A friend has moved in with my partner and me for a few months (I'm pregnant and she's moving out before the baby comes), and we're having problems. She's just very thoughtless and immature, not purposefully hurtful, but this has to stop.
The issues aren't huge: leaving trash around the house, leaving the shower curtain open (the floor, towels,and reading materials get soaked), leaving electronics (lights, TV, and high AC) on when she leaves the house, staying on our home phone for HOURS when we're not home (no call-waiting; have missed important messages because of this).
We're trying to help out a friend in need, but we feel she is taking advantage of our kindness by being so thoughtless. We try to be fair: we charge only $200 a month for rent, utilities, and internet use (she has a cell phone; our home phone isn't included). I've asked her to stop, and she apologizes, but she just doesn't think of our feelings or property long enough to change. What else can we try?
2007-05-08 20:25:23 · 15 answers · asked by grayhare 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Oops, somebody said something about talking about it with my parents...I'm an adult with my own house! Sorry, maybe I wasn't clear.
2007-05-08 20:46:00 · update #1
She will continue to take advantage if you don't give her guidelines and consequences. Sit down, talk about the issues, give her a time frame to clean up her act, and be prepared to give consequences if she doesn't change. She may see that you are serious, and then she'll change. She may not change. Either way, you're not really helping her if you allow to walk all over you. Force her to take responsibility. Apologies without change are just words.
2007-05-08 20:33:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
As the main occupant of the property, you ought to prepare a list of the house rules for the tenant to adhere to. Focus only on the major things which will waste energy unnecesarily and habits that you strongly feel ought to be improved upon in your house. Get the support of your husband on this.
When this list is prepared, sit down together with the tenant to discuss the list and get her to concur with you. Be prepared to change any of the rules if the tenant feels it is unfair to her. At the same time, she may have something else to add to the list. Accept if is a fair request.
Once this list is agreed upon by both parties, then there has to be penalties imposed if they are flounted.
Eg: If AC is left on without anyone aroiund, then the additional electrical bill has to be penalty.
On the other hand, if you feel that you are prepared to live with it till she moves out, then do so!
Hope this helps.
2007-05-08 20:48:21 · answer #2 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well clearly she's taking advantage of your kindness maybe you need to talk to your parents and you guys have a meeting with her and tell her how you feel or make some house rules and some limitations that will be followed and if she doesn't follow them give her warnings and then kick her out. Before it get's hectic plus you're pregnant you don't need a grown up to give you stress before even your child is born.
2007-05-08 20:40:04 · answer #3 · answered by prifik 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit her down and tell her that she is not being very considerate of you and your partner. Tell her that she will need to find a place of her own if things don't change immediately. Tell her that you are not trying to be mean, but the things that she is doing has made you and your partner's life more complicated, and that you are beginning to argue over these things. Tell her that you realize that she needs help and you do care very much about her, but if it is going to cause you and your partner difficulties, it is better she leave before it destroys your friendship with her.
Be specific about what is occurring. She may not realize that she is doing all of the things that you are concerned about.
2007-05-08 20:37:13 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am afraid you are being taken for a ride, a friend she my be but enough is enough. If I were you I would ask her to leave, give her a weeks notification. Say you are sorry but we can no longer accommodate you any longer. As much as we would like you to stay the disruption to our lives it's just not on.Or something of the nature. It's your home not hers and to take advantage of you kindness is just not on. it's BY BY and go find someone else to sponge off. SORRY.
Dr Knowitall.
2007-05-08 20:35:56 · answer #5 · answered by coofooman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her frankly that if she doesn't change her habits she has to move out. Get her to pay her share for the phone calls and electricity. You can see the difference in the bill before she was staying with you and after.
Your friend will probably do the same things. It's better if you ask her to move out.
2007-05-08 20:34:00 · answer #6 · answered by Sha5Ku6 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's a waste of time to explain to this kind of people. I would kick her out if I were you because both you and your friend can not stand her anyway. And it is really bad for your mental health which will have something to do with your baby. Tell her if one last time that she should behave properly and if she didn't do so, you will have to kick her out.
2007-05-08 20:34:07 · answer #7 · answered by Micky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it seems harsh but you are gonna have to put her out of there I was in a similar situation 2 months ago get her to leave now and you will still remain friends if you let her stay there you will resent her and have animosity towards her and y'all will not be friends anymore trust me get her out of there
2007-05-08 20:30:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sit her down one last time and tell her ur not messing around about all these.u've already got a lot of package with being pregnant and u sure don't deserve to be babysitting her.and if she still carry on with her rituals,then just tell her she needs to move out.don't let her take advantage of ur guy's kindness.and stress is definitely not good for ur pregnancy.
2007-05-08 20:39:40 · answer #9 · answered by leen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's hard to help a moocher.i think you should tell her like it is and ask her to get her own place...you'll be having a baby so u need to take care of this problem as soon as possible...good luck
2007-05-08 21:02:52 · answer #10 · answered by Kim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋