The child is 4 and the mother "friend" I only met, the first time I looked after the child, The child was more than willing to go with me and stay at mine with my larger than average family and right from the start expressed the desire to stay with us, always making excuses not to go home, the mother has expressed her love for the child! but has readily agreed to the child living with us permenatly, I am more than capable of this the child is now quite settled and appears happy, I would like others views on this????. This agreement is between myself and the mother with no aurthorities involved.
2007-05-09 10:18:46 · 25 answers · asked by pinkitten 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
We did this. We got the child tutoring to get her schooling up to the correct grade level. Helped her in every way we knew how. She was healthy ,happy and progressing wonderfully. The mother (not a friend,just someone that abandon her) disappeared for a year and a half. Then just showed up one day and said "give my daughter to me." We had involved social services just after consenting to care for her. We became foster parents. The mother had allowed one of her "Johns" to rape this precious child at 10 yrs. old. Still after spending a fortune on a lawyer to fight the mother ,the state gave her back to the horrible mother. I tell you our story to warn you. It almost killed us when they took her. We never heard from her again. If you are going to be generous enough to take on the responsibility of raising this child get the mother to allow you to legally adopt her.
2007-05-09 10:37:54 · answer #1 · answered by thirsty mind 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I'm not sure if you are a religious person at all but this is something that I would be on my knees asking. The thing you need to know most is if this is whats best for the child and your family. If you feel in your heart that she is a missing link to your home and that you are the mother figure she is missing, then get the legal help needed to make it happen! You want her to have a sense of security that she won't be ripped from the family she calls home! Sweetie, amazingly no matter who bears a child or what life that child enters into in this world they chose a family before they came here. Sometimes there are reasons they aren't born into that. In the end, God will make sure that they get to the family they are meant to have by whatever means he must.
2007-05-09 17:33:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd get some sort of written agreement down on paper. The mother may feel like this now but the longer the child is in your care the more love and attachment you will feel for the child and some time down the line, the mother may change her mind and by rights she could take the child back again.
2007-05-09 17:27:39 · answer #3 · answered by dollydaydream22 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unless you are both prepared to get it written up legally, which if this is in the UK, will not be allowed, cos children can't be seen to be passed around like unwanted dogs, then forget about it, as you are setting yourself up for a fall, and the poor girl will be left even more scarred than she probably already is. If in a years time the mother says she wants her back, you'll have to go along with it, which means you and the girl suffer...if you went to court, the mother would win as you had nothing legal in place, but even if she didn't win, you certainly wouldn't as a non relative, so the girl would end up in care.
Contact social services and get the girl the secure life she needs. If her mother is willing to pass her over to a stranger so easily, then she's not a good mother, and you really shouldn't be getting yourself involved.
2007-05-09 17:25:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anon 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1st, she needs to give you a letter stating that you have temporary custody and that you have power to enroll the child in schools, emergency medical care, and can sign for anything the child needs.
2nd, you may consider adopting the child. This process you start by contacting an attorney that deals with adoption. If you and the birth parent are both in agreement, these go fast and smooth. It runs about $2,500, for an average adoption.
I think it is very noble for you to do this since I have had a friend temporarily take custody of 2 of my children in the past and I appreciated SO much for helping me through my tough times, but we had a strong friendship in the beginning and were not afraid to ask hard questions like when my son started calling her mom...she asked me what to do. You need to find out if this woman intends to come back for the child. they may not want to now, but it has happened. You need legal documentation or you will be at her mercy in teh future. Who will claim taxes on the child....she might do that and not even tell you. How will she be contacting the child, will she want visitation....there is so much involved and I wish I knew more about your situation, a touch different than mine, but still.
I hope it works out for you and everything goes well for all of you, but take my advise, please get documentation and lots of communication so you don't have everything you have worked for and attached to ripped away in a year or 2.
2007-05-09 17:38:38 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do not mind taking on the financial burden, it sounds like the child is happy with you. I would just have some minor documents written up, because you will need to have medical authorization, in the event of needing medical attention, as well as schooling. A school will ask for papers of proof that you have guardianship to be able to enroll them. Unless you live close to the mom and she did it.
The mother AND father of this child should be contributing financially too. Child support arrangements, should be discussed.
This child is blessed to have you!
2007-05-09 17:36:38 · answer #6 · answered by hypnosisbyjill 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ideally this should have been thought about before the childs settled.
If everybody is happy with the arrangements and you can offer the child a better home then why not?
Remember though, just because she's living with you doesn't mean she doesn't need to see her mum. Its important that she still sees her mum reguarly and has contact. The more love the better.
Don't forget to concider yourself in this decision too, sounds like you have your hands full already.
I'd like to know, If I'm allowed to be nosey...why can't the mum take care of her own daughter?
2007-05-09 17:32:38 · answer #7 · answered by Sahra 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you would obviously have to go through an adoption process in some shape or form - otherwise there's the risk that the mother may change her mind, and that would really upset the apple cart - for all involved.
If you genuinely think that you can make it work and are willing to commit to the child for the next 30-40 years, then go for broke.
To be honest - sounds like a good idea to me.
2007-05-09 17:26:37 · answer #8 · answered by Felidae 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What happens when the child gets sick, needs emergency care, unless you have legal guardianship, you can do nothing! And risk kidnapping charges if the mom decides you were at fault for something!
People seem to seek out good hearted people such as yourself..and then if a problem happens it is ALWAYS your fault...be very careful, and make sure that you at least go to a lawyer for some sort of guardianship paper work to be drawn up...just to protect YOUR family!!
Such a sweety you are, and this kids is lucky to have you in his life...ps...YOU can not even get the kids routine medical care or get him in school without proof of guardianship!
2007-05-09 17:29:47 · answer #9 · answered by kat k 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well it is all about the happiness of the child 1st of all and then you and the mother need to sit down and have a long conversation because maybe she does not want to live up to her responsibilities right know but later on she might feel guilty and want her baby back so if i were you i would have a long talk with the mother to make sure she is ready to give up her baby and then make it legal for the baby protection their wont be any confusion in the baby life
2007-05-09 17:48:05 · answer #10 · answered by missyp8 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋