Anyone else out there struggling with whether or not to breastfeed? This is my first child...?

Question

I'm due 9/3 and can't come to a final decision as to whether I want to breastfeed or not. I'm feeling a lot of pressure from friends and family to do it, but I know there are many healthy people out there who were not breastfed as a child (myself included). I can't make up my mind and I was hoping for someone I dont know to offer a little insight to the whole deal. My issues: being uncomfortable with the whole situation, pain, not wanting to pump, only having 6 weeks before returning to work, weining to a bottle, lack of rest, my husband missing out, just to name a few. However, my child comes first and want to do what is best for her, is there a middle ground at all? Am I a terrible mother for not wanting to breastfeed?

Answer 1

Of course you aren't a terrible mother, you are a wonderful mother for giving this so much thought. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

First off I just want to suggest the idea that the reason you are uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeding in the first place is out of societal pressure to bottlefeed. Several comments have suggested that there is pressure to breastfeed, yet our society, in many ways, does not support breastfeeding. I think this is the main reason that breastfeeding advocates are becoming so vocal. The good news is that this will pave the way for you to feel more comfortable breastfeeding in the future and will make fewer and fewer mothers have to struggle with this issue like you are struggling now. Don't let societal pressure make you feel guilty for considering breastfeeding or stop you from trying at all.

I will now offer up some insight based on my experience breastfeeding 5 children. Let me take each one of your concerns separately:

Being uncomfortable with the situation- To counter this you might try surrounding yourself with breastfeeding moms. I would suggest going to a La Leche League meeting. You will find information and support there too.

Pain- Pain is not a normal breastfeeding feeling. If breastfeeding was so painful then our species never would have survived. If you feel pain then seek help with a La Leche League Leader or IBCLC Lactation Consultant. Most pain issues can be resolved- poor "latch", baby is "tongue-tied", etc.

Not wanting to pump- You don't have to pump to breastfeed even if you are returning to work. You could breastfeed only while home, you could have someone bring you your baby to nurse, you could nurse your baby during breaks if s/he is close by. There are many ways to work it out. You could also give pumping a try. Like breastfeeding, you may find that it isn't what you thought it would be.

Weaning to bottle- Your husband or other caretaker doesn't need to give your milk in a bottle either. There are several other ways to feed a baby- cup feeding, syringe feeding, finger feeding, etc. Many babies, though, don't mind going back and forth between breast and bottle.

Lack of rest- That is usually par for the course with a new baby. I don't think getting up in the middle of the night to prepare a bottle is any more restful. Personally, I have co-slept with all my children and nurse them lying down at night. I can actually sleep and nurse at the same time. That goes for naps too.

My husband missing out- There are plenty of things your husband can do with your baby. Taking care of you is something important for your baby too. He can also give baths, carry the baby in a sling, and take care of toileting (we don't change diapers, we do "EC"- but that is another story!).

Finally, I just want to mention that just because someone appears "healthy" or "unhealthy" or "turned out fine" does not mean that is actually the case. There are stories in the news everyday about how unhealthy Americans are and yet much of this is not attributed to low breastfeeding rates, though that may actually be the case. Many studies on breastfeeding are done by the very companies that make infant formula, so that ought to tell you something. Consider the biggest health problems in our culture, obesity, cancer, diabetes, etc and breastfeeding reduces the chances of all of them.

Another quick point is that comments have been made about knowing that someone isn't healthy based on the fact that they sometimes get sick, well that isn't really a great indicator. How quickly a person gets better and how infrequently a common illness has complications is a better indicator. Also, you can't say because a 4 year old has "never" been sick, for example, that they won't be in the future.

Some great places to get information on breastfeeding are:

http://www.promom.org (especially look at 101 Reasons)
http://www.lalecheleague.org
http://www.kellymom.com
http://www.massbfc.org
http://www.massbfc.org/formula/index.html

Bottom line, why not give it a shot? What do you have to lose? It is much easier to start off breastfeeding then switch to formula, than it is to do the reverse.

Answer 2

Well, your not a terrible mother-you sound like you haven't really been around many women who breastfeed. maybe its all new to you and that's fine. You shouldn't feel pressured but you said you wanted to do whats best for your baby and their is no question that breastfeeding is the best. Of course the people who were not breastfeed are healthy but you don't know how much healthier they would be had they been breastfeed. Less sickness as a baby, a stronger immune system... Please do some more research and ask your Dr and the babies soon to be pediatrician. Even if you stop after 6 wks at least do it that long. You can take a pump to work with you though.
If you are uncomfortable at first its normal for some! You will get used to it and it will be the sweetest thing! Your hubby can help-you can pump and put it in a bottle. Its much easier to get up at night and just lay the baby down and feed them beside you while you lay in bed v/s getting up-making a bottle, waiting for it to heat, get back up when the baby is done eating and go rinse out the bottle! When you go out you dont have to pack bottles, formula, water. You just need a small blanket to drape over your shoulder. Its not painful.
At least give it a try-you will not be sorry. If you find you cant do it for some reason then at least you tried!
best of luck

Answer 3

You've got a lot of good answers so I'm not going to repeat...only sharing. I chose to breastfeed. A week after having the baby I got really sick....fever, congestion....the whole thing. I was worried not only being around a newborn but holding him so close while being sick. He never even got as much as a runny nose. And that was due to the breastfeeding!! SO if at the VERY least try the first few days cuz that colostrum is soooo amazing and important for the baby! I understand the worry about your husband missing out, but he will be fine. My husband still bonded with the baby just by holding him and loving him. My breast dried up after only 3 months and I can't tell you how much I miss that connection. I had to start supplementing as early as 2 weeks. My son took to the bottle easily and had no problem going from breast to bottle, breast milk to formula. Every baby will be different.
And like someone said you are going to have pain no matter what when your milk comes in and giving your little one at least a little time on the breast milk wont save you from that.
Good luck with your choice and NO it doesn't make you a terrible mother for not doing it. They make formula so advanced these days and millions of kids do fine!!
Congrats!!

Answer 4

Your not a terrible mother! You're a good mother for trying to become educated and make the best decision. I'm a breastfeeding supporter so most of my advice will be in that direction.

1. Breastfeeding is the best for your baby... everything else aside.
2. Breastfeeding is FREE.
3. Breastfeeding will help you lose weight faster.
4. Breastfeeding is easier once you get the hang of it (week or so)

Pumping is excellent middle ground for this. That is what I had to do because I was returning to work also. Pumping allows you to get more rest (it doesn't take as long), it allows daddy to be involved, you're giving the baby the most healthy milk, you don't have to wean from breast to bottle because you're already using a bottle, and you could continue once you went back to work.

I won't mislead you. Breastfeeding (pumping included) can be exhausting sometimes. It can be challenging and just plain wear you out, but it really is best.

My best advice is to give breastfeeding a try. Nurse your baby right after birth and see what its like. (Make sure you have a lactation consultant or other supporters around to help you learn the right way.) Give this a try for a couple weeks. Then if you don't like nursing your baby, try pumping for a couple weeks and see if that situation is better for you. Again give it a little bit of time until you get the hang of it.

Then you can decide if you don't like either and want to switch to formula, but in the meantime, at least you gave it a try and your baby got your milk for at least a month.

I think the biggest mistake is not trying. You never know.

GOOD LUCK!

PS - You can always ask more questions if you're curious!

Answer 5

I have breastfed and bottle fed. I can only tell you that it is something that you only get one chance at. If you don't at least try, I think you will always wonder. If your child does become ill frequently or not tolerate formula well, you could regret your decision. I personally did not have success with breastfeeding my first child, due to lack of support and information. Later, I regretted giving up early on. Even though my son was relatively healthy and grew like a weed, I have always regretted not sticking with it.

My two youngest children have breastfed the longest (one for 11 months and the other is still going at 14 months) and they are by far the healthiest of the bunch as far as ear infections, colds, stomach viruses and neither have asthma like my older two do.

You can always switch from breast to bottle, but it is much harder to try and re-lactate once you let your milk dry up. So, carefully consider your decision. The most important thing is to love that baby and do the best you can in your own situation.

Answer 6

OK sweetie, first, try to stop stressing over it. you are not a terrible mother. You are just not too familiar with it. It is a known fact that breastfeeding is best for the baby. No question there! yes, there are plenty of people who were not breastfeed who are perfectly healthy but how much healthier would they be had they been breastfeed? Then sometimes you see a breastfeed baby who is sick all the time but how much worse would they be if they were not breastfeed? All studies show the babies are healthier. there is not one study that disproves this.
If your uncomfortable at first-it will not last long! trust me! throw a blanket over you if anyone is around. If you have to quit after 6 weeks then at least your baby got it for 6 wks! any amount they get will be beneficial!

I suggest taking a breastfeeding class and talk about these issues with a lactation consultant. There are some good books on breastfeeding. One is "the womanly art of breastfeeding"

Good luck

Answer 7

No you are not terrible. Yes, breastfeeding truly is the best for your child. If you have a good lactation consultant [or just good breastfeeding help in general] there really shouldn't be any pain at all. Maybe a little tenderness but its really not much at all. As far as being uncomfortable [in public I'm assuming] there is nothing to be ashamed of. However they do make really cool covers now that you can use while nursing in public. If/when you have to start pumping, Dad won't miss out on a thing because he can take care of baby while you get a few minutes of solitude while pumping [something you will be thankful for-the only "me time" I get is on the toilet when I get up to pee in the middle of the night!]. I don't know what you mean about lack of rest...nothing will change that. Your husband can take night feedings whether you breast or formula feed. You will just have to pump for him. That said, I couldn't breastfeed so I have to formula feed & its not as convenient as some mothers make it sound. Its a pain always having to measure & mix, warm, get the right bottles [for gas], right nipples [for flow/age], having to clean everything like crazy [especially if you have Dr. Browns with all those parts!!!], having to pack it all for a day out with baby, etc. I can't tell you how many times I would have loved to just roll out of bed, whip out a boob & let my baby go or how I've I could go out with only a diaper change & my boobs when I leave the house! In the end its your decision but maybe just give breastfeeding a shot & if it isn't for you switch when you go back to work, but try to stick it out for at least just the 1st 6 weeks so your baby can still get some of that benefit from breastmilk too [there's benefit for the mother too].

Answer 8

Actually, no. I didn't struggle at all with the decision of whether or not to breastfeed. The baby had to eat, I had the best food possible for her, and so I fed her. Given all the information we have now about breastfeeding, it seemed downright abusive to give formula when breastmilk was readily available in my case. Why would I actually PAY for an inferior food? It's ludicrous.

But thus begins parenthood. You will forever be making decisions about what is best for your baby and whether or not your are able or willing to provide those things for her. You will be continually deciding whether to put your child's needs before your own and how much you are willing to sacrifice for her good. Breastfeeding was never much of a sacrifice for me, anyway. I have never once regretted my decision to breastfeed both of my children. I know that I will miss this time in their lives someday, but I will always be glad I chose to offer the best possible start to their lives that I could.

Answer 9

You can certainly breastfeed for only 6 weeks. Additionally, you can continue breastfeeding in the mornings before work and after you get home and not have to pump during the day (just supplement with formula). Plus, you will not have the issues with weaning many women and babies have by slowly tapering your milk and nursing time down. If you do it suddenly, you may need to do a little hand expression at work to keep you comfortable. After 12 weeks your body pretty much adjusts to what the baby needs and you are no longer "overfull".

The antibodies in your breastmilk will help keep your baby healthier than formula alone. And, with you being at work, you will have exposure to many germs that you will pass the antibodies on to your baby keeping him/her healthier at day care or family care.

The most important thing to do is have a lactation consultant visit with you everytime you nurse at the hospital to help you be sure you have a good proper latch (or midwife if you have a home birth). And keep in touch with the lac. consults. cause any issues you have, they will be able to offer advice or suggestions to overcome the difficulties over the phone.

It is a myth that you have to have sore nipples or swollen breasts to breatfeed. The swelling will occur whether or not you nurse and if you have a good latch, you will never get sore nipples.

Let me know if you have any questions, I would be happy to help you find the answers. Good Luck!

Answer 10

I had my first baby last September and I breastfed her for the first 6 months. Not everyone lasts that long but I would certainly try to do it for at least the first month or two. I didn't find it painful - it's a little uncomfortable, sure, but not painful. You get the most incredible feeling when you're feeding this tiny person and it's looking up at you whilst suckling. It's absolutely indescribable. Your husband will catch up on everything when you introduce bottles; if he's really that concerned he can get the baby up when it cries during the night, and settle it back down to sleep after its feed. I was incredibly lucky in that I introduced bottles to my daughter when I went to work in the evenings, 2 months after she was born. She took to it with no problems, and I could combine both breast and bottle for the next 4 months.
If you want to do what's best for your baby, give it breastmilk to start with and see what happens. Don't forget, if it's painful, it will only last for a maximum of 1 week. 1 week's pain for your child's lifetime of health is nothing to suffer. Give it a try. If you don't get on with it, switch to bottles. You're not a terrible mother, just a first timer not sure what to do!!

Good luck, hope this advice helps.