How would you define an “addictive” relationship?

Question

What do you believe the circumstances were if you were in one that led you to get into it in the first place?

When did you come to realize you were in one and what were the circumstances or learning that occurred by you that helped you get out of that relationship?

And lastly what did you learn about yourself that you do not do now if you are no longer in an addictive relationship?

Answer 1

I don't believe such a thing exists.

We all get into relationships to meet our needs, and to fulfill the needs of those with whom we get involved.

We may not be satisfied with the outcome. The relationship may be one-sided. We may leave, give it another chance, leave, and give it yet another chance, repeatedly.

But I do not believe the term "addictive" would apply. We are still free to leave and not come back.

The only reason to go back is a desire to fulfill our needs and fulfill the needs of the one with whom we get involved.

It isn't like there are no others with whom we could be involved.

To me, those who label a relationship "addictive" are merely trying to find a derogatory term to describe an unsatisfying relationship.

This ranks amongst the fictitious labels such as "co-dependancy".

It is a way of escaping responsibility for our choices.

on edit:
How would you distinguish a truly loving and complete relationship from an "addictive" relationship? Would you not struggle with all your might to preserve and protect such a relationship? Should we define a "healthy" relationship as one where we abandon ship as soon as things become difficult?

Marriage vows are "till death do us part". Some of us mean that. Does that make our relationships "addictive"?

on edit:
As I was just asked about this...

"Co-dependency" was a term thrown around a lot several years (decades?) ago.

As I understood it, co-dependancy described a relationship where two people were -too- dependant upon one another.

How this was judged, I never really understood, as the general description seemed absurd to me to begin with.

I agree with you that we are social creatures. We do depend upon each other, and I believe we must. It is healthy for us.

As trust develops in a relationship, it seems understandable and natural that those involved would come to depend upon each other more and more.

Those who claimed "co-dependancy" was a degree of dependancy that was too much seemed to believe that there was a line between healthy dependancy and unhealthy dependancy.

I don't subscribe to that belief.

Answer 2

Just a little fyi the difference between addiction and love is a matter of substances, so........ you can't seperate the two! Do your really think that when a drug addict has a relationship with his drug that he doesn't secertly assicate that drug with everything in his life? His past, his present, his future! The fact is most of us have better relationships with our addictions then we do with our "lovers" strange thing the human heart.... beautiful thou in its simplicity, its up to the brain to keep this from getting out of control thou.....