honest grown up advice needed?

Question

Ok, so i have been divorced for a month now and me and my ex have kids. My ex cheated so it was time to go. we still talk all the time and we even talk about later in life remarrying because we still do love each other and we both just need time to grow up. but we want to make a family for our children. Me and him are perfect except for what he did, but we're working on that. Well, problem is, i have started to talk to one of his acquaintances and we established that we are 2 adults and we were going to be "partners" and that was it. well we haven't had sex yet and we r starting to like each other. well lately all my ex has been saying is how much he wants us to be back together and doesn't want us having any secrets going back into our relationship which i don't know when we are getting back into it. Could be six months from now. should i not see the friend or go back to my ex who cheated? but at the same time i don't want to put my life on hold for my ex when he could do it again

Answer 1

Wow, you really are confused. I got confused just reading your story. If you are legally divorced, you are under no obligation to reconcile with your ex husband. You do need to understand that as the father of your children, he will always be in your life but, doesn't have to be part of it.
I am concerned about the message you are giving your children. Bouncing back and forth can confuse them and give them the wrong impression that it's acceptable to behave in this way. You mentioned that you and your husband agreed that you both need time to "grow up". This playing around by both of you is not growing up. Think about your children first and foremost. What would be best for them? Your answer lies in that.

Answer 2

It appears to me that you have already made your deciosion to end it with your ex. since you got divorced. I would tell you that the statistics for a couple who have divorced getting back together and making it last are very low. I think you both need to grow-up but I also think you both need to carry on with your lives and find a new person like you have already.
If your ex cheated on you it shows me that he never really cared for you or loved you enough not to hurt you in this manner. I would just say let him go and tell him he hurt you to much for you to ever trust him again.

God Bless and Best Wishes. May your new man be your new mate. Really do not get married until you know that you are ready for the commitment it is suppose to be for life!

Answer 3

Considering that you still love your husband a bit (minus his cheating) , you have kids and he has said he wants you back - if all these mattered to you it should be a good reason to distance yourself for any potential new relationship until you have finally figured & decided to try again with your husband. Cheating should not be tolerated alright but if your man came back remorsed & willingly works hard again in getting back what he just lost, wouldn't be nice to give it another shot?(provided he cheated once only) than forming a totally new relationship?

Remember, marriages are not made in heaven. Inspite of the wedding vows, as a human being we are always bound to commit mistakes. Know where to draw the line & learn to forgive, once.

Answer 4

I think you should give your friend a chance, you said it best your ex cheated and you're not even sure when or if you two will get back together, My advice is don't hold back in life you'll only regret it, so live girl and if your "partner" and you have feelings for each other I say go for it!

Answer 5

Well if you love yuour EX and he repent..I think for the sake of your child it would be better for you to get back together again with your EX.

Also note that by getting back, both of you learn the mistake that was made.... I think the relationship with grow even stronger... so don't slip this chance just because he made a mistake. Humans do err....

Marriage is about patience, tolerances, sincerity, honest and least of all forgiveness too... without these.. marriage will not last just based on LOVE alone...

take care..

Answer 6

Good grief. Two adults? No. It doesn't sound as if you have a firm concept of marriage, trust, or even divorce for that matter. No worries, your spouse is in the same boat. You need to stop playing games & decide if you can forgive & learn to trust him again (that IS what this is all about). However, you're already divorced, and people divorce for a reason. What you need to do is stop looking back & do some serious soul-searching...

Answer 7

it depends do you want to work it out with your ex if so stay away from the acquaintance because if you don't then your life is about really get complicated.your right your ex could betray you again but if you and him have decided to back off and work on things a little and you have even went so far as to discuss remarriage if he finds out that you had a fling with one of his friends then there will be no working it out.and as far as his infidelity goes you either forgive and move on or you don't and move on but whatever you do make it clear to one or the other that you only have room for one of them the last thing you want to get involved in is a triangle with your kids caught in the middle.

Answer 8

That's a pretty quick rebound looking for another man in just that much time, are you doing it because you wan't to make him hurt back by being with the first guy available, or are you seriously looking for another partner. Tough decision, personally I would see no-one for a while and just be with the kids. The other guy can wait for you to make your decision, so can your ex-husband.
See which guy is serious and which one gives up.

Answer 9

Your ex cheated on you regardless of the fact you have children together, he may love you but he cant respect you to do that in the first place.
sounds like he has heard about this aquaintance and the green eyed monster has arrived for him.
You put up with lies and cheating, have a little dignity and see how things go with this "friend" because you will regret it if you dont.
Your children will be fine, just dont flaunt men in front of them, my mum went through this and she ended marrying her friend, she introduced us to him slowly and although he is not our father, he is our dad and a bloody good one at that.
Do what feels right to you.

Answer 10

Once a cheater.......i guess you know the rest.Personally if my husband cheats,he will be gone forever.I can't forgive and forget.He had his chance and he blew it.I mean if everything was so great like you said then why did he cheat?He changed his entire family for .............To me that is not a real man and he'll do it again when things get tough at home.I'll say don't put your life on hold for him.He is a CHEATER.