My husband's friend is trying to sabotage my life and my husband still hangs out with him?

Question

First of all, let me say, I live in a really SMALL TOWN! We have one red light in the parish (which is like a county)! Anyway, with that said, it's way different than life in city and having friends!
When my husband and I first start dating his friends hated me, because they knew we were serious and they thought I was taking him away-as if! Anyway, at the time he traveled with work, they would always claim to see me out with another guy, even when I had been working all night! One of the friends is the worst of all and is now dating my best friend! He and I also work together, in different depts, but still together!
He has openly tried to hav eme fired, at the very least suspended by trying to claim I had not done my job correctly, even though there were recorded conversations and records proving I had done everything right, and these records CANNOT be changed, it's not possible! He actually tried to claim that I had managed to change them, I'm just not that good!

He tries at least once a month or so to say things that aren't true to get me fired! He has called in on recorded lines, and admitted that he was going to do his best to "F" up my life because he didn't like me!
Then, my best friend was in a TERRIBLE car accident and he never called me, but told her and her mom that he had! Several people asked if he wanted them to call me and he said no, he already had! Then she was upset with me because I never showed up and never called, and of course, he told her he didn't know what I was talking about because he had told me about it himself!

When I go places and he is there with my bet friend, he will leave within 5 minutes of my driving up, and never even acknowledge my presence! Which is almost a blessing because I can't stand him!
He makes up stories still about me going out with phantom people when my husband is not with me. He talks about me at work, and to all of our other friends and tells random false statements about me!
My problem is, my husband keeps doing things with him!
They went fishing yesterday together! He knows how I feel about the friend, but still goes! I take the treatment from his friend personally and it does hurt me no matter how hard I try not to let it!

Everytime my husband goes anywhere with him, stories begin to circulate that he cheated on me or I cheated on him while we were apart! But yet, he still goes out and does things with him! It's not like my husband doesn't hav other friends to do things with, he has plenty! But he still does with the one who openly disrespects me to anyone who will listen! And then when I get upset with my husband he tells me I have no reason to be upset!
I feel like I do have every reason! If someone were treating my husband that way, I'd leave, and have done so in the past! Someone walked in and I walked out! I don't want to be around people who would treat my spouse that way! To me it shows no respect to either of us!
And by my husband doing things with him still and having not stood up to him ever, it's like my husband is saying it's ok for him to treat his wife that way! and that he doesn't mind!
Am I insane to feel this way? What can I do? Why doesn't he think it's wrong to do this?

---Anytime It alk to him about it, he tells me I'm stupid for being upset about it! And that he is one of his friends and I can't make him choose between me and his friends! I don't want to make him choose, I want him to know that it hurts me when he goes with him, and that it hurts me that he doesn't think it's wrong!

----I take offense to the age thing! It has nothing to do with age, which by the way, we are 26 and 25. I have graduated college and am well educated! I am not some little child who has never seen the world, BUT I love my husband and I vowed to love him good or bad, and I'm wondering what others think! Respectfully think that is!
And there is no option to move! My husband would never go for it! I have asked and begged previously, it's just not going to happen!
---Also, as for getting him fired, he is the Sheriff's nephew ( I work for a Sheriff's Office doing PR, Communications, etc!). Everyone's response is, "That's just how --- is! You should get over it!" There's no chance at him being fired over it!

---To answer the question! The reason his friends didn't care for me in the beginning is because as I said it's a small town with shallow people! I came in and married one of the "Names" of the town and it rarely happens like that! They generally stay within locals and not outsiders! So I was an outsider when I started dating him! I was always nice, I always cooked for them and everything! All of the other friends have come around except for the one who is trying to make my life h*ll!
And as for my best friend, she is prone to dating guys who treat her badly! Her mom always did, and she always has also! We have tried to make her see it, but she won't! If I didn't know better I'd think she enjoyed being treated like cr*p! And she just believes anything he says- no questions!

Answer 1

To be blunt and not to be mean in anyway...it is just after reading your post..I kept thinking that husbands friend actions sounds more like the actions of a scorned lover and not just a friend who is upset that their friend got married to a person they didn't like.....could this man...be in love with your husband?...this is not an uncommon or an unheard of occurrence ..especially in small towns where homosexuality is not as open or accepted ... your husbands reaction..or non-reaction to this man's attitude and actions toward you...isn't normal either ..... there is to much manipulation,animosity, and effort on your husband's friends part to discredit you..to be just a normal dislike.....your husbands acceptance of this mans treatment toward you is definitely an odd reaction by a husband.... I think you really need to have a talk with your husband and see if there isn't something more going on than this man just disliking you.....and you need to find out why your husband would still want to be friends with a person that would do you harm......and harming you is what this friend is doing....don't let this go on... life is to short to allow someone to treat you badly..and your husband should be putting your feelings and wellbeing above all others ..that is what a husband is suppose to do.... he should also be protective of you...and your husband is not doing any of these things......you really need to find out why......

I am sorry this is happening to you....I wish you the best of luck.........

Answer 2

Wow! That is a lot! Short and simple, a husband or wife should not hang out with someone who can not respect the person they vowed to honor and respect and say i do too for the rest of there life.


This would just be wrong. It is violation of the respect of the other. I mean, if the friend is a true friend, they would just sit back and watch the marriage unfold, after speaking there peace once ( like, there dislikes about the whole relationship ) or when the husband or wife complains about the spouse. Otherwise, the friend should get a life of there own and focus on appreciating the friendship for what it is.....NOTHING more.

Answer 3

You could expecially if you have this stuff on record press charges on him for harrasment and slander. I don't know what is wrong with your husband good lord every man I ever dated or married would and killed some one for disrespecting me. I live in a small town--no red light. But there was this one guy and now he is my boss and he told my x I cheated on him and he beat the s hit out of me and I didn't I was at home with in 10 minutes after work and with him when I wasnt working. Now that he is my boss he is trying the same as this guy the only thing is his boss knows I am a hard worker and I have never had any problems with any other supervisor so it helps but trust me I am watching him and when he screws up I will be there and I CANT WAIT!!!

Answer 4

One theme has permeated your question and that is that this is a very small town.
So keep that in mind when asking your husband to dump his friend.
Being a local boy, he probably knows that all this stuff will work itself out eventually. Without his help or participation. He is not helping his friend to eff you up. He's just not getting into a fight with him about it. Sure, people will jump to their feet and say he has to defend his wife but you may not need active defending - and few people live in that small a town.
You are doing everything right, in my opinion, and as irritating as this guy is, he still has a formidable foe in you. You are operating from a very very good position and you should keep to it.
1. You have a pretty good marriage despite this.
2. You have a best friend who has stayed your best friend thoughout this. She may pick the wrong boyfriends but she's not stupid. She knows at some level how hard this guy is working to be your nemesis. She just tried to work around it and so should you.
3. You're not cheating on your husband so all the hints about that have led nowhere.
4. As long as you refuse to be defeated by these attempts, this guy will stew about it and keep trying - until he is caught red-handed lying or trying to set you up.
5. He's a friend and an 'insider' so don't even think about trying to 'take him on' in this conflict. Don't let yourself be provoked. Simply explain and be truthful.
A very good thing may come out of your best friend's relationhip with this guy. Be a good friend to her and she will think twice about listening without comment to him bad-mouthing you. Yes, she may have bad judgement in men but she's not from another planet. She's aware, too. Don't try to make her choose, or make your husband choose. Try to operate from a position of strength fortified with confidence that you are a good wife and a good worker.

Answer 5

Look people What she is saying that it is the sherriff's nephew. This town isn't going to believe it and neither will the judge. She will have to take it to somebody like judge hatchet on tv. to get anything done. These small towns run it there way not the way the law should. Fot that stupid *** hubby. You need to make him choose. If he choses his friend then you know that he never loved you. Tell him that his friend is not welcome at your house. You live there to and you can put a stop to him coming to your house. The parrish that you live in is stupid. The state is La. And I know because I lived there for several years almost 18 years. Hubby and I were going to raise our daughters there and got the hell out of there. We didn't want our daughters brought up in that place. I have cousins that work for the sherriffs office and state troopers. So I know where you are coming from. Everyone kisses the sherriffs------!!!! If it were me I would move to another parrish and tell hubby to go with me or kiss my butt bye and hope that his friends can keep him warm at night. My hubby would kick someones butt if they did me that way after i finished with them. Good Luck.

Answer 6

I feel sorry for you that you have to deal with this problem.

First, I suggest moving to a larger city.

If that is not possible.

You may have to consider talking seriously with your husband about telling his friend to quit this or you will leave. Your husband should stand up for you. If he has empathy he should know that this is very awful for you to live with daily.

If he won't do anything. I would seriously consider divorcing your husband. You control your own destiny. Move somewhere where you can be happy.

Also, I'm sure that your best friend is being completely used by this guy. And, I think this guy needs help.

Answer 7

first of all i think that the reasonyour husband is not listening to you is because (judging by your words) you nag a lot.. (no offense)... just do this ... "honey it would be great if ever ....." or "i love it whenever....".... or "it turns me on when you.." that way it makes him feel good when he does something for you and add something like "too bad your friend was a meanie to me today... i was thinking of you all the time but......" ...act seductive... and put a lot of sweetness in your words (that's how my mom gets what she wants from my dad..) anyway just ignore anything and everything your husband's friend is talking about.... .. . .. . .. . or if you want confront him (together with your friend so it won't turn ugly) andtalk to him... face it your husband is ging to be friends with him for a long long time.... you should learn to deal and live with it... .... ... ... and besides you could always explain to his friend that you will never try to take him away from them ... and explain to him that you love him too much to let him go... ... . he'll eventually give up if you act like it doesn't bother you at all..... .....switch to another job in that way you won't get into a lot of trouble........ anyway good luck on that it's hard but i'm sure you can over come it!!! .. :)

Answer 8

Wow. To make a long story short, you need to sit down and have a talk with both your husband and his best friends that's screwing with your personal life. Get everything out in the open, and be prepared for the lies your husband's friend might throw at you. Just be honest and get your feelings out. If things persist... Well, definitely confront your hubby about this situation and let him know how pissed you're getting. That's all I can say.

Answer 9

My advice is this... long as he's not battling you inflicting you actual harm then in case you could stick it out till you acquire that degree because of the fact cases is hard those days and in case you p.c.. and run you're snatching your son remote from a existence he's accustomed and with your subject with having no activity and money which will take a toll on him appreciably you do no longer desire to ought to be under pressure approximately feeding and offering shield to your toddler. Now so a techniques as you're taking some time out whether you need to sit down down in a bathing room and say some variety issues in your self like "I deserve the wonderful" if your non secular "Lord Jesus supply me the potential" Or "Jesus convey me Happiness" . in basic terms little issues which will motivate you to stay reliable believe me this works because of the fact a controlling guy beats down your self-well worth so undesirable you lose your self in the approach you dont comprehend what you like all extra you experience much less captivating and not needed by potential of others thats why u ought to paintings better no longer ordinary to construct your self-well worth and self belief.

Answer 10

Straight up! Your husband either needs to ditch this friend of his or you need to find a new husband! This guy will eventually come between you and your husband anyway. That is unless you give your husband the opportunity to choose you.... or his "buddy" to be in his life until death do you part! That is just the way it is! Hope all works out for the beat!!!