My byf & I are 7 mo strong now. We have had an up & down time, but we are very good & want to plan a future. The downs have been greater then the ups lately & decisions that have been made are not regreted but not turning out the way we would have hoped either. I do not feel as though the decisions were made in favor of our relationship & since it all started, it's been one thing after another causing my byf & I have alot less time with one another. Tonight, he's coming for dinner - something we miss doing together. It's a gorgeous day - so I want to take a walk afterwards & I know he'll like that too, but should I use this time to talk about our choices and things ongoing or do I set it aside and try and just enjoy our time together & let issues build & distance grow?
2007-05-09 06:21:09 · 31 answers · asked by martiek7 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Enjoy your time together. Don't discuss the problems tonight!
2007-05-09 06:24:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
If it were me i would just enjoy the day together. You can always talk another time and this way you can show each other how good things can really be with a little work. People make bad decisions everyday and we learn from them but we also make wonderful memorys to and if the downs have been greater than the good maybe you need to add to the good today. And i dont think your distance will grow if you spend a little romantic time just relaxing it could do some good. I wish you the best.
2007-05-09 06:32:52 · answer #2 · answered by bigmommanova 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As awesome as it would be to be able to just enjoy the walk and your time together, I would take advantage of the fact that you have some time alone with him to talk about your concerns. If you don't stop and address the issues now, then things could just get worse down the road. If you want a stronger relationship between the two of you, I would let him know what you are thinking and how you are feeling about things. I think that he will understand you bringing everything up since you two don't get to spend too much time together as it is. But I wouldn't push the subject on him. If he is not in the mood to talk about things and just wants to enjoy being with you, then drop it and address it another time. No use starting a fight over it.
2007-05-09 06:29:09 · answer #3 · answered by Waiting on Bennett Cole 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, I think you should use this quiet time together to talk.
I suggest that you bring it up solftly though.
Do not be attacking or accusing.
As you discuss, it is best that neither party gets defensive.
It is never a good idea to let issues build or for distance to grow.
If this is a relationship that both of you want to keep in the future than you need to help each other find some solid ground that will become a strong foundation.
Good luck and God bless.
2007-05-09 06:31:17 · answer #4 · answered by Cutie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can talk about these issues calmly and work things our, then you should bring them up. If you aren't sure, ask him. Tell him that there are some things you want to work our and talk about and just let if flow. If he doesn't feel it is the right time, tell him to give you a date and time and you guys can plan to sit and talk it out. You may find that having a relaxing evening is what you need.
My boyfriend and I have been together just a year but we both have children from previous marriages and find that when we get so busy that we don't' spend much time alone together, that is when we have problems. You have to make sure that no matter what else is going on that you make time for some alone time. That is when you get the chance to talk about what is going on between you and not let things build up over time. Good luck.
2007-05-09 06:28:55 · answer #5 · answered by Christina 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Enjoy the first part of your evening together in order to set a positive tone. While on your walk, try talking to him. That is clearly what you feel you need to be doing. Stay calm and be very matter of fact. This is often difficult for women but men respond best to this approach.
Give yourself a pep talk, in advance, so you will be prepared if things do not go as you had hoped. If you are going to issue some sort of ultimatum, make sure you can stick to it.
Hope it goes well.
2007-05-09 06:48:20 · answer #6 · answered by Dove 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have actually lived through this same situation, and here is my advice to you: it is natural for couples to start becoming a little strained and bickering a bit around the 7-8 month mark, and that is because it is a crucial point of a relationship. Many people think of the 8-month mark as the "point of no return," during which you become a real, established, committed couple who expects to share the future together. It is also a very common point in a relationship for things like moving in together, marriage, etc. to start getting discussed. That can be really stressful for both parties involved. Unfortunately, it causes the negative side effect of every flaw of your bf/gf suddenly being magnified by like 100 times, causing you to panic and reassess the relationship. The good news is, if you stick it out and work through your issues in a calm, non-confrontational way, you too will survive the sticky spots at this point in your relationship, and you guys should be back to your loving relationship by about the 1-year mark.
As for tonight, clearly your bf is making an effort to provide you with some much-needed quality time together, so instead of punishing him with a serious "we need to talk" talk, you sould reward him with a sweet reminder of how good it used to be- great conversation, laughter, maybe a little sumpin-sumpin, LOL. The idea is, you want him to think, "Hey, this is so much fun. I should spend more one-on-one time with her," not, "OMG, I can't believe I got out of THAT conversation alive. I won't be doing that for awhile!" I speak from experience. My long-term bf (almost 5 years now!) and I went through such a time, and it actually almost broke us up, because every time we actually did spend some time together, it turned into a nag-fest (on my part) about why can't he be home more often, how long do I have to put up with his friend living in our house, when is he going to propose, blah blah blah, nag nag nag. The end result is that he started purposely avoiding alone time with me because he knew it would end up in a fight. These days if I have an issue I bring it up at another time, not when we're supposed to be having fun. Good luck to you both.
2007-05-09 06:34:31 · answer #7 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YEp that's always a good thing, build distance and the issues will get bigger...oh boy. Communication is the biggest problems other than money people have in relationships, if you can't communicate with him on important issues now, what is it gonna be like in the future. You do not have to spend aaaallll night discussing these issues but yes bring them up let him know where you stand and then carry on with your dinner.
2007-05-09 06:27:51 · answer #8 · answered by Stacy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can enjoy your dinner and walk together and still have a meaningful conversation on your walk about issues and decisions that have been made. to plan a future together you have to discuss all desicions and issues together. me and my boyfriend have done that from the "get-go". we have shared up and downs too but because we make decisions together our relationship as grown. there will be times that not everything will be i nfavor of the relationship and that is okay. but at the end of the day your still together and you can talk about it.
2007-05-09 07:05:55 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I think timing is important, take this time to walk and talk and have fun. However, I think you should hold off on the issues at least for a day and have time to enjoy each other. After all if you keep reminding him and yourself of the bad things or issues in your relationship you are going to forget the great things and then there's only one things left for your relationship, the breakup.
2007-05-09 06:25:17 · answer #10 · answered by jay k 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems to me that your dreams (if they do come true) are losing a lot of grandeur in the process so much so that I wonder if they are not at all what you wanted from the get go.
It also seems that you two are on borrowed time. You can only analyze and talk about issues so much before you have to actualize those thoughts into real life. If that cannot be done, then the handwriting is on the wall that both have you have to move on to more prosperous personal endeavors.
2007-05-09 06:34:14 · answer #11 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋