I have been dating this guy for 3 months and found out he was married. I really want to tell his wife, but I am unsure how to do it, or what his or her retaliation might be.
By the way, I am pregnant with twins, they are his.
2007-05-09 12:36:57 · 24 answers · asked by beccacyclonette 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yeah .... I do know it is twins I am going on my 9th week, had an ultrasound. There are two! And, no I didn't know he was married. He decieved me, lied and said he lived with family, etc. I could go on and on. I had no idea, and a friend who is a police officer who became worried decided to do a background check. That is how I found out. Totally blew me away. He even wanted to start naming the children before I even knew he was married!
2007-05-09 12:49:00 · update #1
well that bites
2007-05-09 12:41:11 · answer #1 · answered by kc 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For all the people bashing her about the twin story, my closet friend found out she was having twins at 8wks. Although they said at this point they did not know if they were going to be viable, one sac was supposedly empty and the other sac something to do with the fetal pole, by week 12 it showed that both had heartbeats in the end. So don't say it is impossible to know that early because my friend is proof positive of that.
P.S not trying to be mean, just stating a case.
2007-05-09 16:20:55 · answer #2 · answered by happytree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing I would do would be to hire a lawyer and have your rights explained to you. It depends on what state you are in as for how much, but he is definitely on the hook for substantial child support payments.
His wife is going to find out anyways, so it may as well be gotten over with sooner than later. I would call him at work and tell him that you are going to tell his wife if he doesn't. If he is a decent man (which judging from his past behavior in regards to his wedding vows, I doubt) then he will step up and make the payments to you after disclosing everything to his wife. If he doesn't, you will have to do it yourself. Any pictures you may have of the two of you together would be exrtremely helpful for your cause, as well as any emails or letters from him. You are going to need all the documentation you can get together.
There is a high probability his wife will give him the heave-ho after this, but you should not under any circumstances take him back, unless you are ready to go through a lifetime of him straying from you, just like he did with his wife.
I wish you the best of luck, its not going to be easy.
2007-05-09 12:49:25 · answer #3 · answered by TubThumpin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should be the one to tell her....not you. My advice to you is to move on and give the twins up for adoption. There are many parents that are willing and able to pay for your legal and medical fees. Open adoption will allow you to continue being a part of the twins lives without the financial and emotional burden and stress. This man is married and not to you!
There are already too many illegitimate children in the world. Give the twins a good life, with a mother and father that will love them and provide for them. They deserve that. Good luck. My prayers are with you and the babies.
2007-05-09 12:49:11 · answer #4 · answered by Maiden Fair 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he's screwed....and so are you. His wife is going to find out one way or another, and don't be surprised if she doesn't thank the messenger. YES, she should be told, because boy won't it be a huge surprise when the District Attorney comes banging on her door telling her that her husband owes child support for HIS illegitimate kids!!
Call her up while he's at work or write her a letter and tell her straight up you had NO idea that he was married, and you're really sorry about the mess, but HER stupid ****** husband IS going to be financially responsible for the kids HE helped create. So be prepared.
And don't be surprised either if he never speaks to you again...not that that should matter. You are still entitled to support for those kids...so get ready for a HUGE snit on all sides.
2007-05-09 12:44:27 · answer #5 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
His wife deserves to know. He should be the one to tell her but it's iffy on whether he will. If you go to her you run the risk of him denying you, or his wife wanting to kill you, etc.
If anything, schedule a paternity test (even though you know the babies are his you will need one for court) and a court order for child support ASAP.
Prepare yourself to be on your own, don't count on him for anything... it sounds harsh but you have no idea what the future holds with this guy. I hope you stopped this affair as soon as you found out.
If you want to tell his wife...
Ask yourself what you are hoping to gain. I'm guessing... You feel that she won't get the truth from her husband? You're probably right.
Ask yourself if you are prepared for ANY kind of reaction from her and will you be 100% protected if things get ugly? Who knows, she may be very upset but appreciate you telling her. There is no way for anyone to know what her reaction will be, but count on her being very upset. Stay calm and refrain from harsh words even if she is the biggest B* to you. The life she has invested years in has just crumbled.
Are you prepared for this man to completely deny any involvement with you? It's a possibility, and that's why you really need DNA proof and support enforcement.
Do you think he already told his wife or gave her a b.s. story that some crazy girl from work is obsessed with him or something? People can go to great lengths if they don't want the truth to come out.
His future for sure holds child support and possibly divorce. Just make sure you are safe and have moral support on your side (don't look to him) because you will be facing difficult times and there will probably be a lot of harsh things directed at you when everything comes out in the open.
Ultimately you need to take care of you and prepare yourself for single parent life. The truth will come out eventually to this man's wife no matter what. You don't have to tell his wife, but if you do, if you feel the need to make sure that she knows the truth... then be prepared.
2007-05-09 13:57:20 · answer #6 · answered by mrs. lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said you found out he was married through a background check, but no one has mentioned yet that you can't possibly know the status of a relationship from a peice of paper. What if he was married years ago and separated, but never got a legal divorce yet, or maybe they are separated. Just a thought to consider.
2007-05-09 13:02:05 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if your friend was kind enough too check him out for you the best thing too do is call a lair and demand the truth ,it's your future and your babies future .
You need to call the shot as hard as it might be I'd leave him before any further emotions come on either ,and he sounds like a creep too me ! You need to say I can see you anymore and then go on to say I know you have a wife and proceed to ask him why is he with you if he's still with her.He can't have his cake and eat it too.
2007-05-09 13:44:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not up to you to tell his wife. Give him a certain amount to time to tell his wifw he is about to become the father of twins with another woman.
If he does not then make sure you send every bill for the babies and your health to him at home. Make sure your doctor and the hospital know who the father is . so you can claim child support after those babies are here
2007-05-09 12:46:02 · answer #9 · answered by mamayer6 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have been dating this man for three months u didn't even have a clue he had somebody. Did you have more than a cell phone # or have you even slept over his house...You should let him tell his own wife..And you should also think about is there more women like you..If you had no clue he was MARRIED then how you don't know if there are more.....
2007-05-09 12:52:32 · answer #10 · answered by misty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not pregnant with twins. You've been with him for 3 months. Unless you got knocked up the day you met him, it's too soon to even know. So make your stories believable next time.
2007-05-09 12:46:31 · answer #11 · answered by dior.junkie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋