I married my husband because he's genuine, kind, funny,laid back, etc... and he's great w/ kids. Latley, he's been grouchy and distant and just kind assholey all around. I haven't changed a bit, but I'm about to. I told him that if he didn't stop being an asshole, he could go be one somewhere else. I know that having 2 children under 5, more bills and more work probably has something to do w/ it. But I don't believe he's the cheating kind, I think he's just in a rut. What should I do? I love him, but his behavior is unacceptable and will not tolerate it.
2007-05-09 11:23:28 · 9 answers · asked by Robin S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The best thing to do right now is not immediately go for the ultimatum....this will only make him feel backed into a corner and be more defensive. Approach him more softly and ask him if he even knows the source of what is eating at him. If he does, then help him talk it through. If he doesn't, suggest that he talk to someone about it like a counselor or pastor and you will go with him. Tell him you love him, how much he and your marriage mean to you and you want nothing but the best but right now, this isn't it. You are there to be his helpmate, not his punching bag....I hope it works out for you! Hang in there! I have been married for 19 years and for a while mine was a big butthead too but we got counseling and we both learned things to do and "not to do"....It's worth the effort!
2007-05-09 11:33:06 · answer #1 · answered by gapper1964 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry that youre having to go through this.
Have you tried talking to him about whats bothering him? You mentioned kids, bills, work, etc. Find out what the bottom line is-whats causing him to act like this.
Im thinking maybe he feels overwhelmed and just needs to hear some encouragment. Tell him you guys are a team and will handle the stresses together.
I would advise against telling him to go be an asshole somewhere else. Trust me, its not like I dont know the feeling, but just try to work things out together. Keep talking and talking and talking things through (assuming you want to work it out).
Its always good to talk things out calmly. And share your frustrations with him as well (eg: hey, Im stressed also but I want us to be able to talk and support each other).
Im sure youve read a hundred times how important it is to say "I feel this" and "I feel that" versus saying "You do this" and "You do that." That whole psychological reflex will put him on the defensive and nothing will be accomplished.
Again, I think the first step is to get at the root of whats bothering him. Dont allow the distance b/w you guys to grow any more than it already has.
If youre unsure how to go about having this conversation with him consider getting someone to watch the kids for a few hours and take a walk to the park or something like that. Hold hands, etc-show that you care and love him while youre having this conversation with him.
Being in a "rut" is totally common-tell him that. The important thing is to recognize and acknowledge it, then take steps to eradicate it. Work on those things together.
Good luck!
2007-05-09 11:39:59 · answer #2 · answered by NatureGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to love him more and give him positive feedback all the time. Tell him how wonderful he looks or how thankful you are for him working and making ends meet for famiy. Not only women gets cranky men get it too. sometimes they just need more attention. I don't think he is in a rut i just think he is unhappy right now. that is when you come along the wife to build him up. you should always build your man up to make him feel good. Negativity will only bring more stress. Goodluck. Don't complain do something about it.
2007-05-09 11:42:00 · answer #3 · answered by shyhonney 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may just be having a tough time at work and it worried about supporting your family. Be patient and support him, offer to give him a massage or cook dinner or whatever. Imagine being totally stressed out and then go home after work and your wife is pissed off at you... If it doesn't improve after quite some time then maybe marriage counseling?
2007-05-09 11:29:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
even though you may not see it, you've changed as well. we all do after we've had a few kids and such. that's life and life has a lot to do with it. don't argue about it just walk away. unless it has to do with the kids of course. let him be an *sshole all by himself for a while. remove yourself and the kids from the situation if it gets to bad. odd's are, he'll come out of it on his own. if not, check out some counseling.
2007-05-09 11:51:41 · answer #5 · answered by racer 51 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
TRY TO HELP EASY HIS LOAD I CANT BELIVE U WOULD LEAVE CAUSE HE IS GROUCHY GEE U CANT TELL ME YOU NEVER PMS ON HIM I THINK YOU TWO JUST NEED A NIGHT ALONE GET A BABYSITTER FOR THE NIGHT SEND THEM TO GRNDMAS TAKE A SHOWER TO GAETER AND GO OUT TO EAT EVEN IF ITS A BURGAR GO GET THEM AND EAT AT HOME WITH CANDLE LIGHTS THE WHOLE 9YRD MAKE HIM FILL SPECIAL AND TELL HIM HOW MUCH YOU APPRECATE HIM WE ALL NEED TO HEAR THAT WE ARE APPRECATED BY THOSE THAT COUNT ON US IF THAT DOESN WORK GO TALK TO A COUNSLERS OR PASTOR
2007-05-09 12:02:40 · answer #6 · answered by Msdeb gee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One way or another you need to find out why he is acting this way. What you have described can be signs of anything from cheating to depression. You really need to know exactly what you're dealing with before you can fix it. Good luck to you.
2007-05-09 12:08:48 · answer #7 · answered by TwyztedChyck 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think the key here is to talk to him about it even though he doesn't like it and u don't wanna end up fighting!....well...this happens to whenever u talk to him about it..well, the solution is to write him a letter, i know, it's weird!...but try it...put down what u think about his behaviour and how it is affecting you and that you are with him for whatever is bothering him and u will support him in anyway possible to make things better for him, etc, etc...just wirte it and put it somewhere for him where u know that he will get it...hope this helps
2007-05-09 11:32:05 · answer #8 · answered by sweta 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me know when you find a great answer!!I am in your boat and I am ready to jump out.
2007-05-09 15:31:39 · answer #9 · answered by amber 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋