a totally different person. (I am not saying your b/f will be this way) I am working more than full time...4am-4pm as a 911 operator and than go to school 3 nights a week from 5pm to 10pm. Financially I am struggling. Having a baby is no easy task and my daughter isn't even here yet. Plus I have to think about how I am going to afford unpaid maternity leave and pay the hospital bills after she is born.

Before I got pregnant..I was living MY life...traveling, living college life,going out with my girlfriends, just living life with complete freedom! When I found out I was pregnant...my life changed instantly! You have so much to look forward to and have so much time to have a baby. I am not going to be a hyporcrite....because getting pregnant...psh I wouldn't change for the world...but like I said my ADVICE to you is wait. Experience your life at least til 21....you'll enjoy it.

Good luck & God Bless.....

Answer 9

It would probably be the biggest mistake of your life. No matter what he tells you, if you have a baby, you will be the one who has to stay home babysitting. Just look at all the other girls who made that same mistake. He will be hanging out with his friends, having a good time and you will be stuck somewhere feeling depressed, changing diapers, wiping the runny noses, not to mention the weight gain and change of appearance that comes with with pregnancy. You have to be mature to understand and accept this. Believe me, it's no fun seeing baby poop on your hands when you are young. Very often, the boys start to get tired and bored with the responsibility of being a young father and try to run away from the stress. If you believe you can hold onto him by having a baby, think again. It is more likely to make him feel frustrated and hateful toward you for making him feel trapped. Girls are the ones who suffer the most when a baby enters the picture. Don't be a fool.

Answer 10

I'd say get married, first. And you're too young for that.
Second: you can't be really really sure that this guy loves you unless he stays with you after the baby comes around, and even then...I know that you might resent me a little for saying that, but that's the truth of it.
Third, if you do try to have a baby, you're still in high school, right? You're awfully young- not even legally allowed to live on your own! (I think) Also, can your body handle the stresses of carrying a baby for nine months and then giving birth? It sounds like you have a very strong mother instinct, but you are too young. If you want a baby that much, ask your parents to adopt one and let you take care of her/him...
You do realize that if you have a baby now, or even when you're 17, you would be young enough to be the baby's older sister.
I don't mean to sound judgemental, I just think you should be careful- a baby isn't like a hobby that you can drop when you get bored with it, and you've still got a lot of your teenage years ahead of you- what happens when you want to go the movies with the girls but the baby needs you because she's teething?
Just carefully consider before you do it, and ultimately, I'd say wait, and wait, and wait, until you are totally completely ready (and you're married!!) =)