I'm divorcing my husband due to his lack of physical affection toward me. He never touches me and we never have sex. This has been an almost ten year marriage. I've tried everything and he always has an excuse.
I'm exhausted emotionally and physically. I sometimes feel as if I will never have the love I need in my life.
What are some good tips to get through all of this? I feel starved for affection, but I don't have another relationship waiting in the wings. Where do I start again? Should I remain alone and learn to like it? I'm tired of hurting emotionally.
2007-05-09 00:59:07 · 13 answers · asked by wayouthere 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm 43 years old
2007-05-09 01:34:23 · update #1
I've been in your shoes and feel your pain. First, know this. You WILL find love - as impossible as it may seem right now. During my divorce (and even now - it was final in January) I knew I could not live with the pain, depression and guilt so I saw my doctor and he put me on Antidepressants. It has done wonders for me. I make sure I go out with my girlfriends on the weekends and when I am feeling down I remind myself that I was much more lonely and unhappy when I WAS married. Most importantly, you need to remind yourself that you DESERVE to be happy. Try not to let what other people say influence and make you feel guilty. It's your life and you only live once. It's not easy. My kids and I are still in therapy and we take it one day at a time. And guess what, I met someone almost a month ago and for the first time I see sunshine. Take care, recognize that you are a good person and you are doing what you need to do.. I wish you the best in life! :)
2007-05-09 01:25:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the marriage is really over, and it sounds like it is, just put all your efforts and concentration into getting through it. Are there close (female) friends or family members who can be your support group? I presume so, so lean on them. Let it out.
To have a marriage in which one wants a physical relationship and one doesn't is destined to end. Total celibacy simply isn't possible in most marriages.
It sounds like you gave it your best shot. When it's finally over, you WILL be relieved.
You probably already know what most of us will say next...please don't be so starved for affection that you move from one mistake into another one. You know what I mean.
Odds are you won't be alone indefinitely. You may find that once you're "free", lots of things (and people) will look differently to you. You don't have to aggressively pursue a relationship. Take your time, learn to be single again and enjoy some of the things that that may imply, at least for a while.
Let your head and heart work together to take you into this next phase of your life. You'll be fine!!!!!
Very best of luck to you.
2007-05-09 08:18:13 · answer #2 · answered by boomerdude 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont know how old you are, but a woman's prime time, when she is more likely to enjoy sex and effection is between her 30s to 40s after menopause it degenerate. Your husband is not inlove with you for a very long time and you are the patient type God bless you. but dont waste your time get into the dating scene you will meet a loving, warm, and caring person that will take care of you. Dont remain alone you will regret it when you are older, it can get really lonely then. You are 43 years.
You have wasted your 30s in this marriage. Change your wardrobe, buy more cosmetics, nice perfume, do your hair. start reading a book. Visit open places alone and enjoy life. create a self esteem for yourself. God knows you deserve it.
2007-05-09 08:26:46 · answer #3 · answered by mari 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi!
I guess this is the part you never thought of. You didn't knew that there will be times when you will feel bad, empty , not worthy. ...
Yeah, but that is a part of a recovering process. You have to admit to yourself that you are alone and not with your husband anymore.
I know it sounds depressing, and maybe you wonder did you do the right thing.
Right now everything seems so messy , but after a while you will taste the pleasure of being yourself.
In a recovering process it is good to date someone, just to make you feel better and wanted. It doesn't have to be an relationship, just stick to some guy who gives you compliments...and you will feel much better.
And the best part is that time heals all wounds. You will the see light of the tunnel soon.
I wish you luck in finding your true happiness.
God bless you.
2007-05-09 08:13:33 · answer #4 · answered by Aquamarine 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Take time for yourself to recharge. Do things you want to do and you enjoy doing.
You don't have to "learn" to like being alone, but you probably should learn to at least be able to survive being alone. The affection you desire has to be given freely by someone and not as a pitying or sympathetic affection but true genuine affection for you as a person. I believe it will be tough to find that if you don't value yourself as an individual and if you aren't able to stand on your own two feet. I'm not saying it's impossible by any means, but get right with yourself first and good things will follow.
Also you might try focusing on helping others for a while too. That seems to be very therapeutic.
2007-05-09 08:19:51 · answer #5 · answered by btpage0630 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take care of yourself first before you try to get re-involved. Sharing some time with a therapist would be a great start. You need some help to find yourself again, feel good about yourself again, and get back on track. Then you will have a better chance of having a new relationship. Good luck.
2007-05-09 08:58:54 · answer #6 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You start by figuring out--if you can--how you wound up in a loveless marriage. Then when you get tired of that, you start by trying to improve yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Join a gym, find some new interests and cultivate them, dive deep into your own psyche and discover the things you did to create so much resentment and disinterest that your last mate didn't want to touch you anymore, and then learn to cultivate affection. Study character: integrity, self-control, humour, flexibility, and confidence. Those are key positive traits. Do you have them?
2007-05-09 08:06:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you should not remain alone and learn to like it. You are the type of person who needs someone in there life. A companion. My suggestion is to finalize the divorce adn hit the dating scene again.
2007-05-09 08:04:28 · answer #8 · answered by Mike 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to find a new man with a huge c o c k so you can have it when ever you want. You can hold it, kiss it, lick it , suck it, and have it inside of you. Then everything else will fall into place.
2007-05-09 08:10:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Never depend on someone else to make you happy. If you do, you will never have peace of mind.
2007-05-09 08:15:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋