im married man but im in love to another woman,my lover dosnt like to keep it in secret,what shall i do?

Question

i been married for 3years, i have a pretty daughter has 2 y/o,before 7 months i met a womanon the internet and i loved her too much and i cant imagine my life without her, but at the same time i still love my wife also,what i suppose to do?

Answer 1

stop having an affair. if you really love your wife like you say you wouldnt be having an affair...

Answer 2

This is a serious situation and you could hurt alot of people if not handled properly.

Things to think about:
1. Why did you marry your wife? You made a Commitment to her and you have her trust.

2. When your daughter grows up and finds out that you have two women in your life... what will she do? Would she learn from you and might find two men in her life? :S

3. This woman you met on the Internet... are you sure you love her too much or its just lust. Can you imagine growing old with her? Can you imagine taking care of her if she is handicapped? What if she is not pretty anymore? Then what do you see in her?

4. How will this affect your reputation? Will your relatives accept this?

5. Having two or more wives (if that is your intention) is not an easy task. You must be fair and equal to both.

There MUST be a reason to get married or divorced. It is a long and tedious process.
1. You MUST ask permission from your first wife.
2. Your first wife must satisfy one or all of the following conditions
(i) She cannot give birth to your children
(ii) She refuses to take responsibility as a wife
(iii) She refuses or cannot satisfy you sexually

3. You MUST be able to support both.

This is something YOU must think about carefully.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Another woman in a married man life is a complicated problem to deal with immediately.

Either you tell your wife about it and she can accept your lover
or
Let the other woman go from your life as soon as possible! before she become 'a cancer' in your life.

Remember since you are married to your wife you are no longer a single who can do whatever you like. You have to be able to get rid of the mindset (though I know It's difficult but has to be done).

Now you are 2-in-1 whatever you do make sure it does not offend your wife. Just think this problem the opposite: would you like your wife to have a secret lover if you love her so much until death set both of you apart? Since you a good and a responsible husband would say No to such a question. I am sure that your wife don't want to be treated that way too.

Be wise...don't break your wife trust and destroy your own life.

Answer 4

Look, I'm no expert but, I believe that what quality women value most is honesty and true unconditional pure love. I think what you have to do is really think about what this internet woman means to you. I mean you say that you can't imagine life without her, but in what respect or context? Maybe you love her as a person, and not romatically? I don't know how you feel - nobody does except for YOU. If you really love LOVE her, then you should talk to her about it. If she doesn't feel the same, then I don't know. I don't think you want to say "Oh, well, the woman I love isn't interested in me, I'll settle for my wife." because that isn't fair to to your wife. If this internet woman feels the same way, I think that you should be honest with your wife. A lot of couples have stayed married because of kid(s) and that is usually a mistake as the couple is staying together under duress and that usually ends up with them still spliting up (albeit later) and then hating each other which ends up being harder on the kid(s). Even if the internet woman doesn't feel the same way, I think you should still be honest with your wife. If she really loves you and wants to stay with you then, maybe she will want to know what about the internet woman attratacts you so much and maybe you will end up with a stronger marriage. Maybe not. All relationships are different. You know your wife better than anyone here. I suggest you go with your gut instinct about what is right. I mean, you and your wife had to have had some commonalities or you wouldn't have gotten married in the first place. I still believe that honesty is the best policy. If you confess your attraction and your wife doesn't understand, then myabe you two weren't right for each other in the first place. Of course, this is just one drunk guys opinion and I could be wrong.

Answer 5

Is what this person you found on the internet's giving to you worth losing both your wife and your daughter? You better snap out of it, whatever this hold she has on you, and make things right with your wife while you still can. You say that "you can't imagine your life without her", Can you imagine your life without your wife & your daughter? You think your wife won't take your daughter when she divorces you for this?

You obviously loved your wife enough to marry her and exchange vows to her before God & everybody. You LOVE your wife, you're in-love with "the idea" of this other person. Do you seriously think this other woman wants a guy who cheats on his wife? She already knows she can't trust you, how does she know you won't do the same thing to her? You've already shown her you are not a man of your word.

Woman notice these things, you know, just because maybe you don't think anything of it, doesn't mean she hasn't. She obviously doesn't like keeping "secrets" from people, or she wouldn't have cared. Doesn't it make you wonder why it bothers her? Besides, what happen when things don't work out with her and then she turns against you too, now you lost them all AND your daughter.

Things in your life will only get worse until you confess what you've done to God and ask for forgiveness, God hates this kindof thing. Then you better get down on your knees and beg your wife's forgiveness while you still have a chance to repair it, and pray to God you can still work it out,because you can mark my words, the truth ALWAYS comes out, sooner, or later. It will ALL come out in the open, one way or another. If you don't do it, someone else will do it for you. "Be sure your sins will find you out"

Answer 6

First of all, you should have not started anything with the woman because you are a married man; it already tells everything. You are actually hurting your wife even if she does not know about it. You should have realized that it was wrong and stopped it earlier. Now you can do 2 things. Either forget the woman and stay with your family, or divorce your wife. If you can't live without your lover, it is better to divorce the wife, yes, it will be mean to her, but at least you will not be deceiving her, at least you will be honest. And the daughter does not have anything to do here. You can divorce and still be her father. But before doing it, think. Are you really doing the right thing? Do you really love her or you like playing around with women? And whatever you decide, please, do not lie to your wife, it will not be fair to her.

Answer 7

You didn't say if your ex has children with his present wife. Military is a great career but your story is very common in military or any lifestyle that takes spouses away for an extended period of time, plus there are many temptations and opportunities. Basically, the same thing happened to me, both guys were in the military, one went to war, broke our engagement night before he left, I was hurt and mad and married a guy who just came back from the war, (married for spite), then the first guy who I really loved came back from the war, I saw him the first night home, and I got pregnant while still married to the guy I didn't love. Two weeks before the due date, I decided to tell the man I loved, couldn't reach him so called his best buddy asking if he knew where I could reach him--he said, "Oh, did you know he's getting married next week?" Well, I decided not to mess up his life that he must love her or wouldn't be marrying her... WRONG!!! But it was 15 years later before I ever found that out... It's such a long story but it's not too late for you. DON'T WAIT TO TRY TO WORK THINGS OUT WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE AND YOUR CHILDS FATHER! By the way, the war I am referring to isn't Iraq or Desert Storm, it was Viet Nam. So, you are hearing this from someone who has plenty of life experiences, almost feel like an expert on some topics. But I have been right in your shoes. My daughter now has a wonderful relationship with her father and he has made such a difference in her life. I think because of my mistakes, he was always afraid I would hurt him again. So, just take my advice and follow your heart this time, you have a child together and I don't want you to have the regrets that I do...

Answer 8

Dude, you have to pick a life and live it. While there is obviously room in most peoples hearts to love more than one person, there is no room in your life for the dishonesty that is going on here. The dishonesty is the thing that will really come back to bite you. Obviously your wife is going to be hurt and upset if this comes out, but how much worse will it be for her if she finds out after this has been going on for years.
You have to make a choice and frankly the addition of your daughter to the equation should make the choice a pretty simple one. Having a child is a commitment, an enormous commitment, and the potential harm you could do to her life by going off with this other woman should really outweigh all other considerations. Additionally, you say you still love your wife, so it's not as if you have to choose between your child and the love of your life. Stay with your family and you get to have both. It is the best choice.

Answer 9

You don't "love" this other woman. You are likely addicted to the feelings you have when talking to her or are with her. It's new, fresh and like a honeymoon period. You need to understand that no matter how much you think it will...it will NOT last. Look at the statistics...very few elderly people sit around at family reunions and say..."If I wouldn't have cheated on my first wife with your Grandma none of us would be here today!" That's because cheating relationships don't last. Remember, you are not "in love" with this other woman. It may feel that way, but you are addicted. You need to break this addiction before you lose all that is important in your life. Breaking an addiction means just that...BREAKING it off...TOTALLY. It won't be easy and you may have some depression while withdrawing from the feeling that she gives you, but when you look back on it you'll be glad. No ones marriage is perfect or stays in that honeymoon period...but neither will the relationship with this other woman.

Answer 10

ok mr.ibrahim...we have a complex situation here. i know you might know better than me but your love for this woman u found on the internet might just be infatuation. A large percentage of people face this problem..Just remember, liking someone after your marriage is not unnatural..the brain doesn't suddenly shut down and stop liking people after marriage! But what you must remember is there are certain social norms and they aren't pointless either.Jumping from one woman to another is definitely not a solution. since you say you still love your wife, then there is absolutely no point in doing so..also think of all the music that your daughter will have to face....Just think over the whole thing again and you might see the matter in a different light. The way i look at it, leaving your wife, i'm afraid to say, is absolute foolishness.

Answer 11

Make a stand! Either you are a cheating husband that has betrayed a loving wife or your a cheating husband that has betrayed an indifferent wife! You are not a victim here chief! You are not part of the problem, You, are the problem! Start in either case by being honest with your wife, she at least deserves that! After that if you want to stay and she will still have have you then spend the next 10 years making it up to her. If she sends you packing, then go to your little squeeze on the side, when she dumps you then just suffer and realize you have just reaped what you have sowed!