2007-05-09 00:04:24 · 27 answers · asked by Amy E 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Chairs
2007-05-09 00:10:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I live in the rich people's capital, Las Vegas. I looked in the yellow pages, and counted 121 tanning salons! That's right. 121 different tanning salons are active right here....in the desert. Most people I know here struggle to find good paying jobs, and now I know why. The rich are clueless.
"Honey, I think I should open up my own business so we can get ahead."
"What will you do, dear? You know you don't want to go outside in Nevada or you'll get a sunburn."
"That's it, honey!! I know! I'll build A TANNING SALON!!"
Imagine the bimbos walking in there, too proud to tan with us blue collars. I'd love to stand outside and teach them how common sense works.
"Excuse me, ma'am....before you go in, I'd like to show you how to save money. Okay, position yourself right in front of the tanning salon door. Now, take three steps back. RIGHT ON! YOU'RE TANNING! WOW!!"
Invariably, I will get arguments from those who just won't conform. "I want to get an even tan."
Okay....roll over! That's free too!
The hardest argument to refute so far I've heard is, "what about the winter?" Right. Let me get this straight. You want to look natural, so in the dead middle of winter you're supposed to be looking bronzed. What, getting too close to the fireplace??
Do people really think they have to have a tan for Christmas? I suppose these special folks want to snow ski in June, too? Why do the affluent want to buck mother nature so badly? Is this a rebellion against all mother figures? Maybe that's why these kinds buy fancy sugar-free boysenberry pancake syrup in a purple glass from Latvia instead of ol' Aunt Jemima.
These are the same people that set their thermostats 20 degrees HIGHER in winter than they do in summer. Maybe THAT'S why there's global warming. What is the genius purpose of this? You would think anyone would ask for a set temperature to target all the time. Oh, no! Not this bunch. 80 in winter and 65 in summer. What ever happened to the Four Seasons? No, not Christmas, Easter, Independence Day and Halloween! Jeez!
Wonder what the thermostat setting is inside the Las Vegas tanning salons?? Yeah. Only this group could buy a book called Word Search for Idiots. The rest of us are busy. Good luck, and call me when you get stuck.
2007-05-09 08:14:22 · answer #2 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well... I could say this joke to you!!!
Dear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the
beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's
worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a
new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and
bullshit with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since
our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and
hints that I may be a Lesbian.
What should I do?
Signed, Clueless
Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore.
You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one.
2007-05-09 07:10:47 · answer #3 · answered by Morgan 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sphininkter
2007-05-09 07:07:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fliberty-gibbit
2007-05-09 07:10:31 · answer #5 · answered by LordSpud 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Today be my baby girl 18th birthday. I be so glad that dis be my
last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all
dose payments! So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my
house, and when she get here, I say, "Baby girl, I want you to take dis
check over to yo momma house and tell her dis be the last check she
ever
be gettin' from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the
'spression on yo mama face."
So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma. I be anxious to
hear what she say, and bout the 'spression on her face. Baby girl walk
through the door, I say, "Now what yo momma say 'bout that?" She say
to tell you that "you ain't my daddy" ... and watch the 'spression on
yo
face"!!!
2007-05-09 07:19:11 · answer #6 · answered by aMUSEd 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there was a blond and she died her hair red. Then she went to a farmer and said If I can guess how many sheep you have can I have one? The farmer says sure. She guesses 12 and then the farmer says ok you can have one. As she starts to walk away he says if I can guess you natural hair color can I have my Dog back?
2007-05-09 07:12:54 · answer #7 · answered by Kiddo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That I am a legend in my own mind... Sadly enough I believe it to be true... Two laughs for the price of one.
2007-05-09 08:01:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
1st smile ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,then think of the last dumb thing you saw on of your friends or fam do that made them laugh 2 ,,,ie a child accidently spraying themselves with a hose for the 1st time and liking it
2007-05-09 07:23:57 · answer #9 · answered by txtx 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm... How 'bout red-@ssed Baboon?...no, no, no, wait...I got it!! Monkey muffins!!, Yeah! That's the ticket...Some good ol monkey muffins! Mmmmmmm Mmm!!
2007-05-09 17:48:43 · answer #10 · answered by chris j 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋