Mom is cheating on Dad with his friend!!! What do i do?

Question

Hi! Im from 19 and from HAWAII. I am in a very difficult situation right now and i feel like im stuck in the middle of my parents problems! Well, my dad cheated on my mom a while ago when i was about 11 years old, and my mom found out from a friend of hers that knew, they seperated for a couple months, then worked things out and have been happy for as long as i can remember. Then about 6 months ago my mom told me that she is seeing my dad's really good friend. My mom and I are really close, so she tells me everything. My dad and I arent as close, but i love him to death. My mom has been talking to my dads friend all the time on the phone and they see eachother all the time, and i also found out they had sex, although i am not sure how many times, but ONCE is bad ENOUGH! i just dont know what to do, everyone is telling me that the right thing to do is to tell my dad because he deserves to know. Is everyone right? Im so scared, i dont want my mom to be mad at me!! What should i do???

Answer 1

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I think you should tell your dad. I know it's difficult but the truth is always better! Just find some special way to do it, try not hurt him in some way if possible.
If you want, add me on yahoo messenger and we can talk some more.
good luck!

Answer 2

I am so sorry to hear the position you have been put into. I understand you and your Mom are close but it was not right for her to dump her guilt on you. No matter what, this situation is going to end ugly and everyone will be hurt. #1 I would let your Mom know how unfair it was for her to involve you in her dishonesty and let her know how it makes you feel. I would distance myself from Mom until she ends the affair or comes clean with your Father. I would not tell your Father but I would let him know that you and your Mother are having problems. If you are close to your Mother she will care about your feelings and how this is affecting your relationship and make a decision.

Answer 3

Your parents have no right dumping their indescrepancies on you. A parent is a parent, not a buddy. This is affecting you emotionally. The next time one of your parents try to talk to you, kindly and gently tell them you sympathize, but you would rather not get involved. A parent should never tell their child "everything", no matter how old the child is. There are some things about our parents we just should not know. Have a talk with them soon, and tell them you love them, but you don't feel it is fair to either of them for you to be in their business. It is cruel and will only make you feel like you have to choose between them in the end. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

You don't want to get involved at ALL in this and it was really not right for your mom to let you in on her little secret ...it is TOO much for you to deal with or ANY child who has a parent who is cheating on another parent...... Thing is, emotional blackmail isn't right either---you can't tell her that if she doesn't tell YOU WILL....that still puts you smack dab in the middle and if they should break UP over this, WHICH IS A POSSIBILITY, then you might blame yourself FOREVER for telling your dad...either way here you lose unless you say NOTHING... BUT, I agree you should let your mom know that you feel she should come clean with your dad....... this "FRIEND" of your father's isn't much of a friend if he is messing around with your dads' wife .....and, if he's doing that with YOUR MOM, he will probably do it with another women if he ends UP with your mom..... You have a right to let your mom know that you do NOT like what she is doing... and you have the right to express it to her, but if you TELL your dad ANYTHING, I'm afraid that YOU will be the one who will always feel guilty if your parents split up over this current affair...

Answer 5

Sorry you are in the middle of what you should never have been put in...under NO circumstances should you tell anyone about this....NOT ANYONE! Your father may already know, and if he found out you knew, he wouldhave to take some kind of action. He may not know, and if not, he may never know....stay out of this entirely, I am seriously older than you, and I am telling you this is NOT YOUR BUSINESS...you should never have known about it. I have no idea what your mother thinks she is doing by telling you, but she has done you a great disservice. Mind your own business, let them take care of theirs...PLEASE do not say anything about this to anyone..you have already said too much in confiding in friends who have no idea what the word "secret' means...soon enough, it will be all over your neighborhood, all the parents will know about it, and eventually, your father will find out now...keep your mouth shut!~ Good luck. And, if I were you, I would go back to anyone you had told and tell them that you misunderstood what your mother said..that you know nothing. IF your mother finds out you have said anything, she will NEVER confide in you again, and she certainly should not have confided this information in the first place. CONFIDED means just that ..... you tell NO ONE ELSE!

Answer 6

Let your mom know that you will no longer listen to her fantasies. And stick to your word. You do NOT need to be concerned about your mother being mad at you. What IS a matter of concern is the ability to respect her. And I would find that extremely difficult. I'm sorry to say, she's not a giving you a very good moral example. Are you familiar with the ole saying....Do as I SAY....Not as I DO?
I dont mean to offend you, but as a mother, her actions give you no moralistic example.

Answer 7

That's really rotten of her. Give her 48 hrs. to come clean, or you will be talking to your Dad.

If there would be a reason you'd fear some physical outburst from any of the parties, then I'd suggest you seek a free counselor that could counsel you and your mom about this and how to handle it, bc you sure don't want anyone getting hurt.

Answer 8

First of all, if you are close to your mum.. Tell her that what she did is WRONG.. and worse of ALL... she did it with your father's friend. That makes the MAN very unreliable and untrust worthy person. He can screw your dad with your mum.. then I think he just want to play around with your mum. Tell your mum, this is NOT worth the risk to take.. Your dad will be very angry felt cheated both both your mum and his friend.
What will happen is that, your dad will divorce your mum, and don't expect that your mum will leave ever after with the man. As the man is not worthy of trust as he has demonstrated. What make your mum so sure that he will be true to her for the rest of his life.

What if after 6mths, he walk off, your mum will be left with broken family and alone without anyone to support her.
Is this what she want for her lifr? Let alone that she will also hurt you as well knowing that se betrayed your dad.

take care..

Answer 9

I wouldn't tell your dad if I were you. I'd let your mom handle it. However, I'd talk to your mom very seriously and I'd tell her that her affair personally offends you because you love your dad. Tell her she knows better than that - cheating hurts like hell. She needs to end the affair. If she's not happy as a woman it is better to seak councelling than get into affairs. You can give her an ultimatum - either he handles it herself or you will do it. Give her a timeframe like 2 weeks.

Answer 10

The RIGHT thing, and the smart thing to do is to stay out of it. Don't tell Dad. Ask Mom to not tell you anything more.