Let me from the start well i am Danielle and i got married to my first husband when i was 15 and i was 5 months pregnant . he was very abusive toward me emotial and physical he was controlling ...well sorry to tell you this but i am jumping on how i met my current husband . i went to clubs and ran into my husband so then we rushed into a relationship within 3 weeks i started living with him and i was working so he got attach to my daughter so i contiued to stay with him then i got pregnant and then when i lost the baby due to a lot of stress .we got married i was 18 .he has been spanking my child ever since she was 2 and i don't like how he does it he will treat her like crap and expects me to forgive him and he does the same to me ..puts me down calls me names and he use to be physical but not anymore i see he trying to change but i am not happy but i love him . i want to leave but i don't know if this will be better for my kids should i stay or shold i go ... please help me !!!
2007-05-08 18:29:27 · 19 answers · asked by Danielle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would just walk away and never look back!
2007-05-08 18:37:44 · answer #1 · answered by hippie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave him alone so he has sometime to ponder on things around him and to see what he is missing in life once you & your children are gone. You should have not tolerated this long for those mistreatment esp towards your daughter. Believing he is changing for the better, however, because of the pain you have been through you now claim you love him but aren't happy anymore which if you continue to do so, it will put harm more than heal as staying with him will now feel more like a chore. Of cors sacrificing for the kids sake is always commendable but if staying together will only end into battlefields then might as well be separated with the best interest of the children. Meaning you can live apart from each other while keeping the lines open for anything that involves the children. It would picture a healthier environment to them & whatever ill wills you have now will heal it better, who knows distancing yourself to each other would eventually draw you back in each others arms. Take it as a breather space. Sometimes couples just need to see themselves apart from their spouses & get back renewed to start afresh!!
And if it will not, at least you are now on your way to recovery & get a better chance of finding someone whom you rightly deserve. Some things aren't meant to be...
2007-05-09 02:52:03 · answer #2 · answered by jables 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should know your priority. Is it you or is it for the kid?..
Also the most important for you is to get your self a stable job and be financially independent. If you are then you don't really need your husband if he is abusive and at the same time you can take care of your daughter. Your daughter is still very young, you need to pay a lot of attention to nurture her so that she can get a good education and be a better person. Hopefull she does not follow your footstep and ended like you...
Having said that you are also young, and you can have more opportunities waiting for you still. Why commit to marriage and get pregnant again . Don't you ever learn the lessons from your past mistake?..
Is time to wake up now... and move on and set your priority right..
take care..
2007-05-09 04:15:31 · answer #3 · answered by trymejames 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes men go thru 'mental pause' and they just can't 'see' that they are around the bend a bunch. You need to get to a psycologist or training... maybe a husband / wife retreat. Any church? I would suggest going to a church if you are low on funds but these have worked wonders for building confidences and turning around a troublesome problem.
I hope he is not drinking as this can cause the hormone levels in anyone to act up or cause problems with the thyroid. Of course if you met in a bar... then this was there before. The thyroid can really cause a 'mental pause' and abusive behavior that he will not be reasonable. Nor will he be inclined to cooperate with a therapist. ...
First stop the action. Japanese tea ceremonies are silent and this can stop the action. Filming his actions and showing it could stop him. I'm unable to suggest otherwise as they just can't comprehend that they are wrong.
He is afraid. To stop monsters and nightmares, we would have the 'child' (him in this case) draw the monster. Put bars around the monster and then the monster can't move on paper. Ask the monster... who are you and what do you want? The child usually answers for the monster... I want to be beloved. Crazy but even adults act like children but can't accept they need this care too.
2007-05-09 01:49:57 · answer #4 · answered by nanbeloved 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well 2 complete losers--what a record--why stay--your life is crap---maybe you'll latch on to another that will have a different way of abusing you---you seem to enjoy it but complain when you want sympathy...what a stupid game. This is a good one for the COPS show--you with the bruises tell ing the whole world about how your life blows---all because you are too weak to walk away--get a job---and do the right thing. KIDS???Miliions of people have kids---get a job like everyone else....why do you think that the kids are better off being beaten and watching you be abused??? They will only wind up doing the same thing. Did you know at 15 that sex causes babies??? I bet you were told they are from under a cabbage leaf..You better get straight---it is all up to you---no one elses fault for having a crummy life---you choose to stay---choose--you lose.
2007-05-09 01:52:52 · answer #5 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is a proven fact that children are happier, do better in school, and have less intimacy/relationship problems in their adult life when the household is less stressful growing up. The situation that you allow your children to witness on a day-to-day basis is teaching them how to function as adults. If you have a daughter, she will probably learn to accept being dominated and belittled or seek "attention" from other sources at a young age..which makes me wonder if you too came from this type of environment. If so, please see the pattern for the sake of your child. If you have boys, you may be permitting them to act like your husband in the future. They deserve so much more and so do you. If possible, please read Women Who Love Too Much. There's no use leaving if you don't want to change the pattern of men you date. If you really want to work on your marriage, try counseling for the both of you. If he's willing to change and be a grown up and the man you deserve, love will come back to you. You're just protecting yourself from getting hurt again. Have him rebuild the trust bridge. Good luck! :)
2007-05-09 01:40:28 · answer #6 · answered by Kasie M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you know the answer to this. I was raised in an abusive household-my dad beat the crap out of my mom and then remarried my ex stepdad who was abusive to us kids. You know what? I grew up and got engaged to a man that was abusive to me because that is what I was used to in my life. If you continue in this situation, not only will either you or your daughter get really hurt, but your daughter will grow up thinking that it is ok for a man to treat her like this because you let him treat you like this. I am in the same boat hun. And I know that it is easier said than done, but you have to realize that no matter how much you struggle when you do finally leave him, it doesn't even come close to how much you will struggle staying with him. You deserve better than that, and more importantly so does your daughter because she can't even defend herself. She's a little girl. I know it is hard but PRAY and I PROMISE that God will see you through this. Good luck to you hun, and email me if you ever need to talk.
2007-05-09 01:40:27 · answer #7 · answered by pickledgrapenuts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I strongly believe step parents should not be physically punishing a child. He should not be permitted to spank your kids.
Step parents killing their children by physical violence is one of the leading causes of death of a minor child in America.
Please do not allow him to physically punish your child. Put your foot down and NEVER leave your children with him alone.
Leave now. Dont look back and in time your family will mend.
2007-05-09 02:25:03 · answer #8 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out of there as soon as you can it will be hard at first but you will make it you are strong the little one is feeling all the pain and not just the physical part she probabley feels the tention well good luck
2007-05-09 01:44:13 · answer #9 · answered by lovely 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are a mother protecting your child, leave but don't get near another man for 5 years. That is a big order and given your history, you can't do it. There is no point to leave one abuser just to find the next one around the corner.
2007-05-09 01:39:03 · answer #10 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
u may love him but im telling you for that little angle you have you need to go i know what its like to be spanked by someone you thank the world of she will end up hatting you for it and u do not want that i forgive my mom but it so hard to know that she let it happen to my brothers and i so if you do not agree to the way he spanks her you know what is best so u do whats right so do what you thanks is best i have a little girl how is 3 years old and i can not stand her dad to spank her hand i love him and would do anything for him but my angel comes first always do what feels right in your heart
2007-05-09 01:57:05 · answer #11 · answered by vb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋