How important is sex in married life?

Question

Its a problem in my close friend's home. They are married for 6 years. She is 28 and he is 33. She says, hubby likes sex daily, but she never gets interested after her baby 2 years before. Before that they were both doing great. She needs to know more from others. My case, I am 24 and married for 3 years. Last year I got my son and we are - not fully but some what in a similar situation.

Is there a way to improve fun in our lives? While mine is not a crashing issue, my friend finds it really difficult to manage her husband's needs.

Answer 1

It's vitally important that a wife STOP rejecting her husband. A man gets married and is expected to remain faithful, yet women play these "too tired' games and expect their husband to "understand" that he'll rarely get intimate with his wife. I doubt very much he'd ask for sex every day if he actually GOT SOME once or twice a week.
Ladies, don't call a man a bastard if he spends 5 years not getting any from his wife then some hot sexy girl at his office opens her "heart" to him.

Answer 2

Your both new parents and having a child changes many dynamics in marriage. Sex is important but not as important as good communication and listening to each others feelings.
I think your friends husband is being selfish and a bit inmature
he is a new dad and should be concerned about spending quality time with his offspring then screwing around with the wife. I think you both have to tell your husbands that being a mom is not easy and that your not in the mood for sex as much as you once were. Tell these guys if you wanted a family then you should have realized that the sex would not be as often. I think your both lacking in the area of communication if your friend cannot tell her husband that she doesn't want sex everyday then she need's some help and guidance from some professionals. I think your men need a wake up call tell them you do not enjoy being used as a sex slave, we are your wives and the mother to your child. Until they realize that in marriage it is lovemaking and should be done for both partners pleasure, then don't even do it at all.

THey are your first chidren and it is quite common to have some post-pardum depression as well.

You need to ask your husbands to be more supportive then demanding!!!

Answer 3

This happens to most mothers. Your exhausted with all the new responsibilities as a mother and if you have other kids, your having to tend to their needs too. Ask your husband to contribute and help out! Then put the kids to bed, no dont let them sleep with you, and give him some time together.Watch a movie, snuggle and kiss, make out..You know, mess around like when you first got together. Take a nap during the weekend. Ask a neighbor, mom or aunt to watch the kids for the day. take a nap together, then.. whatever folllows... ;-)

But, sex is an important part in life. It relaxes you and even if your not in the mood, ask your husband to get you in the mood....It'll be fun!

The most important thing to have is open communication with your husband. Don't feel like you should hide anything from him. If your tired, tell him why.If he asks for sex, tell him ways he can get you in the mood for sex. You'll be suprized how much you thought you were tired and then when you start something, you'll be interested in finishing what you started.
:-)

Answer 4

Considering sex and money are the 2 biggest thing that ends most relationship what does that tell you. There are probably plenty of married women who would switch places in a heartbeat. First there needs to be communication then there needs to be an understanding about the problem. One partners sex drive goes down and thinks that the other should just live with it. They should be looking for answers maybe see there doctor it could be something simple. Most of the time cheating happens when one spouse makes no effort to fix things and has that who cares attitude.....

Answer 5

There are books out there about women who lack libidos and what they can do to try to repair their relationships and work around it. I can't recall the title, unfortunatly, but I read a really good one on the subject.

Your friend might want to explore WHY she's not interested in sex. Is it because she's tired? Afraid of getting caught? Keeps thinking sex leads to more kids and can't stand the thought?

If she can pinpoint why she can decide if it's something she can change and how to work on it. But she should involve her husband in the discussion, and she needs to make sure she's being honest with him. No "I have a headache" unless you really do have one!

Also, professional counselors are actually trained to deal with this very question, and have years of experience with it. They are worth a shot. It might not be a bad idea to see if there's a medical reason behind it either.

Answer 6

Sex is as important as each partner makes it. If one is unhappy with the amount or monotony, there is a problem. If both are happy not doing it, there isn't a problem. Women's hormones do change after having babies, sometimes they feel insecure about their bodies. They need to understand that their husband is enjoying their bodies, even if they have a few extra pounds after having a baby.
If your friends husband is feeling like he's being neglected sexually, and he's tried talking to her, letting her know his needs, then he will probably look to get his needs met elsewhere.

Answer 7

Thats a common problem either hubby want's it too much or wife does. The fear is if she doesn't put out for him, he'll go find it somewhere else. She should over sex him some, give him alot all the time and see if that slows him down some. I have seen where, the more one spouse doesn't want it, the more the other one wants it that much more. Tell her good luck

Answer 8

She need to talk to him and compromise. Try to come to an agreement, meet in the middle where everyone is happy. You have a good man and don't want him to stray. Just because you're a mother doesn't mean you can't be sexy & attractive. Do what it takes for your marriage. Sex is very important to men. I'm sure you weren't complaining before the kids came along. He will expect the same.

Answer 9

Sex is not the foundation of which marriage is built. Maybe your friend has viewed sex as companionship. If this is the only way she has been able to express connection and show love in relationships then she should consider counseling to appreciate the deeper commitment that she is giving less value. Sex is just the icing on the cake....delicous and sweet but you need a cake to put the icing on.

Answer 10

Well, when women have children they're motherly instincts kick in, blocking the need and want for sex.

They are tired, trying to manage everything in the house, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the baby, laundry, etc.

By the time its time for bed, she's exhausted.

I can sit here and tell the men to do it all for her, but then you're the one who's exhausted.

So maybe by helping her out, doing sweet and loving things for her and NOT expect sex in return, not only will she suddenly have more energy, but then she'll begin to wonder why you're helping her so much, and when you don't come after her for sex, will start to wonder why.

It's very funny, how the moment that you stop wanting sex, the woman wonders why.

How about one night just rub her back and when she says she doesn't feel like sex, tell her, neither do I, I'm not in the mood, I just need a hug.

You'll throw her for a loop, she'll start to wonder why you don't want her anymore, and come after you. heheheh