2007-05-11 01:01:28 · 19 answers · asked by henika k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
just remember he/she didn't cheat on you because of anything you did or didn't do...........it was their choice, their lapse in judgement....you can either forgive him/her or not, it's a matter of choice....and depends on whether they are worth forgiving in your mind.....people that cheat do not always cheat....
2007-05-11 01:10:51 · answer #1 · answered by abc 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's very hard to forgive cheating. While you do need to find ot WHY he cheated, the most important thing is, will he do it again? If he is sorry and wants to keep his marriage it is up to him to rebuild your trust. The website: EzineArticles.com in "After-an-Affair---24-Hour-Accountability" says:
One of the first things an adulterer can do to assure his spouse that he is serious about making the marriage work is to be available 100% of the time to the injured spouse. This is by far the best way to start rebuilding the trust that has been destroyed in the marriage.
Twenty-four hour accountability is crucial to saving a marriage. The adulterer is working to rebuild trust and the injured spouse has to have access to the information so that she can see for herself that the adulterer is not falling into old traps.
2007-05-11 08:50:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wish someone in history would have found the answer already; a powerful answer to this most basic yet enduring question that seems to impact most all human beings at some point or another in life. There is no magic in it finding your way to the healing path. The path is made by walking, & begins with that small, yet courageous first step.
What process, tools, resources, etc. works for one person, most often will not work for another person. However, listening to how others have coped thru their pain, your senses will pick certain things out - could be anyting - so listen to that and follow it. For example, one friend took to running. Exercise strengthened her immune system, and more important her brain and emotional state. She gained perspective over time, and was able to process it much faster.
For me someone recommended a book called "After the Affair." I could not imagine that a book would be persuasive enough to pull me out of my suicidal fits. But, upon reading it -right away I began to understand why cheating happens.
I have been dealing with my circumstances for little over 3 years. The book was one of a few first action steps and each offered new tools for the journey.
Metaforically this is one way I retell my experience.... [perhaps it will help].
Imagine being naked on your path. Vulnerable, lost, cold, alone.
Your fear and pain may tell you to give up, quit, hide, or to start walking down the path. Regardless of what we feel, we must remember to do what we know is right. Like that "soul level kinda right." So you know you have to make the walk, and you step......
A few yards down the path, you find a tissue. It helps you to dry your tears. As you keep walking, you happen across a shade hat. It helps keep the sun off your scalp, and your face shaded so your eyes can see more clear the path......
Then a little further, you find a small bottle of water. While you exhaustedly drop to your knees, naked as you go you have just received a precious gift - a sign - that your movement is in the right direction; rehydrating yourself this life giving force gives you some new strength. It's a sobering strength. You keep walking. You will find many more things along the path. Hiking clothes, sun screen, something to nourish your flesh, socks and shoes for your blistered feet. Gradually, with the tools gaining in inventory, your journey becomes less vulnerable, rather, more profound and necessary......
A great part of this journey is when your brain's awareness peers back toward the horizon of your footprints, and see's where you desire to be ..... you realize in that moment the most progressive gift this process has to offer .... not just how far you've traveled - but how far YOU travel. You have undertaken the responsiblity of rescuing your heart and soul. There are few things that are greater than acquiring this kind of power. And once you get it, it's there for life. Never to be taken away. Never vulnerable again...... Never hurt again..... It gets easier, then harder, then the coaster of life takes off again....twisting up, dropping out.... The tools and or rituals you adopt become your own personal medicine bag - your self made potions enriched with the magic of self love, and the science of emotional and physical endurance.
God always gives us double for our trouble. Good luck.
2007-05-11 09:04:38 · answer #3 · answered by Enceladus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't forgive cheating. Unless or until the one that cheated does two things.
Firstly, they must acknowledge the pain they caused the other person, that they were responsible for their behavior, and that it up to them to restore the trust.
Secondly, they should give their partner whatever time the partner feels is necessary to rebuild the trust lost. Their behavior must be beyond reproach. And its up to the one that cheated to PROVE that they are worthy of a second chance.
And only time and proving their love will restore the trust. If they can't, or won't, give you that then you are holding on only to the memory of what once was, a shadow of the dream.
Then its time to let go.
2007-05-11 08:14:23 · answer #4 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is something that can never be undone. Once this act is committed and in the open, you have to make up your mind whether you can deal with the issue or it is better to move on. Only you know what you can handle. Think of your reasons for staying and leaving. If your reasons for staying out weighs your reasons for leaving, then stay and go to marriage counseling. If you decided that you can't handle it then leave, he opened Pandora's Box when he cheated not you. It is not up to you alone to make the marriage work, he need to do whatever is necessary to show you that he is willing to be dedicated and completely true to you and ONLY you! What ever choice you make I wish you well.
2007-05-11 08:18:54 · answer #5 · answered by Lil_MissVal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Anything can be forgiven but it has to be something you are willing to do and something he is willing to work toward.
Once the trust is broken it takes alot of hard work to rebuild it. It also takes alot of time. There is a great website/forum that you can go to to get feed back and support from other women in your situation www.facereality.com I spent alot of time there after my husband cheated, it really helped. Some are rebuilding their relationships and some have moved on. Look for posts from Lyn she has alot of good advice
2007-05-11 08:21:21 · answer #6 · answered by glbenner 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once the person you trusted betrays you,they no longer look the same to you and really they are no longer the same to you.Forgiveness isn't necessary because what's done is done and you may say you forgive,but you will never love them the same way.You are now facing a stranger beside you and every thing they say from now on will be suspect.I know already I would end the relationship because this person just isn't who I thought they are and I can't love a stranger.
2007-05-11 08:11:21 · answer #7 · answered by punkin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One never forgives cheating, move on with your life. Pick up what you have left, and build a new life for yourself..
Strength for you at this time.
2007-05-11 08:18:55 · answer #8 · answered by unity 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can forgive cheating. i know because i have forgiven cheating. my boyfriend that i was with for like two in half years decided he wasn't happy with me any more and he wanted something new. yeah you'll have a hard time at first but if that person really cares about you then they will swear on every thing that they love that they wont cheat on you again.if they dint then their not worth it,and you can move on. i promise.
2007-05-11 08:09:42 · answer #9 · answered by amber~nicole 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Considering everything that has to go down BEFORE the actual sex act, I say WALK AWAY....the cheater has plenty of time to say NO....but what do they do? They flirt, they suggest sex in some way, the other person agrees in some way, the two find a place to do the deed, they take thier clothes off, they kiss......and then from there.......
YES, the cheater has PLENTY of OPPORTUNITIES TO SAY NO!!!!
2007-05-11 08:57:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
cheating is tough especially when it happens to you. what you should ask yourself is WHY did they cheat? im sure it has taken time to get to this point. if you think the person is worth it and can forgive them then maybe you both together should get counseling and figure out what went wrong. if not, set them free.
2007-05-11 08:05:59 · answer #11 · answered by wee willie 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋