i met the father of my kid 6 yrs ago. after a year we moved to the same house. we have a 4-year old kid now. we have ups and downs but we manage to get through with it. We are happy together. He loves me so much and plans to marry me when he comes home from abroad. However, i am not very much sure of my feelings now. I love him but my feelings for him is not strong as before. I cannot say "I do" yet. I've had this feeling since last year although there is no third party involved. Now I am falling in love with another man although I do not know if this new guy shares the same feelings with me. I met him last March and we've been friends since then. I do not know what to do. I do not know if I have a future with this guy and even if I do I am worried about my kid and his father who loves me so much. I hate this feeling i have. what will you do if you were in my shoes? please help!
2007-05-08 17:53:16 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tricky, tricky, I also am in a similar situation. I did get married and now wish I didn't. I have a 6 yr old son, although the child is not my husbands. He has always been his father and my son calls him dad. My husband worships the ground I walk on and loves me so much also. Sometimes you can't return the same amount of love. Thats not your fault, you can't force how you feel.
If you are unsure at all about getting married then DON'T. You have those feelings inside you for a reason. You have the rest of your life to get married, to the right guy.
Before you try and pursue anything with this other guy, you need to be really sure he is not just your partners replacement because you are lonely and missing him. (Abroad comment). Its easy to fall for someone else if your partner is not around, also if you are having doubts. Lust can be a very powerful thing. Don't get confused with thinking you love the other guy. It may just be lust. Obviously your partner is not pressing the buttons that make you tick in a good way. If you feel it is over then do yourself a favour and be brave and follow your heart. Don't go to the other guy yet if at all. Sort this with your partner first or you'll have far to much in your head to make rational decisions. Look out for you and your child, and also consider your partners feelings. How would he feel if you left him and went straight to another guy. He needs a chance to get over you. He also deserves the truth. Everyone does.
You may need a little time to yourself to work through your feelings. Adding someone else into the equation is just going to confuse you more (trust me). Good luck and don't do anything to rash, talk to your partner first, tell him how you feel, you might be surprised. If you don't want to be with him then that is OK. You are only human and nobody likes hurting people. You will be a better person if you are honest with yourself and the situation fully. It may be hard at first, but I promise. Like all water, it will go under the bridge. Your child will be fine, they adapt, with a lot of love and support from you. Its important that you realise this is not your fault, you life has just taken a different turn than what you thought. Good luck and take care of you. :)
2007-05-08 18:18:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't stay with the father of your kid just because he's the father of your kid or because HE loves YOU so much. If you're in a relationship, the love should be mutual. If you start falling in love with the new guy, but he doesn't have the same feelings for you, that's not a good relationship either.
Take a step back and live on your own, with your kid. Then figure out what you want and who you do and don't love.
2007-05-08 17:59:36 · answer #2 · answered by Jason 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say to find some way to arrest the hormones, because sex is not love. You don't feel the same way about your kids father because he has been away for awhile and it's hard to keep a fire going that has no fuel. Why throw away what you already have on a GUESS? Once you make the mistake of seeing someone else, you would have crossed the road of no return and it's going to ruin what you have already. Start at the "bottom" or stay where you are till time heals what you had. Think about it and I mean "seriously." You say the kids father loves you very much and you will evenually have that love AGAIN......................
2007-05-08 18:06:51 · answer #3 · answered by Theban 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Certainly any wise women will choose her kids father, Because you are still not sure about your new man& you dont know if you have A future with him, Think about your kid? your kid need A father (real father) no other man will give real love to your kid, other than your kids father,Your feeling are not very strong now becouse you are staying away form him for a long period, once you reunite every thing will be allright and you will start love your self and family!!!
2007-05-08 18:04:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love your children? If so, you need to think about them instead of yourself. You have been blessed with two kids who need to see you and their father work out their problems and not let temptation and lust get in your way. What do you teach them if you up and leave for someone else because you are attracted to them? You have already committed yourself to your kids and their father so it isn't fair to uproot them and follow your whims. Build happiness where you are now, sit down and talk with their father and let him know what is bothering you so the two of you can work on this together. Be open and completely honest and stay away from the other guy except occasionally when you can have others around, too.
2007-05-08 18:03:10 · answer #5 · answered by KittyKat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being seperated can make the heart grow fonder but also it can change the way we percieve someone. Personally I would wait. If the guy comes back from his service tour and your feelings change again towards him then that is a good thing but if you are in doubt do without. In other words when he comes back and you are still in doubt since you are not married to him you would have the right to leave and find the love of your life. Stay friends with the guy you met in March. Explain things to him since you are friends explain your confusion without telling him you love him. But my advice is to wait till BF comes back from his tour. What do you have to lose? Nothing. March guy will stay friends, and you will still have your respect. Also it is normal to be lonely if your love is gone and there is another handsome guy there for you. But wait it out.
2007-05-08 18:00:08 · answer #6 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would stay with your kid's father, at least until he comes back from being abroad. I think it would be sensible to see if those feelings come back when you are together. It sounds like you are just a little worried about committing to him, and that nothing else is really wrong with the relationship.
2007-05-08 17:59:47 · answer #7 · answered by - 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have not seen the father of your kid in a while, so
this new guy is looking pretty good. Don't do it.
Wait until you have seen the father again; then decide.
Probably the love will flow again, and it will be best if you have not been sheating on him. Best for kid too if heloves you.
2007-05-08 17:57:51 · answer #8 · answered by M S 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A bird in the hand ..................... uhm! Be thankful for what you got ...................... uhm! What comes around .....................
You know the sayings! Instead of you asking me if I were in your shoes, how do you feel being in your guy's shoes? You have an opportunity to understand the position he will be facing when he comes home. You are not sure about a guy that you are falling in love with, but your guy doesn't have a clue about your true feelings.
It's not a pretty sight, is it?
2007-05-08 18:05:09 · answer #9 · answered by dadgonewild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put things off with the new guy. What until the father comes home and see how your feelings are then. Absence can make the mind fuzzy.
2007-05-08 17:57:58 · answer #10 · answered by Lady J 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋