Mid life crisis?

Question

I have been married for 27 years. My husband has hit the dreaded "mid-life" crisis. He is a mess. Confused about staying or going, his life in general, his choices, etc. Any guys out there know how long this goes on and the best way to help him through it?

Answer 1

It usually lasts a couple of years, and the only way to help him is just to love him.

Answer 2

As a woman, my experience with Mid Life crisis is a little different. We experience it too, during menopause, kids leaving home, changes in career, etc. Try to be more involved in his changes so you are a part of them. If you had kids and now they are gone from home, create "dream trips" together, just the two of you. Do the things you always wanted to do. Let him do his thing (as long as that isn't screwing around} and you do your thing. Take up new hobbies. Get yourselves cool cars. Be a little more adventurous in the bedroom or whereever. Just get to know each other again in a funloving way. Take a trip to Vegas and be like kids, dining out , a little gambling, sexy hotels.

If however cheating is involved, I don't know quite what to say. Be very careful about having sex with him so you don't get any diseases. If this is a break up point for you, then break it off. If its "okay for awhile" in your mind and heart, maybe see a counselor, and have them ask him if its all right for you to be romantically involved with another man. He may not have even thought of it that way. He can have fun in safe ways that protect the intimacy of your marriage bed.

My parents broke up when my Mother went through a midlife crisis. She wanted to party and go out and travel, and my Dad wanted to stay home and relax and enjoy his off time in peace. It became a huge source of fights, and they got in a pattern of she screams, he shuts up and puts the book in front of his face. They were 12 years apart in age, and Dad had already done his fun stuff earlier, but Mom was just about a child bride, and had just been raising kids and working all the time. I wish they would have met halfway, because a few years later, (after divorcing) they became good friends again. It would have worked out if they both would have tried to rekindle the newlywed stuff, both did their own thing peacefully, and found new things they both enjoyed.

Listen to him. What does he feel he missed out on? Would a trip with some old friends help? Guys only, hunting or whatever they do. And I'd advise you to do the same. Spend time cultivating your friendships too, and take some trips together with them. Then really find common ground on what makes both of you happy. He probably wants a sportscar, maybe its time you both got something more sporty instead of utility. Classic cars from the 60-70's are really quite inexpensive, and can look really cool.

Be there for him, but ask he does the same for you. You have both worked hard to get to this stage of life, enjoy it together.

Best wishes to you....
A forty something couple

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Answer 3

My husband's lasted for about a year. Knowing how much he really loved me helped me see it through. Otherwise, I would have walked away.

He moved out and came back. Then I moved out when I just had too much reality. I filed for divorce before we reconciled. It was tough. It will take a lot of patience on your part if you want it to work out in the end. He will say and do a lot of hurtful things before it is all said and done. I got counseling and went to church a lot. Friends and family were extremely supportive. I held it together when I was with him but I was a basketcase with friends and family. Best of luck.

Sites that helped a lot:
www.ojar.com
www.midlife.com

Answer 4

It happens in the 40s but can be earlier. If you do ok, you wonder if you can do better and how much time you have. If you haven't accomplished much, you beat yourself up or blame it on whatever convenient. Some feel stuck in a rat race or wrong career. Men and women go through this. Some want more love, money, adventures, a second chance, you name it.

Some people can be distracted by the love and devotion to their children but that's usually a deferral to later.

Answer 5

Talk to him everyday for half an hour.

Ask him what is bothering him. Write them down, only one item per day. Ask him how he would solve or confront the issue.

This is called talk therapy ! He will be all right in less than a month.

In the mean time, be nice to him ! Treat him like a king !

Answer 6

I have been married 29 years and I'm in my own midlife crisis. My husband is asleep on the couch every night by 8:00p.m., so I really don't think he has noticed.

Answer 7

Be there for him. But if he decides to leave, be strong. You are an individual as much you are a couple. Work through the tough times and you'll relish the good times that much more.

Answer 8

Excellent you are going from miracle grow to mid life crises. Yes I did see your last funny joke hehehe.

Answer 9

Hes going to go through it until he gets use to hanging out with us old guys . How to help him? Take him around to the clubs where all the young people hang out and he has nothing in common with until he realizes its allot easier going down hill then up.

Answer 10

After I told mine to leave, and not come back til he figured out what the *ell he wanted. It took him about 3 days to figure out what he did NOT want. However, I didnt feel as tho he had 'suffered' enough, and kep him hanging for the rest of the week. If one really cares, it doesnt take long to bring em to their senses. Are you willing to take that gamble?