Do you regret it? Do you deserve forgiveness from your spouse and why? Are you willing to put up with the bad days your betrayed spouse may have? What would you say to the other party concerned if they have caused bigger problems for your marriage after the affair came to light? And last but not least...how long do you thing your spouse deserves to get over "it" enough to try and move on and not throw it up in your face during arguments?
****NO I DID NOT CHEAT, NOR DO I INTEND TO******
2007-05-09 01:25:50 · 9 answers · asked by Nothing but the truth...!! 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Roze, I am so sorry you have no faith in anyone especially yourself. Do you not think you are strng enough person to handle this? I know its hard, and thank God I am spiritual, because my way of thinking is this....God allowed his only son Jesus Christ to die for ALL of OUR sins...so that we may be forgiven...well I do not know about you but I am NO GOD so if he can forgive, who am I to deny someone MY forgiveness? As long as they ask God for forgiveness then thats really all that matters, so why not try to salvage a relationship you have with your spouse and try to forgive? It makes you a much better and stronger person. And it makes your marriage stronger if you are able to overcome. Not all couples can, but damnit I am going to give it my best...why...because I KNOW HE LOVES ME...he just made a mistake...and you know what...he is human...we all make mistakes. To err is human...to forgive divine! Happy to say I hope to be completely divine after all of this. And if not...I tried!!!
2007-05-09 04:29:35 · update #1
Speaking as a friend, and you know who I am, hun, I agree with the person that said it should never be thrown in his face during an argument that has nothing to do with the affair. Now, I also know your situation, and I also know that lately (last 24-48 hrs has been nothing but about it, so its tough.) Like I should talk, though, right...lol....Yah, I have read enough books and literaure about it to know that the affair should never ever come up ever ever again. WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE GET THIS SH*T? Its like thanks for the advice, now any advice on HOW to get there? LOL We'll talk later, I'm sure....Take care
2007-05-09 01:44:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
ok well here was my sitiuation. My wife cheated on me within the first 2 yrs of marriage. I was out of the country and we had been together almost 4 yrs.. 2 dating...2married. I never really knew what caused that though. She said she was very sorry and i was just crushed. I tried and tried to get over it. I really did. For years this went on and i really know now i should have left her then however, i still loved her and wasn't going to give up on my marriage. So i tried to work on it. We got pregnant so life seemed to be good. We bought new house and for about 3 years everything seemed fine. Yes we had our arguements but they were just that. We knew where each other stood for say. I started looking at things that was going on with her. Something just wasn't right. So i started looking deeper and asked if she was running around. Course she said no but i always had the feeling she was. And truthfully she was but i didn't find out until i left her 3 years later and the guy came up to me in Walmart to appoligize. Anyways then when i felt she was cheating she actually moved out for almost 3 mths and took my daughter with her. For 2 months i didn't talk to them very much but i was still there! I started getting lonely and i met someone. All of a sudden when i was on a business trip she moved back in without me knowing. So this was the 2 nd time i took her back. I dropped the person i was seeing vowing i would never do that again. We had a second child about a year later. So i thought things were back together. Little did i know about 2 years after that she started sleeping with my best friend. I'd had enough. It was bad enough that i had taken an eye for an eye the previous time she cheated and we had tried to work it out so the next time i was done. I got everything on tape and filed for divorce. I wasn't the a.s..s hole i should have been but it effected me lots. It's been 2 yrs since the divorce. And trust me the feelings are still there but i have just got to where i could date again and give someone a chance. This time it will be different. I know what to look for in a person i do believe.
2007-05-09 09:16:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I just want to address one part of your question, the "last but not least" part. I'm not saying a person should get over it immediately, but the offended spouse should *never* throw it up in the offender's face during arguments. Never, not even for one day. The offended person should argue about it, cry about it, complain about it, question the other about it, and confront the offender about it as much as he or she wishes while in the long process of getting over it. However, when arguing any other topic, the discussion should stick to that topic alone, and the cheating should not be brought up during an argument about anything not related to it. This is one of the rules of fair fighting, and you're not going to improve your marriage if you don't learn how to fight fair.
2007-05-09 08:35:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
What a strange way to word deserce to get over it. You jerk as long as it takes and maybe that will be forever. You broke the trust you destroyed what that persons view of your love story. You had so little respect of the person you loved to go screw someone else. Know your saying time deserved. You do'nt deserve that other person and you should thank god everyday that there even giving your sorry butt a second chance.
2007-05-09 08:36:59 · answer #4 · answered by michael g 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Its not possible to forgive and forget no matter what anyone says. It will always come up even if there is counseling involved once u hurt someone in such a matter the trust has been compromised and nothing can be done to repair this. When something like this happens the only thing that can be done to repair is divorce/break up.
2007-05-09 11:14:38 · answer #5 · answered by memyslf&I 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
well no one has a time limit to "get over" such a hurtful thing. as far as the other party is concerned, well you shouldn't of trusted them to begin with, remember they were part of the affair and the lies and betrayal too....I haven't had an affair but both my parents did, they worked thru it somehow and has been married over thirty years, I saw the pain and lived it. affairs are only fun until somebody gets hurt, and someone always gets hurt
2007-05-09 08:36:54 · answer #6 · answered by justwondering 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
cheating sucks no matter if its justified or not,i cheated on my husband once...admitted the same day and dealt with the consequences for the remaining 5 years of our relationship.....meanwhile his alcohollism got worse,and he still had no job and he wanted to drink with his friends over being with me at least 6 days a week. I cheated again and had an actuall affair and fell in love, i left my husband and he NOW sees the error in his ways and admits to pushing me away...and he has a good job and almost quit drinking,but it was all just to late. I still care about him immensly cause we have a beautifull daughter,and for years thats why i stayed. i was willing to put up with forgivness mode and backlash for a while but after a year it was just to much. ok well im yammering hope this helps. Cheating is never good ....i just got lucky finding my soul mate by cheating.
2007-05-09 08:41:44 · answer #7 · answered by mizz_beotch1982 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
my EX husband cheated...he said he did it because he was "bored"... after i found out about the affair, i made him leave and filed for divorce, i knew i could not trust him again... he immediately wanted to re-concile, tho i didnt...
he regrets it
and i am MUCH better off
2007-05-09 08:35:25 · answer #8 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
my husband cheated on me so i left 16 years ago if there is no trust there is no love
thats when i was done
2007-05-09 08:32:42 · answer #9 · answered by ~~ANGEL45SWEETY~~ 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋