I love the woman to death but as in any relationship it has it's problems. The most diffulcult thing is raising a kid who is spoiled beyond belief and does not know how to work for anything much less get off the couch for a drink of water, the mother makes tons of empty threats and well you guessed it I have no ******* say in the disicpline. which ******* baffels me. I am now serious thinking about my future do i want this woman and her kid in it. so i guess what im asking how do i make the decision to leave? and if i dont what am I facing? I also want my own child to raise my way NOT HER WAY. I am sick of the other man in the child's life the father. I just want my own none strechmarked out woman whom i dont have to think about has already been scarred from another man. Any advice?
2007-05-09 14:54:40 · 14 answers · asked by coolbreeze 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First of all, you say you Love her to Death, then at the end you say that you want someone that is not stretch marked from another Man. Why did it take you so long in deciding that you did not want to be a part of her life. If as you say you dated her for five years, and you knew that she had a son, with another man, then,when you saw that the child was headstrong and his Mother could not control his habits is when you decided to flee from her side. What you want really, is the woman without the child, and since you saw that he was part of the bargain is when you decided to leave. The child is not at fault here, it's the Mother that does not want to bother in how to discipline her Son, Maybe she has the child because of the Child support his Father gives to the child. So, my advice to you is to get out of the picture, you will be doing the Kid a favor, because Stepfather's like you are a dime a dozen.
2007-05-09 15:35:58 · answer #1 · answered by a.vasquez7413@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this really the way you want to live your life? Is the situation going to improve in the next year, in five years, 10 years? I doubt that your honest answer to the two questions would be yes. If your style of child-rearing is miles apart from hers then what do you think will happen if you have a child together? It will probably be just one continuous battle between you and her over things like "Should little Johnny eat his peas with a fork or a spoon?" "Should little Johnny play tee-ball or take ballet lessons?" Ridiculous examples? No, because that's what it will evolve into - a fight over every parental decision as each of you fights to be the "A" parent. You say you don't like having the father of your girlfriend's son around - well, guess what - the kid's father is going to be around for a long time, and he has every right to be involved in HIS son's life. The kid has obviously been spoiled because neither the mother or the father wants to be the bad parent who says no. And they both probably over-compensate because of the guilt they feel over splitting up their family. You may love her to death and she may love you but she appears to love her son more. I think that everyone that answers your question is going to tell you to move on to someone more compatible. You know the right answer in your heart and it is hard to admit it and move on. Do her and yourself a favor and move on now. And, I think you need to examine your attitude about women. Saying you want your "own.non-stretchmarked woman...who hasn't already been scarred by another man" is bothersome to me. Are you looking for love or a new pair of shoes?
2007-05-09 23:04:17 · answer #2 · answered by cwomo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hahahahahahaha! What do you look like? If you got with her, it's obvious that the stretch marks didn't bother you then. I think you jumped into a relationship before you really investigated the other personality and their habits. But most guys want to eat the dough before it's cooked. (i.e. they want sex now or there's something wrong with the relationship) Most modern guys tend to think that you have to rush into living together, that you can't take time doing a variety of activities and really studying and observing the other person. I say you should just start emptying each room of the house of ONLY your belongings and putting them in storage. Then, tell her what you just told all of us and walk out the door. You are in here looking for courage/permission or something like that. You already know what you want to do. I bet she can feel it too and you two aren't getting along the best in certain areas of daily life. And I bet she sees the scars of your past relationships, even though those kind are invisible. We women are good at reading between the lines. I wonder what she would tell us about her side of things should she be inclined to come in here.
2007-05-09 22:06:23 · answer #3 · answered by ioannacardish 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are not happy we'll then you do answer your question then. That woman who you just quote a stretchmarked out woman is been with you for 5years but it seems you dont respect her by saying that. No love and respect is a hell. Move away from them and find a better woman that you are expecting that you could love and respect have your own child which you will love and descipline, but im telling you know parenting is not just a one desciplinarian father because a mother will always have a say to it too its a two way ticket to ride.
2007-05-09 22:11:23 · answer #4 · answered by chill25 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So you have a child with her also? If you leave you will lose control of your kid and who knows who she will shack up with next. I don't know your situation but you need to put your foot down and enforce some discipline or put your foot up her butt on her way out. You need to get her alone and talk about it. You don't want your kid raised the way she is raising hers and that is final. Try and put the message across without attacking her. Don't make it her failure make it "your willing to help" . As long as you are with her the childs father will be there too. Unless he poses a threat ( drugs, violence) he has rights to be in the childs life. If you don't have a child with her yet.... BAIL NOW!
2007-05-09 22:09:22 · answer #5 · answered by dave k 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, then...you said it. You don't want that woman, so get out of the relationship. If you can't agree upon how to raise a child, then walk away. It sounds to me you have a little resentment toward your step-son, your gf, and her ex. You are definitely fighting a losing battle if you think that the ex is going to step out of the picture. I am married to a man who has a daughter from his previous marriage. I stay out of the raising part...that is the parents' responsibility as far as I am concerned. We have two beautiful children together, and we don't always see eye-to-eye on certain things, but we work together to resolve issues regarding OUR kids together.
If you try to put your two cents in about raising your step-child, all you are going to do is cause more turmoil. If you don't think her parenting skills are adequate, then you need to move on...get out of the relationship, especially since you have a problem with her stretch marks!
2007-05-09 22:05:46 · answer #6 · answered by futureteacher0613 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hell, easier said than done. But I would leave. Too many influences here. You'd come out looking like the bad man if you were to discipline this child and he/she would probably not even listen to you. Or worse still.....call the dad in to remind you of who's the daddy!
Walk away my friend - walk away.
2007-05-09 22:05:59 · answer #7 · answered by cheeky_beth_62 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is called "a ready family". Why should you get involved with raising a kid that is not yours? come on, you can get a single woman, who will love you the same and no added obligation(kid)),you got no future here, better leave, and never turn your head....run....
2007-05-09 22:03:43 · answer #8 · answered by emma l 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This relationship will only bring you heartache. You want
YOUR OWN woman and not someone elses woman. You
want YOUR OWN child instead of someone elses. I'm
assuming her kid is at least a teenager--BIG PROBLEMS.
If it hasn't changed in 5 years, it never will. She either gets
that kid straigntened out or her life is reuined also.
2007-05-09 22:04:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
wow...... sounds like my ex. i mean realy sounds like her. lol the only thing i can tell you is run. run realy fast. she will not change. things will be this way for as long as yall are togeather. so go find somebody that will be able to take care of them selves. and make you happy.
but sounds like my situation......and i ran. now i got a new girl. could not be happyer. and by the way your talking you already made your mind up.....sounds like you wanna run. so the real question is how do you break it off so you can be happy?
2007-05-09 22:05:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋