People, please offer advice, not insults?

Question

I am four months pregnant, and I no longer love the baby's father. I feel so guilty, and I have been trying to make things work, but I don't know if I can do the single mom thing on my own. I have thought about adoption, but feel guilty about that too. And he would never agree to it anyway. Should I try to make it work with him? Should I raise the baby on my own? Is it cruel to consider adoption?

Answer 1

First of all, it is normal to have a short fuse with your man during pregnancy. I can't tell you how many times I swore I was going to leave my husband while I was pregnant. Your hormones are out of whack and things that normally don't bother you, will. So, of course, I think you should try to work it out. However, if you try and it is not a viable option, adoption is a great option to consider. No, it is not cruel, it is giving your child a life you know you could not offer and giving a loving couple the opportunity to have a child they never would have been able to. Good luck to you. Hang in there.

Answer 2

I'm so glad that you are not considering abortion.....I honestly have 5 close friends right now that are raising their children as single moms and they are doing alright, if you want the baby and you have family or friends that you can trust that will be there to give you some "you time" every so often then it won't be so bad. I dont think you should ever try to make something work with someone that you are not in love with just for a child, the child will end up suffering in the long run if it is raised in an unhappy home....

I think you should consider how much you want a child and the people that will be there to help you, from there you can decide if adoption is right.

Please don't give a child an unhappy home, either by trying to be with someone you dont want to be with or by having the child when you don't want it.....There are so many people that would love to have a baby, that can't.

Take your time, and pray about the right thing to do and I'm sure you will make the right decision.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry to hear about your dilemma, being pregnant is hard enough without the added stress. If you no longer love the father, can you move on? Does he want to be part of the child's life without you being in a relationship? If you truly cannot care for the child on your own and feel adoption is your only option, don't feel guilty. If you don't want your bay, he/she will know it by how you treat him/her. There are so many families that can't have children, you would be providing a family for your child. BUT.... this is a permanent solution, you will not have the option of getting our baby back. If you just need time to solve your relationship issues, see if you can find a Friend or relative that is being to step up and help. Good luck.

Answer 4

It isn't cruel to consider adoption. I think that you even being open to that, knowing that you aren't ready, shows an incredible amount of courage and responsibility. In the end, you only want what's best for the baby. Is there no family that can help you through this time? How about your mother? Don't be so hard on yourself. You're admitting that you don't love the father anymore and you're being real about it. It'd be much worse to try to "fake" a relationship. I'm not really sure why you've fallen out of love with the father, but you have your reasons for it. Again, think about the baby first and foremost. Stay strong :)

Answer 5

If you don't love him you shouldn't be together. I am in a similar situation and if he is a decent person there is no reason why he shouldn't give you all the support you need and be a great father without you two being a couple.
As a child of divorced parents, and a single mother, I can assure you it is better for any child to have two happy separate parents than to grow up with two miserable people who don't want to be together and all the misery and unpleasantness that involves.
Talk to the father. It's not a decision you should have to make on your own.
I'm only 21 and I thought I couldn't cope with being a single mother, but you'll be amazed how you can adapt to any situation. I would never trade what I have for a relationship with a man I don't love.
Good luck and I really hope it works out.

Answer 6

Should you raise this child alone? Well thats not really guaranteed. Just because you don`t love the father, does not mean that he does not want to be a part of the babies life, and that you both can`t reach a degree of maturity for a mutual love for the child.

Many mothers end up doing it alone, some fathers even.

Thinking about adoption is not cruel. You will need him to agree to it as it is his child.

Adoption can be great. Imagine being in love, having everything you need and want in life except for this one child to love. You would be the person who made 3 peoples lives amazing. You could be the one person to have made their lives complete in a way only a child could.

Adoption is the hardest of the decisions. Giving away your child after caring and carrying it for 9 months is the biggest sacrifice you would make. It`s a rough decision, but it`s one that you have to make in the end for the baby, not you.

If you think you aren`t ready to be a mother, than the baby may be better off with someone who is. That`s not being selfish. But keep in mind, fears during pregnancy are normal. I hate the father of my child right now, and I am with him. I think its horomones a lot for me.

Answer 7

First of all.....
speaking from experience... When your pregnant you have a tremendous hormonal embalance. I know I did.. the first month and a half i couldn`t stand my child`s father, I didn`t want to be around him... Now he is in jail and I`m only 8 weeks...and I cry myself to sleep because I miss him... and I feel so guilty for not spending enough time with him. You can do the single mom thing...as I am and I am only 20. I am against adoption, if you look at my previous questions you can read why.... I think it`s selfish to give away your child if you are perfectly capable of raising the child your self, it takes responsibilty. THATS ALL.... If he would be against adoption then why are you considering it??? You won`t be a single parent, it sounds to me like he wants to be a part of the babies life.... Give him the chance to be a dad...

Answer 8

dont feel bad maybe its coming from the hormone change.
but if you have seen anything from your hubby or baby's father that has made you feel like this ,make it clear to him and i think the idea of a single mom is not good.you will go through lots of problems and the baby has the right to have the father beside him or her too,
make things work.being alone and breaking up is easy and doable in anytime but making up and trying to work things out and making a happy family is hard.
go see your doc and get everything off your chest.ask for a marriage advisor or if you are not married ask for help.
i am sure doc will help you.
think about bright days ,think about when your baby is 6 months old and is teething and tries to make noise and see how lovley it is to have a family around and share thoughts.
time passes very fast dear,you can always be alone and finally feel the sadness and lonliness.
BUT if there is some reason you cant stand the man or he has done something to disgust you, go a head and talk to him.
but try to communicate and use your words and make him understand what he has done.maybe he will correct himself.give him time too.

i wish the best for you.

Answer 9

Try raising the baby on your own. Staying together for the sake of the child never works out. All you are going to do is fight with the father; and noone needs to live in that household! Raising a child by yourself is hard, but it is done all the time. The bond you will have with your baby will be so healthy and strong. And hopefully at some point you will find a man that will love you and your child as his own. GL! Also, you are right; you cannot adopt the child out if he protests. So either you are going to raise him/her or he is.

Answer 10

Do not live with a man that you don't love or he don't love you just for the baby. If will never work. If you can not provide the necessary needs to rear a child , then give it to a family that can provide a loving, safe home.
Note; Young girls need to think about the care of a child before they have one, to make should the father will help care for it for the next 18 years.