Im 15 and i think i have bad problems. Im scared. What am i going to become?

Question

Before i start all flames will be ignored completely...besides im probly going to hell anyway so dont bother saying it.

Serious advice only...


Im a teen in school and i am very smart, good at sport, i have almost no friends and im pretty lonely and depressed. i have had a rough upbringing i dont have a dad and my family treats me pretty rough. I was sexually abused for about 3 years from my sister and her boyfriend who was about 18 whjile i was about 9.

As i said i have almost no friends exept 1. His my best friend and we are very close .. One difference is that he is only 10. I feel bad that i have no friends but lately he has made me happy about life. We spend all day everyday together after school and on weekends. People think its wierd why would i hang around with him but i do because i think i like him more than i should. Im worried that im both gay and worse? I really love him now is it because i am lonely and depressed or is because i am gay and a bad person?

I need help

Answer 1

For cripes sake, everyone is going on about the 5 year age gap between you and your young friend. first up, you have taken the initiative by posting your trouble on this site, sharing what is deeply plaguing you, secondly, by no way are you evil or such, the only advice that I can really give you is this, have you thought about talking of the abusive aspects of your life with either of or both his parents, and explain to them how he has become your security blanket and only close source of a caring person. They may be able to give you some guidance and help you along the way, and your friendship can continue and prosper. It is one hell of a battle that you face, but believe me you will succeed, you will never forget what happened to you, but with strong determination and will power ( which you obviously have ) you will utilise the hurt you have endured and make sure that you don't do this to you friend. But do give having a chat to his parents a try, it may open up a whole new venture for you.
I wish you the very best of luck in your attempts and hope that you win over all, and remember that you have taken a major step in trying to resolve what is troubling you, by putting on this site, keep going forward and don't give up. Be proud of the fact that you have sort to resolve you upheaval, and you hav e plenty of friends on this site that will gladly help you where possible, NO matter what age they are. I salute you for your determination.

Answer 2

I was 16 when I found out I was pregnant and my boyfriend at the time was 19. My mom was mad at me but she eventually got over it. Now she is in both of my son's lives and she's one of the only people that I can count on. About the abusive relationship... I've been there so I know exactly what you're going through. I wouldn't be alone when you tell him that you are pregnant just in case he goes nuts. And let him know that you aren't going to put up with his attitude and if you have to you will leave no matter what. If you let him think that it's ok to act the way he does then he won't stop. Remember actions speak louder than words so if you tell him you will leave him then do it and quit giving in. They always say oh i'll never do that again i'm sorry... but it always happens again and again. Since you are so young you might even consider adoption. MILLIONS of couples wait to adopt everyday and could possibly give the baby a better life.

Answer 3

you are just a very lonely young man who has survived a lot to be so young. And no it is not bad to be lonely when you are not with your only friend and feel so unloved and unwanted by your family. Have you thought of seeing about getting into a mentoring program or a youth group. That way you could make more friends and in most of both kinds of groups there are kids that have had similar problems to you. I would also suggest that you talk to your school conselor about getting you into conselling for having be molested by your sister and her boyfriend because that can leave quite a bit of psychological damage to a young person such as yourself. Also if you are gay that is not a bad thing, that is how god made you and God loves all of his children. I am not a bible thumper by any means but I do believe in God and know that he would not create something that he would hate. From the way that you talk I am thinking that you can't tell your mom about what your sis and her boyfriend did to you and you are worried that if you did, your sister would say that nothing like that happened and your mom would believe her over you. For that I am truly sorry. You seem like a great kid and if you don't feel like you can go to a school conselor if you do go to church talk to you priest or even if you don't go to a church and find a priest to talk to. He can't say one word to anybody, he must keep what you tell him to himself and he will do what he can to find ways of helping you with your problem. More and more churches are recognizing that homosexuality is genetic and for that there is nothing that can be done and are accepting that this is the way that God made people and are accepting them. The priest will help you get any kind of help that you need to deal with your problems. I wish you the very best of luck.

Answer 4

First, gay and a bad person don't go hand in hand. I'm gay and I'm a great person, I pay taxes, give to causes, even make a donation to the food bank every week, and I like to make people smile, it's important to me that people are happy. To say that I'm bad because I'm gay is ludicrous, and false. The 2 don't go hand in hand.

Now as for the rest, first you haven't given enough information for me to even guess your sexuality at all. I say give it time, things will become more clear as time goes on.

I'm more worried about the sexual abuse, sounds like it's still with you, like you never really deep down dealt with it. So I want you to stop by a counselor's office the next time you're at school, ask to see a counselor, then ask the counselor if it's fully confidential what you tell them. If not, ask for a referral to someone who can help you that is confidential. If they are, then tell them you need to deal with childhood sexual abuse issues, and ask if they're able to handle that or if it must be done elsewhere. If they can deal with it there, then talk to them, tell him/her what happened, how it made you feel, and so on. If you get a referral just go to it and do the same thing.

Keeping this inside doesn't help you to heal, which you need. You need to get past being a victim, and to the point of reclaiming your life.

This is my very serious advice to you, you need to get help, don't let this consume you, you sound like a great guy, you deserve a good life, you have the greatest of potential and this is standing in your way. Get help to get through it.

I really wish I could help you more, but I'm not able to give counseling or therapy, so go to someone who can.

The next time you're at school just go in, don't worry what they'll think, they're not allowed to judge you, and noone will, because this wasn't your doing.

So get help from someone who can definitely help.

Answer 5

first if you are/decide your gay that does not make you a bad person.

second being 15 don't rush into anything whether gay or not. you've got time, so take that time and decide what you want or need to do.

third. as much as i think you are too young to rush think of just how young he is and how much things at that age can impact the rest of his life as it sounds like you know that lesson first hand.

and finally don't let what happened to you run your life... it's something that should never be allowed to happen and has undoubtedly made a lot of things very hard on you but just remember you run your own life. I know how it can suck not having friends or ppl to talk to but there are always ppl you can talk to, you just have to look for them.. even if it's on a place like this. sometimes just venting out a lil frustration or something can help even.

Answer 6

Your attachment to him is most likely due to the harsh circumstances of your life thusfar. I must say I feel for you, however it is very likely that the isolation you feel is imposed by yourself because you feel "different". Many sexually-atypical people feel accutely unique and alienated from their peers starting from the earliest ages, it may be because of this that you are isolatory and confused in the first place. Here's the thing though, even if your attraction is springing from your lonliness, if this person is what you need to feel happy, who is anyone to tell you that this is wrong? You don't need logic or labels to love someone. Please buck up, as you grow older you're going to realize that people just LOVE to try to tell others what is wrong and right, people totally get off on making others feel guilty and inferior about things. Nobody really knows the answers, and often people's logic behind what makes something "wrong" is paper-thin. Don't live your life seeking everyone else's approval, because it may not seem like this to you now, but even if you become the most straight-arrow heterosexual assertive corporate ladder-climbing ideal human being, there's still going to be people trying to bring you down and make you feel flawed. Don't let them. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON.

Answer 7

You seem to deny 'religious' things on one hand, then ask about religious things as if they carry weight with you on the other hand. I think that you are like me, or at least before I became saved. You are cought in the middle. You know what happened to you wasn't your fault, but you still carry guilt around, don't you?

My father is dead. But before he died I was about 8 when he tried to sodomize me. He had, I found out later, been having sex with my sister regularly after church. After my grandparents took my sister and older brother to care for them, he began molesting my brother regularly. I was the youngest. So my time came later, and it was brief.

As I got older, I noticed and the kids at school noticed that I was different. Was it because I was born Gay? Or was it becaise I was made that way, I don't know. One thing is for certain, my 'formative years' were in the prescence of a sexualized atmosphere.

I now consider myself Bisexual. I like women more than men, in fact men regularly turn my stomach. But it isn't as simple as that. Because like you I am torn between what I was turned into, and what I want.

I have IM and e-mail if you want to talk about this stuff. I think that we both had similar things happen, and since you are younger, perhaps I can help you.

You are only a bad person as much as anyone else. If God is the focus, we are all bad and need Jesus Christ. He's the friend of those who think bad things about themselves. Those are the people who really mean it when they say it. It drove me to repentance. And that's enough of that right now.

Tell me if you want to converse. I will listen to you, okay?

Answer 8

sexual abuse at any age is very traumatizing you should talk to a professional about it and get some help dealing with the emotional trauma of it. You may not realize just how emotionally scarred it can make you but over the years it will manifest itself if left untreated. You might just be lonely and glad to have such a good friend who understands your pain and wants to help you through it, it doesn't make you gay if you care about him, but when you start wanting to kiss him or something like that then that might be considered gay. You really should get some help with what you have been through and what you are going through no one on here can tell you what to think or what to feel and how to deal with such issues only a qualified professional can help you sort all this stuff out. I wish you all the best of luck. -James

Answer 9

I'm sorry to read what you've experienced
Bieng gay isn't bad.
It could be that you are alone enough to papreciate any friend, it may not be anything else
Why will you go to hell?when it's the abusers who belong in hell
People can be very judgemental about what others do which can be a major problem

Answer 10

first off, you're not a bad kid, and you're not going to hell. having a 10 yr old for a friend is not age appropriate. however, i understand why. he feels safe to you. you were violated at a very tender age by someone who should've known better, and should've been protective of you. your trust was totally shattered. the age at which you were molested, is pretty close to the age of your friend. some of your emotions were stunted.

please keep your love of your friend on a "friend" level. you don't want to do anything that will cause him to go through what you are living with now--emotionally. he deserves protecting, just like you deserved it. i would highly suggest that you start reducing the amount of time you spend with him.

you need to go for therapy in order to heal your soul and understand the dynamics of molestation and how it has effected your life. you may or may not be gay...it's nothing to be ashamed of. learn to love and accept yourself. life can and will get better. call your local mental health youth services, or talk to a teen hotline, or school counselor.

what will become of you? you can become a healthy person who cares about the welfare and protection of children.