how to let my daughter know I know she had sex for the first time?

Question

My 15 yr old wrote me a note to inform me that she had sex for the first time and is afraid that I will me mad or wont understand. she throw the note away and I found it in the trash. How do I approach her about it. Please help The young boy same age is a nice kid, comes from a broken family do I keep them away from each other or talk to them

Answer 1

I don't know where you live but it is probably statutory rape. You should tell them both that you know and that if it happens again, you will report them. You should also explain to them about contraception and disease. You can be certain that having done it once, if they liked it, they will continue no matter what you tell them.

Answer 2

I would be honest. Just tell her you saw the note in the trash and wondered what it was. Don't go to her angry or being judgemental. Be open and allow her to confide in you. There's nothing worse than having your mother talk down to you when you're already in an embarassing situation.
I wouldn't attemp trying to keep them apart. They will obviously do what they want anyway, and by you trying to prevent it, all you will do is push your daughter away. At this time in her life she should know that she can come to you about anything and ask for help if needed. Do you really want her out god-knows-where doing god-knows-what because she thinks you're going to be all over her for it? What if she ends up pregnant or something (not trying to scare you) and she thinks she can't talk to you? These are the teens that make irrational decisions because they are too scared to talk to their own parents.
You could try sitting down with both of them and having the sex talk. Go out and buy them some condoms; and no this does not mean you are supporting what they are doing but it does mean you are being smart. They've made their own choices but you can help them to be careful. Take your daughter to the doctor and get her on the pill. Discuss all these precautions with them and be willing to answer their questions if they have any. The worst thing you can do is make her feel like you don't understand her. You were her age once, try and put yourself in her shoes. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

Talk to her. The best form of birth control is good, open communication. Talk to her about her experience. Did they use a condom? Is she on the pill? You need to protect your daughter from not only getting pregnant but from all those nasty STDs out there...up to and including AIDS. Sex is a natural thing. I am dreading this subject when it happens in my household but you must be honest with her. Try to stay open. Just make sure she is being safe and smart and you have done your job as a parent. And keeping them away from each other will only make them want to see each other more. Deal with the situation up front and hopefully you won't become a young grandparent.

Good luck. Open communication is key.

Answer 4

well i would sit down and talk to her about safe sex... if shes not on the birthcontrol pills u might want to set her up an appointment... and as for keeping them apart.. come on. the more u try the more u will push them together... i told my daughter she needed to be put on the pill cause when the time is right for her she will want to be safe not srry.. no i didnt say heres some pills go have sex.. i have told her that sex is what ppl do that love each other. and unless ur ready to spend the rest of ur life taking care of a baby to be safe. and to use condoms cause there are many types of std`s.. u sound like u have a good relationship with ur daughter cause u said she wanted u to know.. just bring up the safe sex thing and see if she opens up. if not be sure she gets on the pill

Answer 5

I think you should talk to your daughter about the note. Tell her you found it by accident, and that you are not angry at her. Let her and the boy know the different methods they could use to protect themselves. You can't keep the young boy away, because they will find one way or another to have sex. Just talk to them, or your daughter at least, if you don't have a good relationship with the boy.

Answer 6

I don't think you should do either. If she threw the note away it's probably because she knew you would think of trying to keep them apart. And if she wrote a note she probably isn't comfortable talking about it just yet either.

What I would suggest is asking her if she is ready to see a doctor about birth control methods. Don't let on that you know she's already active, just say In case she decides to be, you want her to be ready.

I'm not saying that you should approve of what she is doing but what's done is done. If you try to hold her down it will only cause her to rebell

Answer 7

talk to her, she wants you to know. Let her know that she needs to be responsible with her body, and need to think about her actions. Take her to a gyn for a check up, pap and the pill. Even if you don't want her to have sex, be prepared that she probably will. Keep an open line of communication and never make her fell ashamed for what she did, that will only drive her away. And make sure she is properly supervised when she is with her bf, 15 is too young for serious dating/relationships. Good luck

Answer 8

I think that you should take the birthcontrol approach, and advice her that she @ the age where the avg. kids are having sex and you want for her to be safe and protected when and if she's having sex. Don't let her know that you know, because she'll think that in invaded her privacy, but finding the note in the trash, when she's ready she'll come to you, but don't force her.

Answer 9

definitely talk to them. 15 is young but telling them that it's totally wrong and keeping them apart will just make them want each other even more and could damage your relationship with your daughter. my mum tried to keep me apart from my guy when i was doing the same thing at 15 (he was 19) and i ended up lying to her and seeing him behind her back. teenagers can be determined! if you just talk to her calmly at least you can get a chance to mention contraception and STIs and your daughter will be much more likely to take note. i know that when my mum is ok about something i've been panicking over it makes me much closer to her. good luck

Answer 10

Talk with her offer to take her to the gyno to discuss birth control, do not try to break them up you will only set yourself up for failure and a constant battle you can not win. Time to open the lines of communication with your daughter and that includes not overeacting to what is a natural part of life.

Answer 11

I believe you need to talk to her first and let her know that you know and then talk to him and let him know and that although your not approving of them doing this at this time in their lives, that there are precautions that they need to be taking so that they won't end up becoming parents before their time. I would let them both know I am not giving you approval to have sex and just give them the real parental talk. I wouldn't leave them in places alone to give them the time to have sex or for her to entertain him in her bedroom. The would have to meet in public places and respect my home and me.