Husband wont promise he wont get up close with female work collegue in front of me again!?

Question

I was put in an awful situation before (twice) by husband,(I have spoken on here about it before, and had some really great support from everyone,but havent had courage to leave.) Ive spoken to him about it and he said that he was wrong! but he wont promise he wont put me in the same situation again! He does think that I should have forgotten about it, as he admitted he shouldnt have done it.(he cant cope with being wrong!!!)
We have a memorial service to go to this week for hubbys ex boss that Ive known for nearly 40 yrs,but the female collegue will be there. I wanted to go until I thought that she will be there & probably be all cosey with hubby. She will probably do it deliberately,she has before,she knows Im getting over total breakdown. I told husband I didnt know if I could go, he just said, "oh well thats upto you". When I said that I was worried I would be put in bad situ again he just looked at me! He thinks Im the one in the wrong! Any ideas on how to go & stay strong

Thank you to everyone who has contributed to my question.
We have been together for 36 yrs, and married for 32. When it was our 25th Anniversary I couldnt understand at the time why he didnt want to really celebrate , but didnt realise why! Our son took us for a meal, but hubby didnt want anyone else to join us & moaned all the way through about the food etc. There were a lot of other odd things that happened at that time, & since. They all are explained now!
It wasnt til I took a part time job, and heard the men talking about their lives, I realised just how other couples were.

The problem with leaving is I dont want to let my kids down(ok they are in their 20's) but I dont have anywhere to go/no job so no money. I had a (I thought) good friend who hubby went to see when I was ill. He made son take him, then wait in car, while he went in to talk to her. She visited me once to explain what I was going through, then never came again. I had nasty e.mail having a go at me. I told her my side, and she apologised & said that she hadnt realised just how callous & how much contempt my husband treated me with. Yet still hasnt been near in 3 yrs. He has talked to my family, who have now turned on me also! I have no-one and nowhere to go!

Answer 1

It appears to me that your husband doesn't care about you anymore and has probably been messing around with this colleague behind your back. He is an idiot to think that you should forget about something so trivial in marriage and any relationship for that matter.

I do not see any other option then to tell him it is divorce unless he tells this other women to keep her distance. He is your husband and if he respects you then he should have no problem complying with you request.

If he argues with you about doing this for you then I would just tell him your leaving and should expect divorce papers in the mail. He is being a jack a ss.

God Bless and Best Wishes!

Answer 2

Beat her to the punch, dress very sexy, but not trashy or slutty, you know what I mean?
Just really be affectionate in a little bit of a provocative way, like whisper some things you would like to do to him while she's around, smile a lot. If you're going to be sitting down to eat and depending on where you're sitting from him. If you're sitting down beside him you could always rub his thigh and up some. If you sit across from him, you can always take off your shoe and rub your foot on him lol. Oh man there are so many things you could do. If you are away from your husband and see her near him, walk over and say something like, "I'm really looking forward to tonight", "are you looking forward to tonight" , or something like, I have a really good surprise for you when we get home. How about wearing a long coat and wear nothing under it and flash him at it lol. He'll be thinking about you all night long. If you notice that she's looking, but he doesn't, plant a big kiss on him, little playful, but a little sensual too. Whatever gets him in the mood.

Good Luck

Answer 3

each and all of the signs and indicators are there. adult males (and a few females) will lie approximately this till their final breath. If he hasn't had intercourse together with her yet, he's having an emotional affair and quickly will. certainly, from the texts, sounds like they already are bodily intimate. i've got been single for an prolonged time. i'm not surprised at what number married adult males are obtainable finding for some relaxing, and that i'm specific they don't all run domicile and confess while asked. you're scared to flow on. exchange is often frightening. merely have been given to do it. Step off the shrink and take it one step at a time.

Answer 4

Go along to the service you have every right to be there hold you head up high and stand next your husband as he is your husband after all!Sounds to me like your very unhappy your children arent 6 and 7 anymore iam sure that they will feel relief if you were to seperate,dont waste every day of your life being sad,my mum left my dad after 25 years and she is a diffrent person she is happy,iam not going to lie the money is a struggle and she has had to downsize but things like that arent important its your happiness that counts my mum wished she did it soonner,you can get a job part time or full time the council may help you out contact the benefits people and good luck

Answer 5

At the end of the day he's your husband and should respect you. You are completely entitled to feel the way you do, and he should see this. You sound like you have been together a long time, so you should be able to talk to him about how you feel. If he doesn't understand the way you feel, or thinks you are over-reacting, you need to show him that you wont accept his behaviour and perhaps you need to spend some time apart, it will give both of you time to think.

Be adults, don't go to this service and be all over him, as this will only show insecurity. Have some self-respect and don't put up with a husband that doesn't care enough to respect that you are hurting over this.

Best wishes to you.

Answer 6

You have my understanding. I left my husband 6 years ago when i found out he had cheated on me 5 hours after we lost a child,and this wasnt the first time he had done it. I too was (and still am) suffering from severe depression, and i got to the point where i knew my health couldnt take much more of his mind games. As hard as i found it to be when it happened within 2 months i was feeling rejuvanated in myself. My advice to you is to hold your head up high and make the choices only you want to make, this other woman may have your husbands attention and if he thinks she's worth risking what you have - let him go, because believe me you could gain a lot more than you could loose. Good Luck

Answer 7

you're husband sounds like he has a narcisstic personality disorder. First off hon what you need to do is go to this memorial service and if that whore walks up to your husband simply tell her that you are not putting up with her crap anymore. If he doesn't stop it then sorry sweets he is totally disrespecting you and you have to tell your self you don't ever deserve that treatment. He is going to continue to make it look like it is your fault and that you should've forgotten about it until you stand up to him. Tell him NO, you shouldn't forget this ever and that he better start respecting you or you are going to leave him sorry butt. And you have to mean it. Otherwise he just is going to continue treating you like dirt. I told mine that i am not putting up with anymore **** from him, and i MEAN it. If i so much as think he is screwing around again stay at home mom or not i will throw him out, get a divorce and be on my way to a better happy time in my life. I have finally figured out that i don't deserve for him or anyone to treat me like that. Now sweets you have to do the same thing for yourself.

Answer 8

Right. You should leave him he is getting his fun out of making little of you and you deserve better then that, So you go to the memorial service with your husband and when you see this work mate of his, walk up to her and tell her that you need some one to talk to, then tell her that you are leaving your husband because he has given you an STD and that it is not the first time that he gave you one, then see if she will want him and when he comes crawling back you can tell him to go back to his work mate that You do not want him....all the best.

Answer 9

if hes getting all cozy in front of you whats he doing when youre not around??? face it sweetie..."hubbys" a total loser and he obviously doesnt care too much about you based on the way he treats you. your kids will be fine theyre old enough to understand....so the choice is yours....either keep on letting him do this to you or tighten up be a strong intelligent decent woman and tell him where he can shove it! seems to me like hes got you convinced that you dont matter to anyone like youre some kind of sub human who needs to shut her mouth and listen....dont wait for the courage to come to you to leave him do it now...make yourself do it because right now hubbys making you look like a damn fool!!!

Answer 10

So basically your husband is saying he was wrong but wants to do it again when the opportunity presents itself? I'm sorry but your husband's a jerk. You're giving him way too much leeway and you really need to stop tolerating this once and for all. If he told you he can't promise anything, it means he has no intentions of staying away from her. Instead of going to the funeral, just pack up and leave.