Marital problems, and need some advice. I am not sure what I am doing wrong?

Question

Ok, My husband and I have been together for four years and married for three. We have a five month old son. I use to have a myspace and my husband always got mad at me for having one and wanted me to delete it. Well, a girl that he went to high school with tried to get ahold of him and didn't sound like she was looking just for a friend so I deleted my myspace for that reason and because I was sick of always getting yelled at. Well he heard that she was trying to get ahold of him and I told him that I wasn't comfortable with him talking to her because of they way she was so egar to get ahold of him. Well he has been treating me really badly telling me to pack my stuff and our sons and leave that he doesn't love me because I don't trust him....but yet if it was the other way around he would be so angry if I talked to another guy. He always tells me that he is right and I am wrong. I don't understand how it wasn't ok for me to talk to guys I went to high school but it would be ok for him

Oh yea and for some people who think the reason I had a myspace was to go looking around...you are stupid, and wrong. I had it to keep in touch with my seventeen year old brother who I never get to see. Myspace only causes problems for people who let it.

oh yea and we didn't get married because I got pregnant...we were married two years before.

Answer 1

first of all in a marriage there should be complete and total trust between both of you . if there is no trust then the marriage will not work. because you both are feeling insecure about each others hearts. you are probably young and not really ready for the marriage which can make it hard to talk to each other and to share your feelings with one another. to be honest he sound like a real a**hole if you have the means to get away from him do so in a timely manner because you will not be the only one to suffer for his insecurity. the child will also suffer. you must look into your heart and think of the pros and cons of the relationship and ask yourself are you and that child worth taking that kind of abuse be it physical or verbal. In all the relationships that I have been in that includes my marriage now I have always given the woman the knowledge and respect that she can go and follow her dreams and desires as long as she told me she doing it so I didn't have to find out from someone else. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be hurt , but I would feel the respect that I have given her. I have been with my wife for 7yrs now and she know that if she has any dreams or goals that don't include me then she should follow them because you only live once and you really don't know how long that life is going to be. Just be careful and take your time when making decision about your life because the one you make will effect the child. I personally don't go to church, but God has always been there for me let him guide you and don't ever ever ever let any man keep you from being happy. this coming from a man . keep your chin up and stay strong for that child please. God Bless and good luck.

Answer 2

You Should Turn His Retort Back Onto Him....Obviously He Doesn't Trust You Because He Asked You To Delete Your Myspace Origionally. Be Sure And Bring Up The Fact That He Didn't Allow YOu To Remain Friends With Your HS Guyfriends And Ask Him Why You Can't Have The Same Opinion Regarding This Girl. Tell Him That It's Not That YOu Don't Trust Him It's That You Don't Trus Her, After All He's Been Acting Very Defensive On The Matter. You Also Need To Address The "Pack Your Bags Situation" ...Ask Him If He Really Wants To Loose You Over Something So Petty. When YOu Decide To Have This Conversation Be Sure The Timing Is Right (Meaning He's In A Good Mood) Talk Without Sounding Too Accusing And Be Sure That You Back Out If You Can Tell That He's Getting Angry, Beause The Goal Is To Solve The Promlem Through Talking And Get Him To Be Honest. Hope This Helps!

Answer 3

It sound like there is a rule for one and not another. I am assuming that the marriage took place because of pregnancy, and if so, then it is likely to fail. It is obvious that you both miss other people or friends, and this is a part of any relationship once it begins. We forget our friend because of the new excitement in our lives. It is only when things settle, that we see what we may be missing, and anyone that strays cannot be trusted. Your attempt to put a stop to my space and the reaction, should clearly demonstrate, that he is no longer comfortable with the relationship. You should also look at when the problems started, you may find that it was after the birth of your son. It could be a lack of attention on your behalf, and he is seeking it from is past high school budy.

Answer 4

My Ex-husband (probably not the best way to give you hope) had a friend that would only talk to him when i was not around. i informed him that i trust him that if she did anything that he would stop her but that i did not trust her from starting it. Needless to say we did not brake up over that but that kinda was a part of it, I lent that he was not a total butt-head but over all he was and it sounds like your husband is an butt-head i was given great advice by some one i trusted my life to. he said "once an a $$ always an a $$, and people do not change over night." If he is being a jerk do what your heart tells you and if you don't want to leave your son DON'T fight for him let your husband know that you are not going to take crap that is the only way to make it in this world. I hope that gives you some help and at least something to think about.

Answer 5

Counselling, Counselling, Counselling! No relationship remains the same, it has to change and evolve, sometimes we are guilty of allowing it to stagnate, which is what I suspect has happened here. It will not change unless you and your husband want it to change. Start off by trying to remember why it is you fell in love with this man to begin with, how you felt whenever you were in his company. Obviously there was something that made him stand out from all the other available men, and the same is true for him. Think of your marriage as a Garden, you begin by planting seeds (the vows) but as you well know it must be constantly worked on, watered, nurtered, weeded etc, should you stop tending to it, the plants basically stop producing, weeds begin to grow and will soon choke out the plants you originally wanted (this is where you are now), but we also know that a bit of hard work can reclaim and make that garden flourish again. I honestly believe you can salvage your relationship and in fact have a stronger marriage for it, but only you and your husband can make the final choice. A shame to throw away 13 years of your life over no specific reason.

Answer 6

Well if you are young enough to think My space is a place you want to be, then most of us here can't add much. Marriage means you talk to each other not to anyone else in an intimate manner whether it is your neighbor or on the net. I just don't get why you people think that chatting on the net makes everything ok. It is wrong for him to do this. It is wrong for you to do this. Why did you get married? Get your priorities together, talk....what a thought!!...and figure out how to be married. Definitely give up your childish ways and get off My Space.

Answer 7

Anytime someone tells you to pack your bags, pack 'em. Even if they try to apologize later, what's done is done. If they told you they wanted you out, then believe me that's how they feel. Of course there's the old double standard in play here...I can do what I want but you can't. And that's not right. You can't have a relationship without trust, and there doesn't seem to be much trust here. Time to move on. Good luck.

Answer 8

You both must be very young. You are parents now and need to put that little boy first in your lives. That means leaving old girlfriends behind and not going chatting on MySpace with the teens. He sounds immature to me. And he sounds bossy. Tell him you are not going to be controlled by him. Get some marriage counseling.

Answer 9

This is the petty kind of stuff that causes divorce.

GROW UP PEOPLE!!!!

My space is for people looking for attention, and action. Is that what you were looking for? Are you not happy with what you have at home? When do you find time to be on My space with a 5 month old.

Why not put your time and energy into you husband and son instead. How flattering that your husband doesn't want you on that scummy website, you are blessed.

Answer 10

Sounds like his brains are in his pants if he is telling you to pack you and your sons stuff and get out. Always getting yelled at is not good either. You definitely have marital problems and if I was you I would take him up on it and go directly to your families home then straight to an attorney. You don't deserve the punishment he is giving you and your son. Doesn't sound like it is gonna get better.