++Creative outlet! Can you write a funny or otherwise entertaining story using these 90's song titles? ?

Question

1) Have you ever really loved a woman.
2) All or nothing
3) Barely breathing
4) As I lay me down
5) All the man I need

Answer 1

The last thing I remember is driving down the highway with my wife beside me. There was a flash of light and a loud noise and the next thing I knew we both stood at the gates of Heaven. St Peter opened the big book and said: "Well I see you both are a few points short of getting in, but we have a special test you can take and if you pass we will let you in." "What happens if we fail?" I asked. With that St. Peter frowned and said "I'm afraid it's ALL OR NOTHING." BARELY BREATHING, I said "You mean if we don't pass the test we have to go to.. that other place!? He smiled and said: "Heavens no! You just have to lay down here in front of the gate and take a nap for a hundred years." "Alright" said I, "Let's have the test" My wife said "Wait! What if one of us passes and the other fails?" St. Peter answered with a knowing smile saying, "Which ever one can answer honestly the three questions without a sin goes in. The other takes the 100 year nap. St. Peter reached under his podium and took out a single sheet of paper. He said, Question 1 is for you Mr. "HAVE YOU EVER REALLY LOVED A WOMAN?" Relieved I said "Yes! I have always loved my wife!" "Very good" said St. Peter. "The next question is for your wife. Have you ever thought about cheating on your husband?" My wife gave a sigh of relief and said "No! He's ALL THE MAN I NEED" "Great" said St. Peter. "Now for you Mr. I see in your report that you recently hired a new secretary. You didn't hire the older woman with lots of experience, but instead hired the beautiful young well endowed blonde who had never worked in an office before. Your question is: Did you hire her because you thought she would be good for the office or because you hoped to have an affair with her?" I could feel my eyes closing as I yawned out my answer and began sagging down to the golden ground in front of the gates. The last thing I saw was my wife skipping through those pearly gates as I tried to answer. All I could get out before I was unconcious was, "AS I LAY ME DOWN..."

Answer 2

All or nothing....barely breathing from the accident. As i lay me down on the hospital bed i ponder...all the man i need is certainly Tom. I asked him have you ever really loved a woman? He blushed but i knew. Wonder how i got into this accident? by Tom because he wasn't the man i knew. He was wanted for murder. And what was his targets? Women.

Answer 3

Two friends, find themselves running in The Park. They had caught themselves there. Without knowing the other was gonna be there. There friendship had been going for quite sometime. But there emotions were still hidden.
As they run in a playful tone. he, "accidently" trips and grabs his frind to stop his fall. They tumble together to the gorund. Laughing as if life was the best it could be.
(3)Barely breathing, she looks into his eyes. (1) "Have you ever really loved a woman?' she asks, from out of the blue.
"No, not exactly", he confesses. "To me?" he continues. "It would have to be (2) all or nothing".
"You're kiddin, right?" she bust out in amazement.
(4) "As I lay me down, here today. I can say that I've never really loved a Woman". He stares in the distance. His confession has caught him off-guard. To return to being more in control. He leans up to his Friend. Tell me about your fella?"
She pauses for a moment. Rolls over to be face-to-face to him. Props herself up with her arm. And looks him straight in the face.
"I've been watching you. I've been a freind, to you. Only to be near you. I've talked to you. To to get to know you. I've sat with you at work. Just to feel the energy, that you give me. YOU!" She yells out. "You are (5) all the man I need".
With those shocking words. The two Friends, roll together in an passionate embrace. Their hearts confessing. what their eyes have been saying all along.

Answer 4

The night began normal enough. Another date with another guy that my friends said was "perfect" for me.
"He's a great guy!" spouted Jane.
"He's handsome and graduated from an Ivy League school! He was even in a prominent fraternity!" shrieked Ellen.
I rolled my eyes and smirked, "Is he all the man I need?"(#5)
Jane's face went blank, "You'll never find a guy with that attitude, Cate."
She was right. So I gave in. A nice dinner out with an Ivy League gentleman who probably had great references. So tell me how I ended up sitting across the table from a man with enough gel in his hair to withstand Armageddon who was going on and on about how he holds the record for most armpit farts in an hour.
"It was all or nothing(#2)," he said, "and I had to prove to Tad that my armpits could withstand anything! That 50 bucks we bet was mine!"
I smiled a half smile, but inside my blood was curdling. What a complete idiot. I thought that this could not possibly get any worse. I thought wrong.
"Those pit farts were so loud and squishy that if they were real everyone in the room would have been barely breathing(#3)!" My date had a piece of spinach stuck in his teeth, and he kept spitting while he spoke. I thought that he couldn't possibly be more disgusting. Again, I thought wrong.
"Sometimes, Cate, as I lay me down (#4) to watch reruns of 'Friends,' I like to cover myself up with the blanket that my mom made me last Christmas. It's fleece, ya know? Real thick? I prepare a huge plate of nachos--the works. Peppers, cheese, beans, hot sauce, sometimes even sardines if I'm feelin' adventurous."
I think my jaw dropped on the floor at this point, but this guy was so wrapped up in his story that he wouldn't have even noticed if I started to pick my nose and my hair was on fire.
"So I down it quick, and then I cuddle with my blankey..."
When he said "blankey" I had to laugh, but I wanted to be discreet, so I faked a cough.
"...and my bear 'Mr. Sniffles' and then...then, Cate, the REAL fun begins!"
What this fun could possibly be, I had no idea. I wasn't sure I even wanted to know, but I figured that I'd made it this far and I had better follow through.
"What's the real fun?" I hummed with feigned interest.
"I give Mr. Sniffles dutch-ovens!" he chortled.
At that point the whole room stopped. Here was a grown man, and Ivy-Leaguer no less, telling me that he farted unter thick blankets and made his stuffed animal smell the butt-tufts that he released after a plate full of fish and nachos! My good sense left my body as well as my ability to think before I spoke.
With no hesitation I shouted, "Who ARE you?! Are you serious? Is this your first time out with a woman? Have you ever even touched a woman? Have you EVER really LOVED a woman(#1)? Or has your whole, disgusting existence been a combination of armpit noises and flatulence?!?!"
The whole restaurant went silent. My date looked as though he was going to cry. I heard a solitary fork fall onto a plate somewhere behind me. And then, the unthinkable happened. (Although, at this point I didn't think that there was ANYTHING more unthinkable than what I had just experienced. And once again, I was so very wrong.)
Perhaps it was nerves or maybe complete humiliation, but in that moment of tension, I let out the biggest, noisiest, most putrid fart I had ever experienced.
When it was all over and the coughing had subsided, I stood up, thanked my date for the evening and left.
As I walked away, I heard my date tell the waiter, "Not much of a lady, was she? And she had some broccoli in her teeth the whole night!"

I hung my head, walked out the door, and down 10th street wondering if I had just possibly experienced the best dating horror on the face of the Earth. That's when a pigeon crapped on my head just as a handsome business man walked by me. After that, I was more than convinced.

Answer 5

Dodge City, Kansas
Circa 1876

This is a continuing story. Last time my story led up to this:
PART TWO....Take Me To The Ball


"I STILL say.....it's a Ball, not just a dance." She twirls around the room as Matt watches her lovingly.
♫ " I'll wear my fancy slippers and my brand new dress of blue. Take me to the ball, come and let me be with you. We'll twirl across the dance floor, toe to toe and cheek to cheek...."♫ she stopped singing as she saw the tears in Matt'e eyes......."Oh, baby.......I love you so much." He just sat there starring at her. "Matt? No matter how many women request a dance with you tonight, please (4) Save the last dance for me. Okay?" Matt finally found his voice......." You are the only woman I'll be dancing with." And with that, they left for the ......ball
TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS AT THE BALL, YOU'LL NEED TO POST ANOTHER QUESTION....FOR THE CONCLUSION.

PART THREE

As the time nears for the "ball" to commence, we find Sam The Bartender and Festus getting ready on the bandstand. They are deep in conversation. Sam:" Festus, (1) Have you ever really loved a woman?
Festus: "Wellllllllll.....not as I recall....but I sure do love my mule, Ruth. Does THAT count?"
Sam just shook his head. He decided to change the subject........."I hope you're ready to do the BEST square dance calling you've ever done."
Festus: " (4) As I lay me down, I'll give it my (2) All or nothing, I'll guarantee you that!"
Just then the banjo player showed up. He looked pale.....not well at all. Suddenly, he keeled over. Festus:"Someone get Doc!!" Within minutes they had him up the stairs in Doc's office. Festus:"Doc? Do you think he can play with the band tonight?" Doc:" Are you out of your mind? Why.....he's (3) Barely breathing, Festus!" So much for a banjo player to liven up the festivities!

Up the street Matt was just closing up shop. All his paperwork had been completed and he was off to Sunshine's place. When he arrived at her farm she had a bath already drawn for him. "Hi, baby....hop in !!" He smiled and was soon relaxing in the water. "AHHhhhhhhh.....this is so nice and warm. Thank you SunnyMac." All at once his reverie was interrupted. SPLASH!! "Hi,baby!!! You're in hot water, now!!"
Matt was jolted out of his solitude...... "Dear God, Sunshine! Why do you ALWAYS surprise the hell out of me?!" She smiled and started tickling his toes.
Sunshine: " Baby, you are all the man......and I DO mean (5) All the man I need.....and I need you RIGHT now!!"

Will they EVER make it to the "ball?"
Find out in the conclusion to....TAKE ME TO THE BALL.......
(To be concluded in your next question.)