Are we going to make it?

Question

My b/f and I have been dating for 18 months, lived together for 8 months. He has decided to move out.

He is under a lot of stress right now (just lost his job of 18 years, is worried about his elderly father with bad health, has regrets about not being there for his grown kids more when they were growing up, and is worried that he is a failure because he hasn't accomplished a major life goal in a creative field).

I asked him if he is ending the relationship, he said he isn't, he loves me and we will still be a couple, but he needs his own space to focus on the creative project (he is a writer, but in the past has only been able to write when living alone in his own space). He has also lost some interest in sex (still cuddles, hugs, kisses, and we do have sex, but less often) - symptom of job loss, depression?

I want to believe him, that we will be okay, but it seems like a big step backwards. I am having a hard time understanding this, but I know there is no other woman.

Answer 1

Well don't you worry, old brutal here to help it all make sense. Now frist off it is not a step backwards, tisk, tisk! Don't let what society paints for you determine your frame of mind. But he isn't handling it right, so you are right to be concerned. Lets just say frist off that he is having problems using you to help him be happy with what he has done. This is a big symptom of the raging social problem of us lossing our true purpose in life. So its good for him to actually see the problem, but bad for him to cut you out of the solution. The real problem most likly comes form your inablility to know exactly what your place with him right now is. The unfornate problem with that is that you have no clue, do you? And for me to explain it in this one answer is going to be hard, rrrrrr, but thats what I get the points for so frist off. Understand that he did mess up his purpose with those kiddos so helping him there is a goal, the fact that he beats himself up about his creative outet shows that he isn't fulling understand what his purpose in life really is. Something like that is a product of purpose not the sole purpose, with him doing that he his distrating himself from the real fix. Which is to be the best gosh darn person he can be in the lives of his love ones, that comes frist, creative output, second. So if I could get you a frist couple of steps you need to help him to realize that some reopening of channels of communication with his kids is more important then the writing. That next opening up communication with you in a way that well allow both of you to face these problems, not just him. And Third if you guys get thru those steps, do better to relate with his love ones, and help him to do the same for you. Now a better way to put it is that your goal is to become his friend, not just some lady thats his lover, which is exactly how he is treating you. Also its for him to realize that if he wants to fix his relationship with himself (his writing is all part of a instinctual need we all have to prove ourselves, to ourselves) he needs to fix the relationships he has with you and the kiddos. Nothing else matters but that, and if you can understand why thats important and how you can fix it, you'll be a very valueable asset to his life and yours.... this is complicated to explain really so if you want more information, e-mail me, or just want to talk about it, if not, good luck and if you can its better to go at this with a therapist, or one heck of a best friends, again good luck in all your endavors.