Sometimes i feel i may be overreacting, but correct me if i'm wrong. Why do i feel as if our relationship revolves around his son? He has a five year old and a sixteen year old daughter. He grew apart from his daughter because - to cut the long story short, he was young when they had her, they both (him/baby'smom) gave up custody to the bbymom's parents. So they grew apart. However, they're now trying to rebuild their relationship.But my major concern is, my fiance's almost obsession with his son. I love the kid - he's adorable, and i get on swell with him. But its just that the kid removed from the equation, my fiance changes and becomes disinterested in doing stuff together. I may be reading the signals wrong, but it seems scarry at times. Left alone just the two of us, he spends 95% of his time on his laptop, suggestions to do outdoor things or any other fun stuff is met with, i'm not feeling well or i'm too tired. He has slight sleep apnea, i understand but can't he at least try?
2007-05-11 02:04:58 · 8 answers · asked by wrkoutchick 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Hi, Just wanted to offer you my opinion on this subject.
I will start by asking you, if the situation were reversed--if you had a child at a young age, gave that child up, and then later had another child--what kind of parent would you be?
Tough question? I would think that being a young parent and making the decision to give up my baby would be even more difficult--possibly, one of the toughest decision's he had to make. He sounds like a wonderful father, and I will assume this is one of qualities you love about him. If you plan on making a life with this man-you will become a family, so be sure that you are prepared to take that on. It is not about you and him. It is about all that was and is in his life-including; Daughter and Son. You cannot "remove" them from the equation. It is a part of his life.
As for you and fiance', when you do get that time alone. Talk to him about what you would like to do together. Tell him that is what you want and need. If that doesn't work--then I really believe you have to make a decision "for yourself", is this the kind of life you want? It certainly won't change when/if you get married.
2007-05-11 02:55:09 · answer #1 · answered by Teri 0212 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you have said here, it sounds like he is trying to live his life through his son. As someone said above, you are not a priority in his life. It may be in your best interest to take some time away from him, hopefully you are not living together as that would make it more difficult. This is a situation that is not likely to change without professional help from a marriage and family counselor. Unless you want to live the next 16 or so years of your life miserable and feeling like a hired maid, don't marry him until he goes to counseling and confronts his problem, which obviously he doesn't feel is a problem. Be prepared for denial and the possibility of real anger at suggesting you are as important as his son and that you need to seek help for your relationship.
2007-05-11 02:31:12 · answer #2 · answered by Wiz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What came to my mind is he's using you to form his perfect little family. Everythings great when your playing mommy and he's playing daddy, but if he's not willing to spend time with you and have fun with you and only you then I'd be very worried as to where this relationship will be in five years. Don't settle. This kid is gonna grow up and then where is your relationship? Talk to him about your fears and let him know that your feeling unwanted when the kid isn't around. He'll either totally get it and be better, or try once or twice and then revert to his old ways. Then you have to decide what you want and are willing to live with. I can't say it enough, don't settle!
2007-05-11 02:47:53 · answer #3 · answered by Elysia W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are already married, LOL. Usually they try to pretend like they like doing fun stuff with you like going dancing or walking in the park, then when you get married they just work on their computer all the time. Then they are like, "Didn't I already go dancing with you once? Wasn't that enough?" I would be worried if he isn't even faking it....but at LEAST he tries to do fun stuff when the kid is around. That is actually very positive.
2007-05-11 02:13:34 · answer #4 · answered by greengo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as though what you want is not important to him. You should say something to him but dont bring up anything about his kids because it will seem like you are jealous of the kids. The only thing you can be certain of is that your relationship is not ready for the final step. It doesnt even sound to me like your communication is any good.
2007-05-11 03:10:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to try, but I wouldn't mention anything about his son having anything to do with it. Parents get mighty defensive when you bring kids into the equation.
Maybe book a weekend without telling him...going to a B&B or hiking or something...and then surprise him. He might not feel so inclined to bail on you if it's already paid for.
When people get in a rut, it's hard to get out, especially if they don't see they're in one.
Good luck!!!
2007-05-11 02:17:19 · answer #6 · answered by Froggy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt sound like you're a priority, ie his focus is elsewhere. You can either tolerate it or find someone else or at least give yourself some time apart from him and see how that works out.
2007-05-11 02:09:02 · answer #7 · answered by Kit Kat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I THINK HE HAS SOME REGRETS ON NOT BEING
INVOLVED WITH HIS DAUGHTER WHILE SHE
WAS GROWING UP. AND THAT IS PROBABLY WHY
HE SPENDS SO MUCH TIME WITH HIS SON. HE
NEEDS TO GET ALL THE TIME POSSIBLE. I
UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL LEFT OUT, BUT
THERE WILL BE A WAY FOR YOU TO FEEL
COMFORTABLE AND BACK TO NORMAL. THE
WAY THINGS WERE. YOU NEED TO BE SUPPO-
RTIVE OF HIM AND HIS REALATIONSHIP WITH
HIS SON. STAND BY HIS SIDE, HE WILL APPR-
ECIATE IT. IT WILL ALL WORK ITSELF OUT.......
2007-05-11 02:15:17 · answer #8 · answered by Rosemary M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋