I found out that my husband was opening profiles for sex dating sites in our area. He looks at porn abiut 20 times a day. The porn part is fine..i guess...but the fact hat he opened up a personal profile & put info about him and what he wanted in a woman for sex. Said married for a year & looking for a one time sex fling in my area. include your phone #.....it got in detail personally about him self. I want to leave him because of what hes done but hes leaving for a iraq fora year and i dont want to upset him while hes there because of the dangerous mission hes on. What should i do??
2007-05-09 05:37:21 · 83 answers · asked by Baby Jack born 4/5/09 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
...and i am a great wife to him. i keep up with my body & looks and i try to satisfy him in every way....even if i didnt hes a prick. i asked him about it and he denies it...HELLO???
2007-05-09 05:38:31 · update #1
a cheater is a cheater is a cheater
2007-05-09 05:41:25 · answer #1 · answered by jason a 3 · 12⤊ 2⤋
Here is from a man's perspective... the porn sites can be fine, if YOU are okay with it. If he is up front and honest about it, and you truly dont have a problem, no big deal. Because the fact is, men are very visual. The porn may get him a little randy, but he is there with you. But going onto personals sites and looking for an affair, that is going way too far.
I understand your concern about him going to Iraq and not wanting to have him in a different state of mind instead of worrying about his mission, but the truth of the matter is, he isnt realyl in this marraige right now anyway. If he wants to go somewhere else for sex, then his heart isnt in the right place. You should leave him if that is what your heart is telling you to do... your head is saying you should stay with him until he gets back, but during that time you will be miserable and not only worried about him and his safety, but also this issue. That is a long time to have this boiling inside you. If you are concerned about how it will look to others by you leaving him right before he leaves, remember... true friends and your family will understand and suport you in anything you need to do.
Just to let you know, I am ex-military, and I served in Afghanistan... so I know what it is like to be on the front lines... if you were the one leaving him for another person, cheating, etc.... that can be upsetting. But he is the one stepping out on the marriage, and his head will be where it needs to be while he is there.
In the end, you have to do what is best for you and your happiness/mental health. Being in a relationship where there is no trust or faithfulness will be devastating on you, and waiting a year to eighteen months for this to resolve will only be worse.
I wish you all the luck on your decision, it is a hard one to have to make. But most of all, I wish you happiness.
2007-05-09 05:47:59 · answer #2 · answered by cmominee 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I would move out for a while. I don't care if he's going to leave the country for something dangerous (like the Iraq trip). His actions are degrading and disgusting, I probably can't even look into his eyes after finding out his fetish or whatever you call it.
You really should be away from your man for the time being. If you have kids, take them with you. It's unhealthy for them to be around a sex-crazed dad.
No pun intended... you asked what would I do if I were in your shoes, and that's my opinion. I'm not saying you should file for divorce or anything that drastic because I believe that in every marriage there's a stage where you face a lot of problems so I think you're handling this matter really well.
2007-05-09 05:58:49 · answer #3 · answered by Ms Ghost 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Well normally I would say a profile on a site like that doesn't mean much, but if he put his phone number in it, he was looking for more than some on-line action. Leave his ***!! Once a cheat always a cheat, even if he hasn't had the chance yet he will find it. As for Iraq, he is gone for a year, then you have a year to get his crap packed. When he walks in put him out!! Until then I would start putting some emotional distance between you and him. Last thing you need is to let it go and when he gets back let him walk all over you.
2007-05-09 05:47:54 · answer #4 · answered by akjacefinch 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
******* around behind your partner's back is a dangerous and dirty job. Obviously, that is what he likes it, so don't worry about his mission; worry about yourself. Why should you wait, faithfully, for a year for this lying cheat?
Go see a lawyer. You don't deserve this. Once a sneak, always a sneak. This has nothing to do with how well you keep yourself. It is all about his skewed values.
This may not be what you want to hear and it is probably contradictory to all of the self-sacrificing propaganda the military feeds it's wives, but they will not save you from getting a life-threatening STD. Actually, do you know that if you printed out what you found and brought it to his C.O. he would be screwed (and not in the way he had hoped)?
Adulters are actually thrown out of the military, whether they are the soldiers or their dependents. He may just get a warning since there is no proof he actually went through with it. See the lawyer, though, and not the C.O. You want him to have a source of income so he can pay child support and/or alimony. I'm not a big alimony advocate but in a case like this, where he has wasted your time, possibly your youth, with false sincerety, take everything you can get.
Call the JAG office and have them write up a legal separation. You will be provided housing, or money toward housing, etc. Get this taken care of before he goes over seas, since he will be expected to sign it. Bring a printed copy of his sex proposition when you go for your appointment.
I know this is very painful and I feel for you. I hope you will not waste anymore time where you are not appreciated. If you like military types, there are plenty of others, eager for wives...
2007-05-09 05:59:55 · answer #5 · answered by Dove 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I have been in this situation before, I as well as my husband were both in the Army, but I have been out for 2 years now.
I cant tell you what your husband is doing but if you are SURE that is his profile. Pull it up (calmly, I know that part will be hard) and ask him to come to the room your in. Ask him about it tell him you want to know why he is doing this. If he denies it to your face then, I am sorry but he's not worth it. I know what a tour to Iraq can do to you but my husband and i have been married for 3 years now and after that incident I have never had to worry about my hubby straying. Ask him what he think's he will get from someone other than you. Who knows maybe he thinks that he can find someone willing to something your not But if you dont get this issues resolved before he goes to Iraq you will worry yourself sick about it all 15 months. Thats how long tours are now. But bring this out in the open tell him you dont care if he looks at porn all day everyday but porn and a real person are two diffrent things. If he's not happy he needs to let you know, so that your not wasteing your life Loving someone who doesnt feel the same way you do. I hope it all works out for you. And no matter what other people say Once a cheater isnt always a cheater. I've never been faithful to anyone in my life except for my husband and I would never do anything to jepordize my relationship with him! Again I hope it works out take care!
2007-05-09 05:55:35 · answer #6 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Based on how you explained your problem, I can see that your really love your husband. What he has done is more than just heart-breaking for a loyal wife in love. It is soul-shattering even. My initial reaction was to tell you to just leave him but I know that is easier said than done... You know what I'd do? I'd take him back... Win him over again. After all, you vowed to be together in sickness and in health, 'til death do you part. Maybe this is just an obstacle that would make your relationship even stronger once you resolve it. For one thing, his denial MIGHT mean that he still loves you and does not want to hurt you. However, you can't deny that he thinks there's something missing in the relationship. Here's what you can do to win him back... Put on new clothes such as daring dresses and the like and spicy perfume. Seduce him again the way you did before you got married. Also, perhaps your sexual relationship has become a ritual. You can try looking for new sexual positions or anything that would spice things up in bed (a lot of magazines offer tips on how to do this). It's time to get your husband back! Remember that there is nothing impossible to a willing heart. =) I'll include you in my prayers.
2007-05-09 05:59:17 · answer #7 · answered by kriZia 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
If you're going to leave him, you need to leave him now. I understand he's going to Iraq & under normal circumstances, you'd need to stand behind your man. But he's done this NOW. Later, he'll be able to say that it was the stress & blame it on his deployment. Besides, it's for a year. If he's doing this while he's here in the states, imagine when he's away. Many ppl think nothing can be done from Iraq but i've met at least 3 people who are divorcing because the spouse cheating during a deployment. OUT there. He deserves the truth now, not when he's out there & will depend on you for support. Which may be hard to give considering his behavior. You're only human & no one expects you to shut your emotions off because he's gunna be gone. Tell him now so that he can get another person (his parents, siblings) to be his support system.
2007-05-09 05:50:55 · answer #8 · answered by judy bo-booty 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I delt with a similar situation with an ex bf. He was on a few dating sites and when I confronted him about it he said it was because our relationship wasn't great...he didn't even inform me prior to this that he felt that way. I also have to add that I was an awesome girlfriend. At the end of the day I realized that he really was looking to cheat on me and I wasn't going to have it. needless to say I moved out and dropped his ***. I think you should probably do the same. if after 1 year of marriage he's already looking for someone else...and you are satifying him daily then he's a jerk and you need to find a better guy. Don't just settle for this guy. While he's gone in Iraq organize yourself to move out and just don't let him know until he returns. A year will give you plenty of time to save for your own place and while your at it you could proceed with legal action and there won't be much he can do about it. The problem here is that your too worried about his feelings and he has a complete disregard for yours. Honey...as much as it hurts you need to move on...you'll be so glad you did because one day you'll meet an amazing guy who will be great to you. Goodluck with everything.
2007-05-09 05:48:15 · answer #9 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your husband is cheating in his mind and soon will, in reality. Sorry, but you asked.
He needs to see a professional about this ugly behaviour especially, as he's denying it when you question him. Then again, if he won't admit his failing in the marriage, he will not seek the help he requires. This is a hard thing for you to bear. If he's lying about his culpability, he will continue in this manner until he chooses to stop or not.
It's sad - ironic even, that you are concerned about his reaction to your leaving him - his having to go abroad, etc. He, on the other hand, does not seem to care about what he's doing to you and your marriage.
Someone who views porn so often, let alone at anytime, is in serious trouble. This thing distorts the reality of relationships that exist as well as those to come or, moreso, the one real relationship (marriage) which counts. The expectations are unrealistic. They are looking in on 'actors' who don't care about being on display to whomever, wherever, who think it is fun to carry on for the public.
Sex is a beautiful thing but not for pornography. That's where it becomes filthy and meaningless. That's when it becomes cheap and trashy.
You have to decide what you want to do about the entire situation - your husband, your marriage, and your future. It is easy to say leave him or stay with him and try, but you have to make the decision as to what is good enough for you. I will say this much - You deserve so much better than a mess and you must demand it. Give him an ultimatum - don't threaten anything you are not prepared to carry out. Simply let him know where you stand on this serious issue and what you want out of it; what you would like done about it. And maintain your stand.
2007-05-09 06:10:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
e a problem, no big deal. Because the fact is, men are very visual. The porn may get him a little randy, but he is there with you. But going onto personals sites and looking for an affair, that is going way too far.
I understand your concern about him going to Iraq a
2014-11-22 06:04:16 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋