One night while sleeping. (I had a cold and took some meds) my husband had sex with me while I was sleeping. I have not been able to get over this. We are currently seperated and I am thinking of divorce. I am in counseling and on depression med. There are other things in the relationship that are problematic. IE: bills, trust. I know in my heart I should move on. This is marriage #2. Any advice? Thoughts?
2007-05-09 05:21:26 · 31 answers · asked by sadgirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
obviously there are some underlying issues other than this. i would suggest marriage counseling. it sounds like he is either unhappy with the amount of sex he gets from you so he has to wait till you are out of it, or possibly he has a sexual fetish that has obviously become unhealthy since it is something that is now damaging your relationship. why not give it a chance rather than just throwing it all away?
2007-05-09 05:27:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 5⤋
For crying out loud....he's your husband...or at least was at that time! Not some intruder that broke into your house and walked in your bedroom in the middle of the night and forced himself on you!
Would you rather he had gone into the other room and gone on line to a porn site instead? He finds you attractive even when you are ill! That can be taken as a compliment.
While I will say that his behavior was insensitive, he had a legal and moral right to be in the bed next to you that night.
You said it--that "there are other things in the relationship that are problematic". I think that's the real issue and you need to concentrate and deal with that in therapy.
If this is marriage # 2, it may be time for you to spend some time alone, and not jump so quickly into a relationship or marriage. Think about yourself and what you really need and are looking for in a man. Don't settle for less.
Until you are happy with yourself, you can't really offer yourself to others and be happy.
I do wish you the best, and I apologize if I have offended you with my honesty.
2007-05-09 05:37:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
OK so the ignorance on here is so ridiculous it is amazing. OK sex is for two willing and knowing participants. If you are woken by your husband or lover great, but not be taken advantage of while you are out of it on meds. Most of us have been out of it with a cold and taken some cold medicine to get some sleep. NyQuil puts me out, doesn't mean I have a drug problem. And don't. I don't even drink.
You need to sit down with your husband and explain to him that you do feel violated and why. you both need counseling together to get through this. He needs to understand that you now have a boundary, that he can no longer do this unless he has full participation from you. Communication is so important for a marriage. the bills and such are going to be more of an issue now because you have another huge issue, you can work through the other issues after the boundary issue has been met. He may have not realized that you would not be OK with this act. a lot of people would be OK with it (as most of the people responding to your questions) so you may need to give him the benefit of the doubt and try to work this out but give him the boundary of full participation on your part or no go. and start from scratch so that the two of you can start to enjoy and have a health sex life again.
~Goddess Bless~
2007-05-09 05:43:54 · answer #3 · answered by Goddess Bless, Lisa 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I have to say, I need a few more details...
Did he by chance think you were all for it? I mean seriously I have a friend who takes flexeral at times and sleeping pills and she hits him up and doesn't remember doing that when she wakes up.
If you are going to divorce him over something like this then he is probably better off.
2007-05-09 05:41:36 · answer #4 · answered by Havanah_A 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If my partner had sex with me whilst I was asleep, it honestly wouldn't bother me however, it bothers you alot...leave the marriage if you can't get over it.
I'm sure he wasn't trying to hurt you or be disrespectful to you. You are his wife and he probably figured it wouldn't bother you...
Communicate your feelings to him and see if this can be worked out, or move on....you have alot of other issues going on here as well.
2007-05-09 05:59:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you were so far gone from the meds that you had no control to tell him to get off of you, then you either OD'ed or you need to contact the pharmaceutical company! It seems that there may be some underlying issues that surfaced due to this.....seek counseling for yourself and try to work past this. I am sure he feels like a real **** knowing how you feel, and didn't mean to hurt you this way. Talk to him....communication is key!
2007-05-09 05:26:34 · answer #6 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Ok, yeah, it is kind of creepy. But if you are in counseling and on depression meds because of it, that's even creepier. Chill, honey. There's enough stuff in this life to have to worry about. This ain't one of them.
2007-05-09 05:54:13 · answer #7 · answered by Mel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That;s your marriage number 2? What happened to marriage number 1?
Maybe you husband took advantage for tha lack of it. Relationships will always be problematic anmd woman, you need to realize that it takes two to tango. Divorce is not always the answer.
Some people alwasy fail to look at the word COMPROMISE. There are needs that couples need to fulfill on their partners. Most of the time, it takes sensitivity to both sides.
2007-05-09 05:29:26 · answer #8 · answered by LIA 2 · 4⤊ 3⤋
My husband is very stressed right now so our sex life is nonexistent so I would take it anyway I could get it! Hopefully I'd wake up during, so I could enjoy it! LOL
2007-05-09 05:34:58 · answer #9 · answered by Marygoroun(d) 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
yes,,,,lol...u are his wife...so what if u had sex with him...isn't this a part of marriage afterall...possibly he could have been more attentative while u were awake...but still..u are his wife...however, if this bothers u so much or quite possibly this is just the excuse u need END THE MARRIAGE--only u can decide
2007-05-09 05:38:05 · answer #10 · answered by sunbun 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey puleeeeeze...thats your husband! My husband doesnt care if Im dead tired, sleep, cooking...they want their wives! As far as the things you are dealing with, I dont know if you are a spiritual person, but I encourage you to seek the Lord for healing in those areas of mistrust. My husband suffered from it and it caused alot of stress in our marriage but I found the strength through God to persevere and he is better now. Bills, honey, bills dont go away. I can only say what has worked for me, as a christian, but when I stopped worrying about bills and said Lord, you know what our need is. You said in Your Word that You would not see the righteous forsaken or their seed begging bread". When we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our heart...which is peace, lasting love, freedom from worry...all that. Dont divorce...get on your knees and ask God to come into your heart and show you the way out of this bondage.
God bless~
2007-05-09 05:32:35 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋