Lord help me.......I am trying to figure this man out but I am at my wits end!?

Question

So I have asked alot of questions lately regarding a man I have been seeing who lives 90 min. away. Long story short, I think he is afraid of having a relationship and the last time we spent the weekend together, I referred to us as 'just screwing' or FWB and he seemed offended.

I am a single mother of 4 and he has no kids - our lives are very different. I was in his town last weekend and he called and we talked but he never came to see me. I just figured I would write him off but then he txt as soon as I was home trying to make sure I arrived ok. Had I seen him, I was prepared to tell him that I had lied when I told him that all he meant to me was sex ( was insecure and trying to protect myself so I didn't admit to having more feelings.) I txt him yesterday saying I had hoped I would see him so we could talk and asked him to give me a call.....I have heard nothing. Not sure if I freaked him out and he is avoiding it or what..our mutual friend says he is crazy about me but imature

Did you not see the part where I admitted I made a mistake - hello? That's why I was trying to figure out what to do to fix it....... I can only guess that everyone comes here to tear everyone a new a.s.shole because they are castrated in their own relationships - fu*k!!!

Answer 1

Whoa, honey. Not everyone comes to tear people down.

I don't answer many of these but you appear to have lost something here.

Guys who are neat guys, looking for a spouse/partner/permanent relationship, above all else look for stability.. By telling this man that you had concluded your relationship was one of just screwing, whatever he had in mind, you bashed big time... Those are the kinds of words that immediately tell a guy that he is just a boy toy, and so he has backed off, and probably permanently.

You did not say how long you had been dating, or screwing, which ever you feel defines your relationship, but if he was not afraid of a relationship with you before, he most certainly is now. You come with baggage in the form of 4 children by another man.... whether you wish to admit that or not. (It is not natural for a man to wish to raise another man's offspring, so if he takes you on, he gets them too.) And with this type of outburst, he is seeing instability... not a good thing. And to then later have told him if you were to have seen him,that you had lied about what you thought your relationship was wouldn't have helped.... Probably good you didn't see him.

You are correct: Your lives are indeed very different.

And he may have indeed liked you, but probably not what you do, and what comes with you.... a ready made family for a man who has never parented, and a woman who, in his eyes isn't really "together".
What is going through his mind? He has probably concluded that what you said originally defines your relationship, what there is now of it, and he himself has undoubtedly drawn a line through your name. He may indeed be immature, but his radar is up as far as avoiding instability, or at least what appears to be instability.

Why did he texted you? Out of kindness to be sure you did get home ... You'll know if he wishes to see you again if he contacts you again.

Answer 2

I sort of have to agree with the hippy response.

Your FWB really is just a friend with benefits and you wish there was something more but there isn't.

He worries about you a bit, perhaps like a friend, but he isn't really romantically interested. If you come in his town and he doesn't go WAY out of his way to see you...means that he isn't that into you.

He may be seeing other people. Shoot he may have another life you don't know.

Don't believe a mutual friend. He or she is just being nice and probably doesn't know. Why exactly would you want to be with a guy that is "immature" anyway.

I know that it is hard to find a man with 4 kids. But why settle for this? Find a man that is mature, perhaps with kids too so that he can possibly understand. You need love too and to settle for this kind of crap is ridiculous. He is just stringing you along with minimal attention and you are actually appreciating it. Come on...you need a real man.

You want a response...? Stop seeing him. If he just wants an occasional booty call then he won't even notice. But if he perchance has an ounce of feeling, he will call and ask why.

Either way, do not be fooled. This man doesn't really care. He is using you for his means ...

Answer 3

First thing's first, get a restraining order. Why? He's hostile & mentally unstable (and anything else, if he's putting you in fear of anything, etc.). That will get him to back off. He cannot take your kids - if he does, it's kidknapping. The restraining order will keep the kids under your custody. Your next decision is whether or not you want him near the kids for visits (he has the right to if he pays support). For me, it wasn't worth it. My ex can keep his money - the daughter we had together is so far better off without him. So, you do need to get to court ASAP. Once this is all done, you can relax a bit with family & your babies. It's a good idea to lean on them now, too -especially now when you're trying to finish school. That's what family's for. It's clear you have tried. Take care & good luck.

Answer 4

No luck huh. Remember no more of this "just se*" and "FWB" will ya. Major turn off. Instead of txt'ing why not call; its more personal and you can hear his reaction. Don't push things. He's going to have to decide whether he wants you. Remember no more regrets about spilling the beans. Just do it the next time and be done with it. Next time you get him on the phone just tell him. He sounds like he needs to be spoon fed that you like him. I don't know if he's avoiding you or not. Why not call and ask? Call just once. Don't hound him and make him think you're easy...whoops...that right you've already said he can have benifits. Oh well, just call him once anyway and let him be a man and call you back.

Answer 5

Start right now being totally honest with this guy. Tell him why you made that comment. Then tell him how you feel about him and ask him how he feels. You can't go wrong with communication and you can't go wrong with truth. You two need to sit down and have a long talk. The sooner the better. Good luck to you both.

Answer 6

I think the time has come to face reality...the man is not as interested in you as you are him. Stop texting and chasing. Get on with your life. If he had intentions, he would have made them more than clear. He has not. The world if full of single men, so go out and find another one...this one has said, in no uncertain terms, he isn't that interested. Good luck

Answer 7

It clear as day. The guy is single with no kids and probably very eligible. He has to think very hard to have a relationship with a mother of 4.

Answer 8

When a man is into a woman, he is sensitive and it sounds like you hurt his feelings. It is hard to let yourself care sometimes. He was letting himself care and you shot him down by calling him your sex buddy. He probably does not want a woman that would refer to him that way or want a 'sex buddy'. He probably feels embarrassed and stupid for having feelings for you when you acted like you did not have them for him.

Give him time, then talk about it. Don't make the same mistake again. Be more sensitive to him. Men have feelings too.

Answer 9

Perhaps if you both stop with the games already, it may not be difficult at all. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. And expect the same from him. If that's not possible than you really dont have much to work with, now do you?

Answer 10

Just goes to show that your URGE to BREED will get the best of you every time. Even if you think you're just screwing witn no strings attached, a woman will get clingy and send mixed singnals.

Very typical.