Would you not fight for your family in a situation like this?

Question

To make a long story short, 3 years ago my daughter and I had a terrible parting of ways. In that time, she lost custody of her children (for questionable reasons) and they were placed for adoption with the foster parents, a very wealthy Mennonite couple in Oregon.

In December I found out about this. I'm fighting like a mother bear, got this so-called adoption stopped, as the State never contacted me regarding any of this, yet they had my information since this started.

The case worker and the adoptive parents are treating me as if I'm the bad guy (or gal). The caseworker said she would never think to get involved, yet she has grandchildren. She also stated that she'll recommend my grandkids stay where they are; she hasn't even met us yet! My grandkids and we are very close. I've been talking to them each week since I found them. We also got to see them in March and it was great! My daughter and I have also reunited!

Do you think I'm wrong to try and get custody? Annie

When our grandkids saw us in March, my oldest grandson (he's11) said to my hubby, "I knew you'd find us Grandpa." They never gave up hope!

Answer 1

If you are willing to take this responsibility on your hands and provide them with your very best, you are not wrong; and you should fight for their custody. They should have given you the choice first, you need to make sure that you fight very eloquently and do not give them any reason to believe that you would be anything like your daughter; i don't mean this in any derogatory way; they are judging you based on her history. Remember you are the person that raised your daughter and unfortunately the system is very prejudice in that sense. If you really want them hopefully your love for them can overcome their money. Best of Luck.

Answer 2

Have a frank discussion with your daughter about this. Ask her if she told the case worker, or anyone involved negative things about you. You were estranged at the time the adoption was initiated, so it's possible she did.

Also, the fact that you've reunited with your daughter might work against you in the minds of the case worker. He children were taken from her. The worker might feel your petition for custody might just be the mother sneakily getting custody back.

Make an appointment with the case worker to discuss all of this. If there is no reason to bar you from custody, you need to make your eligibility clear and prove it. You should also be prepared to support their view of your daughter. Even if you disagree, they've made the determination that she is unsafe. If you contradict that view, you will be declared unsafe too.

Answer 3

Annie, you asked, so I'm gonna tell ya. I don't think we're getting the whole story. Your "mother bear" fighting is clouding your judgement. Your account has a lot of holes in it, and I've heard enough of these that I bet I could fill in the blanks with greater than 90% accuracy. What's best is that the children are safe and in a nourishing environment that they can depend on--they should not have to risk all the drama again. If you really want to be near them and be grandma to them, then move nearby in Oregon and starting going to the Mennonite church.

Answer 4

No not at all. The state should be first making sure none of the relatives want the children. In your case family should get the children.....
I think you are doing a good thing, and should be fighting for your grandkids.....
At least someone is fighting for them!
I don't know why your daughter didn't ask you if you could take the children......
just make sure they have a stable environment.

Answer 5

I think that is awesome. Props to you! I believe in adoption when the parents are unfit but if you can avoid taking the children entirely from their blood relatives what a blessing for them. This way they will be raised with love and provided for while still being able to know their mother. What an awesome grandparent you are. I'm sure the children will appreciate that someone cared enough to fight for them as they grow older and understand things more.

Answer 6

It's going to take a lot of repeating what you just told us to the right people.
Don't give up. Stick in there.


I thought putting children up for adoption was a last resort, if other family members aren't available.
Keep pushing. let the authorities know you are there and able to provide a loving and supportive environment for them.

All the best.

Answer 7

Honey, I would kill for someone i consider family. Do all you can so long as it doesn't adversely affect the children involved - if it harms them, back the f*** away - that is what I had to do with my second daughter, and it hurts every moment of every day, so much you try and not think about it at all, just so you can function each day.
peace!

Answer 8

Thank God you are able to have contact with them, thats good news. You didn't speak of their age, but if the kids seem well taken of and loved in the place they have been living for the past couple of years, well....what if you could, instead of going for custody, perhaps the addotive family would be willing to let you visit them on a grandparents level...weekends,holidays,birthdays ect. ect.? I'm a grandmother too, so I feel for you God Bless

Answer 9

Not really fight to get the custody. Before adoption they should have talked to you. Was your daughter ok with the adoption?

Answer 10

nope you have a thing called grandparents right that allow you to press for custody if your grandchildren are being taken out of their home and sent to foster parents... i know two people who has had many foster parents and this is what they have said when they were taking in foster children
and congrats about you and your daughter reuniting!
good luck