My gf and I are going to have a baby and I love her and want to be with her and we are going to move in together. But I hate having marriage pressured on me as she wants marriage before birth and I will probably go through with it but hate the pressure of steadily being asked. Her mom is also a big influence in her life and I am independent and want to make my own decisions together with her. Her mom is telling her that we need to move faster than we are and we dont have the money to start things together and I disagree. Her mom is also trying to tell her how we should do things and saying we should buy a house when I dont want to right now. I want to start first with an apartment. Her mom wants to give us all sorts of free stuff and furniture but I dont want her to be able to use that to control us saying "Well I helped you out with this so you should do this for me". I have sat down and done my own budgeting and my own planning that I share with my gf.
2007-05-11 04:31:58 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We are both 24. I just hate having the mom of my gf wanting to push us along and to push her and influence her to do what she thinks we should do. I am not an idiot and I have a good job with benefits, and good pay and she works as well. I dont want to say or do something that makes my gf think I dislike her mom but I am not going to be run over by another person. I have gotten myself to where I dont worry about what her mom says and just do things at my own pace but my gf cant seem to let go of mom and she gets into a panick mode when I dont rush when her mom says something. When she first found out she was pregnant her mom wanted us to go look into marriage that weekend and I brushed it off saying lets handle things one at a time.
2007-05-11 04:34:52 · update #1
Your girlfriend needs to tell her mother that she is starting her life with you and that you two need to plan this together. Her mother has nerve! This is NONE of her business! Her 'little girl' is all grown up and is a woman.......which means she can (and should) make her own decisions. My husband and I will be married 20 yrs in October and I have to say, his mother was ALWAYS controlling. I actually put up with it way longer than I should have. Why? TO SPARE HER FEELINGS! Finally, I realized that I shouldn't spare her feelings and make myself miserable. Things are fine now....but, my point is, as long as you guys let this go on, it will go on. Nip it in the bud now. You'll just make yourself miserable if you don't. Of course your girlfriend should tell her mom nicely and respectfully and if she can't handle it, that's her problem. The mom should just let you guys know that she is there is you ever need her.....she shouldn't be 'taking over' like this. This is so not right. Best of luck to you and your girlfriend and congrats on becoming a dad!
2007-05-11 04:59:49 · answer #1 · answered by sassysusie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not rush into marriage as you do not sound like either of you are ready. The baby on the way is going to be stress full enough. Your girlfriend needs to tell her mom to back off or not involve you in every word that comes out of her mothers mouth. I am sure her mom means well but, bottom line her daughter is unmarried and pregnant with a guy who is not interested in getting married so who could blame her. I don't think she in visioned her daughter having a baby living in an apartment and shacking up with some guy.
2007-05-11 05:10:27 · answer #2 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she's probably the only mother in the world that does want her daughter to get married. You should be flattered, I think. Maybe she really likes you and knows you will take care of her daughter. And as far as the gifts, she is probably just wanting to help, if she feels she can't give her daughter everything she would like, this is her way of trying to help and it makes her feel useful. Take it gratefully and if there are strings attached you can always let her know where she stands. A mother and daughter bond is special, try to understand and be patient. There will be times that only her mother can comfort her and times that only you can.
Try to be respectful of her mother, as this will score points for you with your girlfriend and make things better all around. Whether you take her advice or not, just agree with her and be nice, but do what you feel is best for your new family. Good luck.
2007-05-11 05:05:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have thought about all this before you got your girlfriend pregnant. And yes, you should be getting married so your baby will be legit. Step up to the plate and be a man for a change. Though your girlfriend's mother may be a bit more involved than she should, she probably also noticed that you need to grow up and get with the program.
2007-05-11 05:03:19 · answer #4 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
looks like your in for one heck of a ride with htis one. your girl should be the one telling her mom to back off. not like that but maybe, "mom we appreciate the help, but we need to do this on our own" if shes this controling now, wait til the baby gets here !! just keep your kool, sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, but your girl has to "put mom in her place" or the end result isnt going to be good. good luck
2007-05-11 04:37:12 · answer #5 · answered by clubchaos1965 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Grow up and stop the whining you little punk. You were man enough to have sex with her before you married her now be man enough to deal with the consequences. You better get used to her mother. Sounds like she is going to be a big part of your life now.
2007-05-11 04:39:07 · answer #6 · answered by Ronin 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋