married and talking with male friend , WRONG ?

Question

Heres the scoop. I am married not because i haveb to be, but because i wanted to be. I am happy for the most part. but since i have been married an old friend has gotten in touch through email, we arent going to meet. but we just chat back and fourth on the computer. this was never a sexual relationship with this other guy - so i justified this being okay for awhile. but now i am questioning .. should a married lady not go behind her husbands back to talk with a man from the past even if it wasnt a sexual relationship. However he has expressed feelings for me if my current relationship broke up. where do i draw the line. Note i would never get with this guy if my marriage failed any way

Answer 1

Be truthful.

Be truthful by explain to your friend that you have strong relationship with your husbad and the he is a good friend and will not progress any further than that.

NOTE: You don't have to be direct. You can show and tell him that he is a friend and show that you have a strong relationship with your husband in other ways.

Let your husband know of your male friend. It's a matter of trust. If he does trust you and doesn't trust your friend then it be sure and strong to tell him how you feel. Because if your husband draws the line or if you male friend comes with a marriage proposal, be prepare to give up that relationship or your relation with your husband with suffer.

You seem to know where your line is draw. Make sure your friend know that he is not going to progress beyond friendship. As a guy I respect that. As I guy I don't respect friends who don't wish to respect my wishes. I don't consider him or her my "friend" if he or she sees me in a bad place for his or her benefit.

Answer 2

Okay.

Here's how I tend to look at it. Men and women can be friends, but there's always, always, going to be the chance to cheat.

Cheating doesn't have to be physical, it can be emotional and mental as well.

So, how would you feel if your husband had your email password, and read every single email you and this man have been sharing. Would you be upset, scared, nervous, ashamed? Would you even want him reading your email? Would you let him read it if he asked you to? How do you think your husband would react to these emails. Would your husband be upset, angry, jealous?

If so, then you are cheating, and its wrong.

However lets look at what you're saying in your question.

You said he's expressing feelings for you, so I'd say that's the deal breaker right there. You could have been freinds, but he's saying "hey I'm available, if you ever want to cheat, break up, etc"

You need to tell him that this is never going to happen, and hope your husband doesn't find out.

IF he continues along this line, you need to end the relationship completely, explain that even though its not physical, you can't keep it up, because you're letting another man insinuate himself into your life.

What happens if after a few more months of this, you decide to cyber?

Then he calls and you have "innocent" phone sex?

What happens when he shows up on your doorstep, expecting to live out some fantasy you've talked about with him?

You say you'd never get with him, but it always seems to be those guys who DO end up "getting" the women.

End it with him now, before you hurt your husband.

Answer 3

First off when you are asking this you are realizing that you are doing something wrong in the first place. I think you need to end this communication ASAP. Really your husband doesn't know you are doing this which is bad in it self. Then you have this other guy saying he has feelings for you if your marriage were to fail. Even if you do not share the same feelings for this old friend, by staying in contact with him your giving him the wrong message.

If you love your husband and want a honest and faithful marriage you must end this. By you emailing him you are basically allowing yourself to get entwined into a emotional affair.

HE HAS ALREADY SAID ENOUGH TO SAY RED FLAG STOP ALL COMMUNICATION NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

Just tell this old friend that you are married to the man of your dreams and he must just carry on with his life and leave you out of it. That you have never had those kinds feelings for
him and it will never happen!

God Bless and just do what is Right!

Answer 4

A married woman should never go behind her husband's back, period.

This guy is not talking to you because he wants to be your friend... he wants you to think of him as an option in case your marriage breaks up. He sounds sleazy. Sorry, but think about it... how many of your guy friends stuck around after you got married? Probably not too many.

I would end the relationship since he has clearly crossed the line. If he hadn't mentioned wanting more if things didn't work out, which is a brazen and rude act anyway, then I'd say just mention to your husband you heard from an old friend. But since that's not the case, it sounds like he's bad news.

Answer 5

for me, i never do anything that will jeopardize my marriage. i don't typically have male friends that my husband would be uncomfortable with. i have some male friends that are friends to both of us and who my husband isn't at all concerned about, but i would be very hesitant to begin a new male friendship after the marriage. i would be very suspicious if my husband had a new female friend as well. he's a guy. he should be hanging out with guys and our mutual friends when we are together at dinner or a movie. but, he should not be hanging out on the phone with a woman. period. i don't know why you would consider hurting your husband just to spare a friendship that only began because your marriage was on the rocks. i think the origin of the relationship is grounds enough to end it now that you are back together. basically, if you weren't separated, you wouldn't have even met this person.

Answer 6

If you have to hide it or lie about it then you shouldn't be doing it!

You draw the line now as he has already disrespected your marriage and husband by voicing his willingness to be with you if you two broke up.

A "friend" would be enhancing your relationship and encouraging it to be the best it can possibly be. He is not doing this he is creating emotional conflict where you do not need it to be.

Let him go now or let your husband know that your friend is chatting with you. If you are not ashamed to let your husband read any and all emails between you and this "friend" then perhaps there is nothing wrong. If you would hesitate to let him read both yours and his emails then you are certainly doing something that you should not.

Answer 7

Hey, you are certainly not the only one who struggles with this question. My husband and I are pretty open about having friendships with persons of the opposite sex. The main safety net being that we tell each other that so-and-so called ...etc. However, I do know that he talks to his old high school lady-friend quite alot-I'm sure he doesn't share every phone call with me, and like to talk to my male friends, but I do know that there is one friend that I would LIKE to talk to and/or see without telling my husband,even our friendship has always been techically plutonic,also....SO I can't offer any advice, I can just say you are not alone.
BUT, I do think that a habit of deception has got to be bad. It can't be good thing in the long run of a marriage.

Answer 8

Ok first why don't you just tell your husband you have a friend. If he has expressed feelings for me then you need to draw the line right there and tell him you only want to be friends, if he can't accept that he isn't much of a friend and in all reality it will just cause you more problems to stay friends.

From experience, be honest. I can handle a lot that is going on in my marriage but not if he lies!

Answer 9

If you have to hide it from your husband that by itself make it WRONG regardless of having or not having sexual conversation or relationship with this man.
He has feeling for your and in a way chatting with him you are leading him on, or in his mind he thinks if he chats long enough with you you might develop feelings for him too, which has a 95 percent chances of happening. Today you think you will never go to this guy if your marriage failed. if you keep this going, you will end your marriage to go to this guy.

Answer 10

Your relationship with this man from the past is getting serious and I bet that you haven't told you husband about your new pen-pal. If you haven't it's because you probably feel that what your doing isn't innocent at all. I would tell your husband that you have a new friend and I would distance yourself from any type of potential affair...unless that what your really looking for. Good Luck