I can't go into much more detail. The person making this decision is the most beautiful and incredible woman in the universe. She has to choose one. In doing so, she will very deeply hurt the other. She couldn't stand to hurt an ant. It's killing her, and I want to be there for her as best I can. Please - what can I do other than hug her when I see her tomorrow? What can I do to ease her pain?
I love her.
2007-05-08 16:52:28 · 23 answers · asked by Gunning4Jesus 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hey Mesquite - You completely sexist, homophobic, ignorant, inconsiderate nutball - read the question. Seems I might be an involved party, eh? In fact from what I've written, I may be a part of that choice. Pay attention. This is not kindergarten.
2007-05-08 17:02:29 · update #1
OK - let me make this clear, especially for Eric. I am NOT forcing her to make this decision. Nobody is. I am a third party. She is my best friend. Please get your mind out of the gutter, Eric.
2007-05-08 17:12:38 · update #2
Oh for God's sake, Seth, I'm using a friend's computer. I'm a girl.
2007-05-08 17:14:32 · update #3
Wow. The aforementioned angered me and then I read the answers after them. How beautiful. Thank you all so much for understanding. WangWang, Totally, Missy120, I am more moved by your responses than I can say in words.
2007-05-08 17:24:52 · update #4
Wanna know the sad part? It doesn't even surprise me anymore that some of the answers are truly disgusting. Sigh.
But I'll skip those few.
Ok, there is not much you can do, and at the same time there is a lot you can do.
The main thing is: listen. If she needs to talk, let her. If she doesn't wanna talk, let her. If she says she doesn't wanna talk, but you're sure she needs to talk, force her a little. The key is to listen. That might not seem like much, but it's the biggest thing anybody can offer another person: a truly listening ear, that tries to think with her. Not for her, with her.
You can't give her any advice, except than to listen to herself. You can't push her, or try to force her into one direction. But I'm already 100% you wouldn't do that anyway, or else you would never have asked it like this. In matters of the heart, any advice is somewhat useless anyway.
But you can always listen, ask genuine questions, hold her, hug her, be with her, allow her to open up every feeling she has, every frustration she has.
I've been torn between two lovers once. It was hell. I was lucky enough to have friends that mean the world to me, who only told me after I had made my choice, how big of a whiner I had been to them.
One of my friends asked me a sorta question in those days that made me truly think. It was something like: if true love is defined as choosing for a person you'd rather do horrible things *with*, than beautiful things *without*, who would you pick?
I dunno why, but that really made me think. Until today I believe that's what love is: rather doing awful things with somebody, than doing amazingly beautiful things without her.
Sweety, I wish you good luck. And I truly mean that.
2007-05-08 17:54:47 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 9⤊ 1⤋
I tell ya that is a hard decision. All growing up my dad would always say jokingly daughter who do you love the best me or your mom? (my mom and dad still married 35 years) Even though I knew it was a joke I had no clue what to say. I didn't want to hurt either one of them. So, I couldn't imagine someone having to make that decision in a serious matter. The hardest part is (coming from experience) when I was little I probably would have said my father. (daddy's girl) But as I have gotten older my mom is my best friend through thick and thin so I feel a lot closer to her. I can't imagine how your friend is feeling. It is not a matter of who you love the most because no matter what you love both. Good luck to you both! Just be there for your friend. I really don't think there is anything else really for you to do but listen and comfort this person! Make sure to let them know you love them very much and no matter what you are there!
2007-05-08 17:04:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Well Sir, I read your questions twice...and I understand the whole situation. I have been in the same situation but of course I wont go into details either.
But I have to choose either one which will just tear me apart. But a decision has to be made, thus my advise is:-
Choose the lesser of two evils or greater of two goods.
Means...for in this case she has to choose the one that will make more significance in life...
But I never wish to be in this kinda situation again and I hope the person in mentioned would make a wise choice. Please give all of them my hugs and you too...
People say time healed all wound..but for this case it never does but we still need to move on.
2007-05-08 18:37:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I guess you got your answers already ... just wanted to say I understand and feel for you and your friend. Just be there for her. It seems you are a kind man and in tune with your emotions. You can do so much by just listening and lending your support and compassion to her. When sad, I always turn to my male friends rather than the women. I think its an energy thing, like yin and yang, you know? I feel much safer with them, like they can't hurt me.
Blessed Be, I know you are already helping her
2007-05-09 19:39:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
By offering your presence but not your words. Nothing said bad is appropriate and Nothing said good can be effective. It only serves to underscore either your inability to empathize and the resulting awkward verbal diahhrea that ensues as a result - or it just adds you as one more element of conflict in the situation. And yes, just by opening your mouth you are creating conflict because now you made it clear that this person has yet *one more person* they need to be concerned about.
2007-05-08 17:00:10 · answer #5 · answered by headcircus 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me as if she is being put into the middle of her family relationship, in a forceful way. If this is so, you should help her not to come in the middle, but to give support to both, at different times. I hope this is the answer you are looking for.
2007-05-08 17:00:16 · answer #6 · answered by Jerome E 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am not sure there is too much you can do other than simply be there for her. As much as you would like to help this is really something she will have to figure out herself. Just be understanding and there to listen. Best of luck.
2007-05-08 16:57:44 · answer #7 · answered by sym pathetic 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just be there for her, give her a hug, maybe hold her hand for support and keep your mouth shut unless she initiates a conversation. Just let her draw strength from your love and friendship and it will mean more than anything you could say.
2007-05-08 17:00:55 · answer #8 · answered by don n 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ay, I suck at giving advice my friend. But here it goes
Just comfort her and be there for her when she needs someone to talk to, try to cheer her up. I know you have a good sense of humor. Humor is always good, it helps a broken heart.
2007-05-08 18:02:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Simply be there for her. I don't know what else you can do. It's her choice afterall. When she does make that choice, give her all your support and understanding without judgement and wish her the best.
2007-05-08 17:02:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋