Trying to Conceive after a miscarriage.......?

Question

I just had a miscarriage in February and went through it naturally. Very painful. We had been trying for six months before I got pregnant. We got pregnant with Ally on the first try. I was fustrated enough that it took six months to get pregnant and when I miscarried it felt like the world just fell apart. Friends tried to cheer me up and give me my space too, my mom just told me I was young and could try again, and Michael (my fiance) wasn't much support, I spent many nights crying myself to sleep. At least I felt like he was not much support, I was told that was HIS way of greiving. It felt more like he was blaming me but he said he didn't. All the rest were normal reactions or so I was told.

Now it is two months later and medically it is okay for me to pregnant again and Michael is wanting to start trying. But I am torn in two, I really do want another baby and I want Ally to have a little brother or sister to grow up with, kinda like I did. Well I more raised my sister, but that

is not the point. But the other part of me is too scared, I am still hurting (emotionally) from the miscarriage and I don't want that disappointment again and to go through the loss again. I know the chances of a miscarriage is 1 out of every 5 and MANY women have had a miscarriage and gone on to successful pregnancies, but it doesn't help how I feel. The risk was always there, but it may sound weird, going THROUGH a miscarriage makes it more REAL then KNOWING the risk is there.

I don't know what to do. I can't let fear rule me. I have tried to talk to Michael about this, but I don't get an answer.

Any advice you can offer that might help?????

Answer 1

I can relate. I had a miscarriage in September and it was the most emotionally painful thing I've experienced. I was scared to get pregnant again not wanting to go through that awful thing again. Today, I am 4 months pregnant and so far so good. However, everytime I go to the restroom I check myself and every little thing I feel in regards to my body I become fearful. Whenever your ready to try again, try. If you become pregnant try to relax (even though you will worry it's part of what you went through), get plenty of rest, and like my doc said "Enjoy being pregnant". Good Luck!

Answer 2

The other ladies are right... give yourself time. You need to wait until you are ready. And, even when you are ready, you will spend those first weeks scared and worried, no matter how hard you try. I only truly enjoyed the last 3 months with my 2 full term pregnancies. The first six were just living day to day, waiting for the bomb to drop.

And, yes, men do grieve differently. I felt with both losses that my hubby really could have cared less. He just kept plugging along like nothing had happened and kept asking why I was always crying. 10 years later, and 2 healthy babies later, he was scheduled for a vas. That was when he lost it! Go figure!! He had kept his grief in the whole time and if finally came out the night before his appt.

There are some wonderful groups and some great info out there. Some of the best for helping my hubby understand came from a group called Resolve through Sharing. You should be able to get info from your Ob. It eventually helped him understand what I was going through.

good luck and lots of hugs!

Answer 3

Only you can decide when you feel you are emotionally ready for another pregnancy. Sounds like you need to work on communicating with your fiance more and coming to a point where you feel good about sharing your feelings with one another. I lost a baby in 2003 which was my 1st pregnancy at the time and it was very hard both physically and emotionally. Then it took me a year and 5 months of trying to get pregnant again and I had a very healthy pregnancy and gave birth to a 8 pound one ounce baby boy in 2005. Now I'm currently 15 weeks pregnant and due on Halloween and have had no signs of anything bad happening. Yes the fear is there but you got to sort of accept that is how things were meant to happen. God has a plan and when its the right time for you to try again he will let you know. Good luck!!

Answer 4

I don't know how to help you with the fear, but I can tell you that your experience is common. I've read that statistically, if a woman has 2 children, it's likely she's had at least 1 miscarriage.

My doctor told me he generally sees miscarriages about 20% of the time and usually the next pregnancy is fine.

From my own experience, I was not young. I had a healthy baby at 37, a miscarriage at 40, and another healthy baby just before turning 42. The miscarriage was devastating to my husband. He considers that the worst day of his life.

Give yourself time and ask your doctor to recommend a genetic counsellor who can give you a better idea of what your situation might be.

Answer 5

I understand how you feel. I had a m/c on April 9th and the thought of losing another is very scary. My advice is give yourself time until you are emotionally ready. Because when you get that next positive, everytime you go to the bathroom you will be scared. As for your fiance, men grief different from women. My husband felt like he has to be my support so he never got emotional in front of me. But that is just how he is. Everyone deals with it different, and of course you are going to be more emotional because it was part of you. Good luck and I am so sorry for your loss.

Answer 6

Women can suffer from post-partum depression after a miscarrage, if you are having alot of emotional problems you may want to talk to a counselor or try anti-depressants. Don't give up on having a baby, I had a miscarrage in 2005 and I am expecting again and all is well. Almost every woman will have a miscarage in her life, unfortunatly its natural. Good luck

Answer 7

I got pregnant 2 weeks after miscarriage. My 11 yearold son is healthy and proof u can carry a healthy full term baby after losing one. Good luck!!

Answer 8

maybe the best thing you could do is sit down with him and both of you guys talk about what happen and how you both feel...maybe then once you've talked about it you can feel strong enough(emotionally) to start trying again without fear...sending baby dust and everythings gonna be ok..just stay positive good luck sweetie!

Answer 9

i had a miscarriage in march. it hurts so much cos you want it so much. i blamed myself for looseing the baby and spent many nights crying. but im now trying for another baby. i wish you all the luck in the world sweetheart.