Why does my daughter treat me this way?

Question

For 17 years I struggled as a single Mom, and worked my way through all the crappy jobs, to keep my kids in there home, and to keep a certain lifestyle. A year ago I finally got the dream job, with the good pay, benifits, retirement, and was going to be able to be financially stable, and my husband, and kids, and myself, would'nt have wanted for anything. But Just because, somebody didnt like me, for no reason, and got me fired, it affected all our lives. I was devastated, and had to go on medication, and have not been able to work for a year. After working all those years to meet the goal, and to get there, just to have it taken away, and have to start all over. Now my 17 year old daughter got mad at me, and said, hurtful things about me not working. How I just sit in the chair and watch soap opera's, and put money into the yard,and she had to get a job, because I can't. She keeps all her money, so I don't know what she is talking about.

I know she really feels that way, because when your mad you speak the truth! After all those years of hardship, and everything I went through, including 15 times in court, to fight her father for child support, why does she feel this way. Her father cheated, and left when she was 2 years old. After he remarried, he tried to lower the support, so his new wife could buy nice things. I fought for my kids all these years, and this is what I get.

I have been remarried for 3 years, my husband makes a fairly good living, although in August when the child support ends , I'll have to be working. All my daughters money is hers, and at 17 She should have a job, and start learning to be a adult, so someday she can take care of herself. She has never wanted for anything, and I have been a great mother to her. She has had a good life.

To answer dior. jun: If you read all that I wrote, you would know She has not had to spend a penny on me or the family! I had unemployment, plus our savings, and my husband works! So, she has not been without, and this is not a hardship to her.

To Mesquite : I was asking for her, to make the question more simple, and did not have much time to type, so I made it shorter! You seem smart enought to figure that out!

Answer 1

Because you allow it.

Answer 2

Your question is why does your daughter treat you this way: saying hurtful things about you not working?
1, She sees you not working after seeing you working after so many years. All those years affected her too - she saw that you have to work to stay afloat, it's not easy, you get up even if you don't want to and go to work, etc. Your not working goes against all this.
2. Even though she is not suffering hardships and she's not contributing money, her attitude about money has been so internalized over the years that she expresses it without tying it to a shortage of money.
3. Most important of all, she's reacting to your reaction to this setback. Really, I do understand exactly how devastating losing a dream job can be. I had a similar job loss years ago and I was so devastated that I had to leave immediately, leaving behind my coat at work. I hadn't been at the job very long and didn't know anyone. I went home and cried for three days straight and I couldn't bring myself to go back and get my coat. I needed it! I eventually crept back into the building after hours, after everyone went home and retrieved it with the help of a security guard.
You need medication to recover from this setback. Fine. But all she sees is your inactivity. It doesn't help that you blame it all on a person not liking you at the job - that very well may be true but you still could bounce back and say, 'Well, you win some, you lose some' and sweep that person's influence under the rug with a breezy attitude. Your daughter wouldn't have cared that you lost the job. She cares about its aftermath.
You will go back to work. And everything will get better. Even your daughter's attitude. It's easy to say 'try not to take it all personally' but really, try!

Answer 3

Don't you recall how black and white the world was when you were 17

Or how you could only see things from your own perspective at that age ?

Don't you also recall thinking how much smarter you were than your parents when you were 17 ?

I am not justifying anything your daughter has said or done

All I am saying is that a 17 year old hasn't the life experience to give half the opinions they do - and as such you should take it that she is A a healthy young adolescent and B that she will not know her a-s-s from her elbow for about 4-7 years at which point feel free to remind her of what she said

Also feel free to remind her of this instance when she has kids of her own - You can even start the warning process now

Wait until you have children etc

Answer 4

I am a single mom myself my son acts the same way ,I havent been able to work in a year due to my health, I understand the sacrifises you've made for your family and you deserve a huge hug for your wonderful efforts, for one try to look for a few very good friends for support, support is a very important thing, next make sure you check into some places for job training for people that havent worked in a while if you have to call your county social services and ask they can help,and please make sure you keep your health up thats also very important, the case with your daughter , well I know its difficult but always remain positive, but make sure she understands she also needs to respect you for what you've done , I dont know how your communication is with each other , but if you two dont spend much time together try doing things that interest both of you now is a good time to not just be a mom but also a friend, I know its very difficult and depression doesnt help in a lot of causes you can and will make it , find that determination you had before and YOU WILL be able to get back what you had

Answer 5

Hi there,
first of all it was not your fault loosing your job give your self a break and secondly you tell you daughter she is being very selfish and is only mad because she now has to work also she should be paying board and if she doesnt tell her to go out in the real world and see how she goes i know from my own experience kids can be very hurt full my daughter thinks i owe her a living and let me tell you i just tell her to get over her self and that she is nothing more than a selfish person so take care and sit your daughter down and give her that facts about how you are feeling about all good luck Tracey

Answer 6

Kids tend to think the world revolves around them. She should thank you for giving her such a comfortable surroundings despite the struggling. Maybe you should tell her how her comments made you feel? (Even if you write her a letter.) She just doesn't understand because she is young and probably can't see life outside of her peer group. This would be a good learning experience for her, and after working maybe she will find a new appreciation for her mom.

Answer 7

Suzie, your daughter is hurting, too. She knows and feels your pain, but she's still so very young, her only emotional outlet is anger. She remembers how thrilled and how hard you worked for that job. She's not so angry at you as the unfair circumstances that have completely disrupted your family. Now, Suzie, is there any reason you cannot rise above this setback. Can you tuck this set back under your belt and find the strength to get up, get prettied up, and trot yourself down to a job placement agency ??? No, you may not find that ideal job again, but you just may find something to boost your self esteem and put the sparkle back into your young daughter's eyes. Good luck !!

Answer 8

I think often times, kids are ungrateful for all that their parents do for them. But since I do not know you or your daughter, my advice will be limited. I would suggest you get together with her and ask her what's going on through her mind. And I don't mean ask her from a victim point of view, or from a hurt stand point, because I think if you do it in this manner, she will just close off to you. But ask her in an assertive unemotional way. If she's unhappy about your situation, ask her to provide you with solutions to resolve it, rather than just complaining and hurting you about it.
Foremost, before doing anything, take sometime and pray to God or meditate about your situation, and try to see what's really going on. I know going through your experienced must have been devastating, but I feel you cannot just give up and sit at home. Life is full of opportunities, and if you were able to get that one, perseverance will get you another one even better.
May God Bless you, and provide you with the guidance you need.

Answer 9

Thats a hard one to answer- all I know is that they do bite the hands that feed them some time or another- and us being the mothers that we are - well we will excuse it and convince ourselves that they do not mean it - (even though we know they do)- and things will get better again for a while - then here we go again on this roller coaster ride with our girls- My girl is 14- she told me the other day " I hate You, And I hate this house" all because I was making her go to church - so yep that really hurt my feelings alot- Kids this day are alot different than they used to be I think . But we will love them unconditionally - forever ! Good Luck

Answer 10

Part of the problem is she is a 17 year old girl and you are her mother.

The other issue is that kids often see themselves in the future. I don't think either one of you would like your current situation to be part of her future.

Also, students toady have a lot of responsibility packed on them. They must get good grades, do well on state standardized tests, get a job to pay for all the rising expenses. Not to mention the pressures of dating, relationships, and sex. When she comes home to see mom "relaxing" (be it real or perceived) it irritates her because she knows she can't.

Life for young people is getting more and more difficult each day. Hammer down on her when it really matters and let her relax and be herself as much as realistically possible.

Answer 11

i think it might just be because she's a teenager. I dont think she fully understands the fact that you tried your best. A few years ago i felt the same way about my mom, only i never told her, but now i know that her not going to work really benefited me because she would always be there when i needed her. I think you shouldnt pay much attention to what she said. I know she's your daughter and it must hurt to hear that, but you have to understand that she's just being a little selfish because she probably feels stressed out because she had to get a job. When she gets older, she'll realize that you tried your best and she'll regret what she said. If youre happy staying being a stay at home mom, then i say you stick it out, and things will work out. If youre not happy, then just start making some changes. if you want to go back to work, i'm sure you can do it, just start applying. As long as your health is good, and as long as youre happy doing what youre doing, then just try to understand your daughter and her selfish times, they'll pass.